Saturday, March 29, 2008

It was DotA again today with the gang. I am really beginning to think that we are running out of real meaningful things to do. Where is the REALLY PHYSICALLY STRENUOUS ACTIVITY that was planned?!

Here are a list of REALLY PHYSICALLY STRENUOUS ACTIVITIES that I can think of offhand now:
  • Kayaking!!!
  • Running in MacRitchie
  • Running in Bukit Timah Nature Reserve
  • Swimming 50 Laps
  • Gymming
  • CABLE SKI~~!
  • Night cycling + Food Tour
  • Badminton
So many things we can do lorh! We just need to have the will to actually do it. I've got a feeling that we actually don't want to. Hmmmm...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

If I'm old, I might as well drive!

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Suan Life, where we give you the latest updates of sour living. Our reporter Mr Lammon has the news.

Yes, now hold in my hands the results we have all been waiting for... Mr Suan has passed his Basic Theory Test!! He has also gotten his PDL which allows him to take his practical lessons as and when he likes.
The über special rates at SSDCL also means that he gets to take two totally useless theory lessons before he takes his Final Theory Test at $15 bucks!

Now, let us interview the man.

"Yes yes.. I love the place. I passed! Like Wow. Like it was really hard.. I really didn't know if drinking would cause me to drive better or worse before this. I always thought that since it brought more blood to my head, it would be better? Turns out that they say it will cause the car to go haywire? Don't feed your car alcohol man. Totally harms it."

"And the service was really good! I was only charged $120 bucks for the paper stapling fees. And I got a really nice paper bag and a book of instructions on how to spend more money on booking lessons. Look!"
Well, it seems like we have a satisfied customer in Mr Suan. Back to the studio, Mr Wudssyur Nameegain.

Wow. (Nods head in Debra-Wilson-acting-as-Oprah fashion) Simply. Amazing. Wow. (Nods head again) Join us again for another exciting episode of The Suan Life. Until next time!

the most important thing.

I am currently reading The Happy Prince and Other Reads by Oscar Wilde. If you are a constant reader of my blog, or perhaps more of a loyal and long-time reader, you would remember me mentioning The Picture of Dorian Gray in this entry.

The Happy Prince and Other Reads is a compilation of Wilde's short stories written for others. It has been a good read so far. The stories show the idealism which Oscar Wilde has that is much similar to mine. We would all like to think of how perfect and beautiful the world is, or how good others are, and yet, we are often disappointed. Wilde shows this through his many satires which shows the irony in the unequal value put on relationships by different individuals, or perhaps the different ways people see the same relationship.

The question I had to ask myself was, "Have I misjudged the good in this world and is it bad to begin with or should I just have more faith in us?"

It is always easy to get disenchanted. After all, it is the easier thing to do. Look at the oil prices and see the economy collapsing; look at hot bods and think how fat you look; look at good grades and think how stupid you are. It's so easy. By thinking that, you wouldn't have to work. You can indulge in that self pity and cease to do anything.

Yet the more difficult thing is to evaluate the situation and make the changes that are necessary to make things work. To look of alternative sources of energy; to exercise; to study harder than you have before. That is hard. There is a spirit of inactivity we have to overcome. The question is, are you doing your best?

Some say that I am a cynic, yet in everything I do, I try my best. What I have found is that I am not the smartest person in the world, not the fastest kayaker, not the handsomest man, not even the funniest dude. Yet I can gladly say that I have done my best in what I do. I might not be comfortable with who I am at times, but I start off everything I do with an intention to do it better.

That, in my opinion, is the most important thing.

Monday, March 24, 2008

A Letter to Boss Concerning My Testimonial

Dear Sir,

You have asked me for the reasons as to why I wanted to get into the Law Course, and my various achievements in the Army and in JC.

I entered the SAF on 13th January, 2007. After BMT, I was posted into SISPEC Juliet Company in March 2007. After spending 3 wonderful months in Basic Section Leader Course, I was one of the select few chosen to "cross over" to Officer Cadet School because they deemed us to have the right leadership qualities. I did so in May 2007.

Life in Service Term in Foxtrot Wing was awkward as I had to contend with the cadets who were there much longer than us. They felt threatened and hostile because we were a raw bunch of greenhorns freshly out of SISPEC. It was only when I entered Professional Term in June 2007 in the Logistics Officer Cadet Course, when I finally found my footing.

It was the 5th LOCC that gave me the confidence in my style of leadership - leadership by example. It was also 5th LOCC that taught me all that I needed to know to become a good Logistics Officer i.e. the skills of my trade. I felt that it was also in Pro Term that my character was developed and lasting friendships were forged.

It was also in the duration of my Officer Cadet Course and the time while I am an Officer that I was more convinced of my desire to become a Lawyer. I was always interested in the area of Philosophy and Jurisprudence, or the Philosophy of Law, particularly intrigued me. It was interesting to observe how we came to give ourselves rules to govern our society over time, and how different schools of thought had influenced the formation of our Legal System. It was in the Army, under the regimentation and discipline that I also began to see how Law is so real in our lives.

Since I was in JC, I wanted to be a lawyer. I was always more interested in the Arts than the Sciences, and found debating and arguments to be a source of great mental stimulation. With my background of Chinese Drama, I am not afraid to be loud and make statements in things I believe in. Perhaps what also influenced me to be interested in Law was also my involvement in the Singapore Boys Brigade since Secondary School, and throughout JC. As a Christian, I believe that God led me down this path and the Law was handed down for generations, and is something worth upholding.

As a competitive kayaker in JC, I also learnt the importance of perseverance. I believe this to be able to help me get through the Law course as it would take one with a definite goal and perseverance to endure the long hours and sleepless nights demanded by the course.

My ultimate ambition is to become a corporate lawyer. This is so that I can be exposed to as many industries as possible and get to learn as many things as I can. As I am more of a people person, I also believe that corporate law would suit me better as it requires one to interact with others to a large extent.

Therefore, it is my great hope that I will be able to enter into a course of Law in NUS for my University education.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

WEIGHT LOSS CONTRACT

  1. This contract marks the agreement between one KWAN XXXX XXXX, one WEN XXXXXXX and one WEN XXXXX.
  2. The abovementioned persons agree to work on their respective personal weight loss for their own health benefit.
  3. The result of the weight loss will be evaluated on 13 AUGUST 2008.
  4. The evaluation of the weight loss will be threefold: by definite WEIGHT LOSS in KILOGRAMMES; by BODY MASS INDEX (BMI); by WAIST TO HIP RATIO.
  5. The result will be evaluated by the amount of loss in each of the abovementioned factors for each person.
  6. The person with the greatest loss in WEIGHT, BMI and WAIST TO HIP RATIO will be the Winner, and therefore be awarded with SGD$1000.00
  7. Current WEIGHT, BMI and WAIST TO HIP RATIO:
    (undisclosed due to security classification: TOP SECRET)
  8. The other two persons will have to award SGD$1000.00 to the Winner by the inverse ratio of their weight loss i.e. the more weight loss, the less one pays.
  9. Proportion of payment will be according to the inverse proportion of weight loss.
  10. All the abovementioned persons are bound to the terms of this contract and are to do their utmost in losing weight.
Talk about motivation to lose weight!

My Personality

Neuroticism
50
Extraversion
37
Openness to Experience
56
Agreeableness
71
Conscientiousness
53
You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others, however you feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You strive hard to achieve excellence. Your drive to be recognized as successful keeps you on track toward your lofty goals. You often have a strong sense of direction in life, but may sometimes be too single-minded and obsessed with your work.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

PureAwakening Jewelry.

Friday, March 21, 2008

bean.

Loneliness had driven him mad. Although he has family, he can't help but feel the walls close in on him. The high towers of silence established about him. It was more that he could take.

Daniel was a man of logic. He saw order in the world. There was a Way with which everything worked. He figured that if he followed the Way and the Logic, everything would go as he planned. He would get a good job. He would have a good family. Yet now as he sits watching the tube at home, he feels a chill in his heart. A heart that has turned cold.

The Logic that has got him to where he is now is slowly abandoning him. The pride in holding the facts of the world in his mind had overcome him. He had become unteachable in new Ways. He was stuck.

And so he repeated to himself like a broken recorder; the Way he learnt. The Way before the new civilisation began. Before the Web was formed. Darkness crept around him, but he deigned think of it for fear of madness and depression.

What is left, now that youth and vitality has left him? Was it worth struggling against everyone else to be right when what he lost was Love and Respect? Is being so called Right so important?

This is a lesson for me. I will never be like him.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

sing pasta movie soup.

I went out with Wen Tian, Chee Wee and Zhimin today! It's been so long since we last met. The last time was Blue Beret ba?

Anyways! We went kboxing. I had it good because they actually paid for 3 people already, and I came in much later and just went in to sing. Hahas.. We ended up singing all Jay Chou songs. Hmm.. Look at us having fun!
CHIO AND DEZHI PK!Zhimin and Chee Wee having gleeful fun!Group shot!

Lunch later on was a free meal at Pastamania because we had free vouchers. Lols.. I believe it amounts to embezzlement. It was ungiven Comms Ball gifts lorh! Anyway, don't ever eat the Unagi Pasta from there.. It's not as good as I expected. I think the Tako flavoured one which Zhimin had looks more appetising. Hmm...

We later got on to watch the Leap Years. I finally get to watch it! Hmm. It wasn't as cheesy as Shuying put it out to be. I was quite frustrated with the overtly Englishness of it though.. But I guess if it were Singlish then it wouldn't be half as good.

The show was okay by my standards. Maybe just 3 stars? It didn't exactly give a heart wrench, even though I did come out of the movies wishing I too had such an idyllic love with someone. Not meant to be, it seems! I do think that it would have been better if I didn't know that they would end up together. Or if they didn't end up together. The story was too saccharine and too simplistic. I guess it's because it was adapted from a novella or short story. Hmm.

After the movie, we saw these cute walking dolls! I couldn't resist but take photos with them. Cute right?! They look like Wawas from Viwawa sia.. The Marina Square atrium was filled with PS3s and all sorts of games too... And they had a booth selling the Sony Ericsson 910i which Zhimin has and I want to buy!! Man, two things I crave at the same place. What a temptation!!

We finally went on to the Soup Spoon to makan dinner before heading home. Seems like everyone is still single too. So sad right? Now I have two rings of single friends. JEDIT and Comms Ball Comm. Lols. Sad.

But really. I think I'm starting to be able to live without someone else. After all, I don't want to be with someone just to have someone to be with. I think God will bring someone to me soon lah. Hahahas..

Thursday, March 13, 2008

total randomness.

Once again, the free day was spent on the usual things that free days are spent on. Mindless searching of videos to watch (CSI this time), playing Viwawa until I get bored of people playing slow mahjong, and just a little bit of reading the periodicals which I so often neglect.

I was supposed to go out with Pamela today, but the rain got in the way. I guess there was a part of me that didn't want to go out as well. I just want to rot at home. =) Oh wells. I don't know.

I am beginning to feel the dullness of my brain. I don't think so much anymore. So much of Army involves just doing, following instructions. My mental knife is no longer sushi-cutting-sharp. It's more like a chicken chopper now. Argh. How sad.

Perhaps I should venture into story writing.

Once upon a time, there was a young boy with a special power. He
could read people's minds. Of course, as with any other superhero story,
this boy was not born with such a power. He developed it. Kind of
like how Spiderman developed his webshooting skills when a spider bit him.
For this boy, Keane, he was hit by a radioactive van when he was 9. The
van was carrying polonium for the new reactor they were going to build in the
next town. Somehow the polonium leaked into the container....


Whatever.

You know, in life, there has to be something that you can hold on to. Everyone needs that one thing. Some people find it in love, some people find it in friends. Others find it in values, and yet others find it in God.

I sort of lost that for a moment. I didn't really know what I was doing here for. In fact, I still don't fully know. I know I have to be a good officer. I know I should be filial to my parents and elders. I know right from wrong. But so what? Some time back, everything became very grey for me. Routine and mundane. There was no stimulus in my life. I can see no growth. Perhaps this is what the Army makes of people. Drowning us out by regimentation and 101 guides to whatever you can ever think of. There is a dearth to it all...

Just then, someone told me that this is all a trial and a temporary assignment. That I should keep faith. Keep believing in the good things. Keep believing in God.

Then I realised. Did I stop believing in God and His promises? I was starting to get jaded because the world is so different from how I saw it to be. People are not helpful and supportive as I thought they would be. Not everyone works to their best ability. The world's stand is to do just enough to scrap through and to cover your own ass and fend for yourself. It's so tiring to fight it. To want to help only to be seen as a fool wasting my time.

I want to feel alive again. To laugh heartily. To really believe in the good. But maybe it's time to grow up. Growing up. I hate it already.

leave!

I'm on leave today and tomorrow! So far so good. I just watched HERO the movie and played a coupla rounds of wahjong. Here's sharing the joy of loboness with you with this video!

Friday, March 07, 2008

walls.

JEDIT members would probably benefit from this article.

-

I've been feeling very lonely these days. It seems like something that only happens after Commissioning. During the Exercise, everything was okae because everyone was busy. I was more tired than anything else. I didn't even manage to squeeze out a nice goodbye message for Jamie who left on a jet plane.

Right now, after the Exercise, it feels... feels like I can't really talk to anyone. Or SMS anyone. I wouldn't know what to say. It's almost as if I now live in a totally different planet from everyone else. I have no one to tell what I want to say to. I'm not even totally sure what is it I exactly want to say. Sounds like I have felt this before. Hahas.

Anyways, it was the QM/CCO Branch Cohesion yesterday, and we had a great time at Downtown East swimming, barbecuing and all. Had an uber expensive lunch too. $173.30! Wah. That's cheap considering we had 14 people and that there was this meal I had with EQ and Tan Long that costed $300+ at Carnivore. But man, it burned a hole in my pocket yesterday. I'm left empty. Argh. Guess I'd better tighten my yao dai (belt)!

These guys, the storemen. It seems like they are all I've got left. Mum and Dad are primarily worried about money and what the sub-prime crisis would mean to us (Dad thinks the world, Mum thinks the family). We are not exactly a family that brings our personal problems to the table to talk about them. Friends... well. I don't know. I'm having a hard time getting through to people lately.

So as I was saying, all I've got are the storemen. Yet there are things that I cannot tell them. Because they are men, and I am an officer. I never believed in this before when 2LT Yong Chiang talked about it. Never believed in the holier than thou bullshit. But now I understand. It's true... there is a difference.

So I am actually effectively left with myself... and God. Perhaps this is God taking the initiative to get me to get to Him. Hahas. I think my walk has improved a little? I'm starting to think God more. Yet at the same time, I am aware of my little indiscretions. Compromises. What a thin line to walk! I guess I need to constantly remind myself that God is faithful even though I am faithless.

To sum it all up, actually... It's just a feeling of unease in me. A restlessness. Bleh. Can't get rid of it. Hope it gets away.

desiderata.

Something I found in the depths of past reams of schoolwork.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful

Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, 1927

Funny how I just found this after Dad talked about the treacheries of others. And how I was just lamenting the loneliness of life in my current job.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

ramblings of a deranged mind.

I am currently really bored with nothing to do on my hands. Hence, I started searching names in my blog. Some rather interesting reads turned up. This might sound rather egotistical, but I quite like the way I write. It sounds like I am talking to myself. Or maybe to some unknown person (predator -gasp!-) from the freakin' wide web.

You know, I almost wanted to publish a post about how I first really fell in love (one-sided, but still quite unforgettable) as my Valentine's Day post. It's right there in my drafts! I stopped writing it halfway because I thought it was too personal. Plus the fact that the person I liked never really liked me. I found later on that it was just some fun thing which thoughtless people do over the Net. Ouch. Hahas.

It's really rather bittersweet because of how funny the whole thing is. Man. I would say that's why I'm never an advocate of meeting people online. How would you ever know how the person really is like? If you are really lucky, you meet someone who is truthful and what you wished for. If you are not, then it's better just to treat it as something fun and leave it as that. I didn't. I've always been quite a serious kind of person... so I treated that relationship quite seriously. Obviously it ended badly lah! If I can say it ended at all, since it didn't technically start.

Thinking about it now, it's really rather funny. I still smile thinking about it. Good learning experience lah. Hahas. At least now I know more, I know exactly what I am looking for in a relationship. I know "true love" can only cover real problems for a while, but not get rid of them for good. Geez. I hope I don't end up single after so much enlightenment!

Wow. Quite amazing how an entry out of boredom developed into this eh? Now I guess I have to balance daring to make a move and protecting myself from being hurt. So drama! Hahas. Someone should totally produce a drama series about me. =P

Okae lah. I shall stop talking randomly and go find something else to do. Like play Sushi-do on Viwawa....

endex.

Finally it has ended. Funnily with clearing the rubbish from MEGA MEGA HAPPY HOUR with "seafood". Sometimes I really have to accept the fate of being a logistician. First in, last out. Tiring sometimes, sucky sometimes, but it's quite alright =)

There was something that almost made me tear just yesterday, or should I say the day before...

Kelvin was tired of CCO asking him to cover for Jason the perma-MA mess steward, and he was getting really emo about it, saying how it was not even in his job scope and all... I could understand where he was coming from. Sometimes boss doesn't really think about how the men would feel about certain things. He just keeps wanting things to be done for face's sake.

The men were discontented because they always had to cover the mess boys' arse while they went off on their long term MCs and MAs. Sometimes it's really unfair. Kind of when you work so hard, only to see your colleague come in late in the morning and take random days of off. It's demoralising. I totally understand.

What was difficult to get across to them was that the work needed to be done regardless of how we felt. Yes, it's not necessarily fair, it's not necessarily in our jobscope, but somehow someone has to step up to the plate and do the thing. That would mean us. Us. Not one person. Because at the end of the day, no one singles out one person. It is always US. The QM Platoon. We as a whole have to work together seamlessly to provide the service to the Division to the best of our capabilities. That's what I hope to see in my platoon. But how do I get them to see this ideal without being cynical? I've been hitting walls.

It was at that moment after telling them during RO that I expected more from them than just doing their jobscope, and then seeing the guys going to the mess to carry the beer even though I told them that they could go home, that I really saw what a great bunch of guys I had. They didn't have to do it. They could have left it to others. I told them not to do it. But they did. They chose to do more. At that moment, I almost couldn't stop my tears from flowing down.

Yes, perhaps I am too drama and emo. But really. Thank God for my platoon. Even though every one of them has some peculiar thing about them, but each of them works hard. Each of them tries to do their best. That's all that I ask...

Great job guys!
 
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