Resolve

I have decided to make a resolution today: To be happy no matter what.

The past few weeks had me realise how whiney I have been lately. Maybe even for the longest time. People getting my smses would know. Hahas..

Well, so here's the plan. I shall simply shut off anything which makes me upset, and focus on improving things. Like how I know my midyears are probably going to suck, and how I would turn it into something positive by mugging really hard for my prelims.

Things have been worrying me though..

1. Kayaking. Well.. I went for training yesterday, and the timings weren't fantastic. 13+ mins for 2km, which according to Cher, we are supposed to do in 11.5 mins. That got me pretty upset. Yeah.. I get upset over such things.. Competition is less than 3 weeks away, and my timing sucks.
   
   Which led me to think this: my midyears suck, my kayaking sucks, my relationships suck, and my spiritual life probably sucks too. What on earth am I still alive for? Thank God, I no longer think that. What matters is that I still have 3 weeks, and my midyears are not a clear reflection of my capabilities. What I have to do is to jiayou from now on. -grit!-
   
   
2. My dad. He is still thinking that he would die soon. He actually got a sample of a will from my mum to draw one up himself. My dad doesn't even buy insurance.. so if he draws up a will, you know he's really serious about it. He's been saying weird things too.. and it's kinda worrying that he's been staying at home and watching tele all the time, only going out to the fo2 tang2. Not healthy at all..
   
   I don't think I am old enough yet to handle a parent dying.. He might not be the most fantastic father who's been there all the time, and cares a lot for me, but hey, he's still my dad...
   
   
3. My studies.. haven't been exactly up to mark. I'm working on it. Definitely..
   
   
4. My spiritual life, actually.. I keep feeling the urge to do more, but yet I am always held back. I want to go to homegroup too.. it's not as if I am deliberately missing it. But piano is an important part of me too.. Not something I can give up so easily. Not yet.. It's easy to say that I put God first, but it's actually difficult to do it. Haix. I'm trying to work my way around it by changing piano to Sat, but Ms Goh isn't making it easy. Just pray that God will make a way.. Hope I can do more for church too.. and that I would grow in Christ day by day..
   
   
5. Relationships.. This is kind of a paradox. I'm trying to not be so insecure, yet at the same time I am afraid of losing friends. Hahas.. I guess at this stage of life, everyone is focused more on themselves, and friends are to hang out and mull over memories and funny anecdotes. Seems that way to me.. I don't like that.. but it's not up to me.

Well.. back to the main thing. Finding positive things in worries. Yeah.. I'm gonna cast my worries on Him and not be anxious in anything.

I actually had a word today which I didn't share.. It was a big red arrow pointing up, and the word that came to mind was to not depend on my own understanding but look to God in everything. Felt how appropriate it was.. and yet didn't feel confident that I could stay faithful. I guess it would be a daily struggle.. Pray for me yeah?

And do give a shit ; )