Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Guest Blog // Liansheng

I bring you the totally uncensored guest blogger, Liansheng!!!

Somehow, it feels really weird to be guest blogging. I guess, this is what I call 'in desperate times, we call for desperate measures'. I am kind of suffering from this emotional low, or the classy-er people would say 'nadir', due to many stuff [my GP tutor will kill me for saying this excessively] accumulating throughout the course of my oh-so-important Advanced Level Examinations. While some are left with the simple task of shading ovals which would be over tomorrow, I still have a daunting 3 hour paper waiting for me on Friday. However, this ain't my point tonight. I have chosen to blog in mr suan's blog cause I am attention-seeking or rather, I see that blogging in a closed personal space is not longer therapeutic for me. Haha, actually it is, but well, you know, I need to share some thoughts with people at times to show my presence! Ah, this explanation ain't working. I just felt like it, ok? Haha. Pardon me for my randomness.

Well, isn't it true that in life, we are constantly filled with these kind of randomness, these kind of out-of-the-blue feelings that I think aren't that bad, cause they make me think a lot, and reassesses my self-identity or at least my real thoughts about the surroundings. I still remember how I was having this terrible feeling, which is still lingering. It somehow stemmed from my frustration with studying cause, really, don't you think having an exam for 1 whole month is so mentally tiring? Well this terrible feeling just came from a terrible MSN conversation which happened last night. [Oh please, I hope the person in question doesn't pop over and stumble upon mr suan's site and render me speechless with his questions after reading what I have to say] Haha.

Basically, I've got to start off by saying that MSN is a brilliant thing. It creates illusions that somehow give more depth and feel to someone who probably isn't so in real life. Don't you feel the same way? Those emoticons and phrases that people use don't necessary reflect what they are in nature, but it somehow blinds your impression and jazz up his image. Haha, you can disagree, but in my opinion, I do think so. [Perhaps it's just that I have met quite a couple of this kind of people.]

Honestly, I had a boring conversation last night. Not the usual one-worded replies, but terribly insensitive conversation that tried so hard to be politically correct, it discounted all the friendship that was left between the two of us. He was trying to whine about his papers, but at the same time, he was trying not to. Confused? I was too. He was saying that he deserved this and that, but at the same time, tried to be politically correct by saying that oh, different people have different expectations, so yada yada. Come on, both of us were having a horrible bout of time that night, so why can't we just give this whole thing a skip and move on to something else? Well, somehow, the topic never shifted, and the whole focus on academia just totally killed me. My whole point is, I thought we were good friends, yet, at times, there are just thoughts occurring over and over again, just as if it was all wrong from the start. Darn, I sound like some kind of girl, having being jilted. In conclusion, I just need an outlet to let all this shit out, and tadah, mr suan kindly let me grace his blog (with my words). Don't you think some of our friends don't really make us feel good, yet at the same time, we are so bent on continuing this friendship?

Life is weird. Haha. Anyway, on a sidenote, I am kind of getting over this thing. In fact, it has never really hit me hard, I just wanted to type it out and reason it through logically. Whatever it is, i guess I am done with my content for this entry. Anyway, couple of music to look out for:

1. Faith Yang's Nu Jue [Duchess]

2. Fantasia Barrino

For those uninitiated, Faith Yang is this brilliant indie-chick belting out chinese songs that are filled with emotions, and she recently released her 4th album after 5 years of sabbatical. She really wanted to give up 5 years ago, but somehow, she persisted and came out with this current album which I think rocks. The cover, and singles released all enthralled me to the maximum, and it's been such a long time someone so indie gave me much to be thrilled about. Watch out for this feisty girl.

As for Fantasia Barrino, many would probably remember her as this screaming Americal Idol winner, but I thought her album [Free Yourself] gave me much inspiration while I was thinking about life and its what's-not. Tracks to look out for include 'Always on my mind', 'free yourself', 'ain't gonna beg you' and 'This is me'.

Enjoy.

Liansheng

開不了口

開不了口
曲: 周杰倫
词: 徐若瑄


才離開沒多久就開始 擔心今天的妳過得好不好

整個畫面是妳 想妳想的睡不著

嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣 還有在妳身上香香的味道

我的快樂是妳 想妳想的都會笑

Chorus 1
沒有妳在我有多難熬

(沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)

沒有妳煩我有多煩惱

(沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)

穿過雲層 我試著努力向妳奔跑

愛才送到 妳卻已在別人懷抱

Chorus 2

就是開不了口讓她知道

我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑

妳對我有多重要 我後悔沒讓妳知道

安靜的聽妳撒嬌 看妳睡著一直到老

就是開不了口讓她知道

就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到

整顆心懸在半空我只能夠遠遠看著

這些我都做得到但那個人已經不是我

Repeat Chorus 1
Repeat Chorus 2


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The Day Out

Made my brand new biometric passport early this morning. I wonder why they didn't ask for my thumbprint if it's biometric. The ICA is a super efficient place. I was barely there 30 minutes and they finished all the paperwork for my passport, all while I was queuing for photo-taking. Thanks to the NEC people who registered for me over the Net! I can get it by Monday. Hohos..

I was kind of expecting hoards of people after what the news of a few months ago read. Hmm.. maybe queuing all the way to Kallang River was exaggerated.

I went to play badminton with the class later on. Jamie brought her 'brother'. Like OMG. He was super good at drop shots. I was tripping all over myself trying to catch them. But I think I did quite well =D My badminton is not bad okae! I felt myself losing weight after all the perspiration too. Hahas..

Anyway, her brother's called Yuan Feng. He is super good at DotA lorh! Not that I am lousy myself. I finally figured out the tact to using Ogre Magi. Muahahahas.. I totally slaughtered the SK and Pugna. Poor Kelvin! He didn't use his wards to stop me from stunning him. Hm.. But really.. I only got two kills because Yuan Feng sk-ed me so many million times. Haix. Dwarven Snipers are irritating!!!!! I shall be one next time. Hahas..

If you don't follow my mental hop, we actually went for lunch after badminton, then we went to play DotA while Jamie and Ali went to the ulu Adidas warehouse sale in a place where I have forgotten. Hmm..

I bet I can face off Tan Long now. Hahas.. But that would have to wait till I have money. Spent everything I have today.. Hais..

Well.. I actually wanted to blog about something else today, but hey, let's forget it till the next entry.. Hehs.

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Rant 4 // Midnight.

It's one forty-three in the morning right now, but I don't feel like sleeping yet.

My MSN chatter got tired and when to sleep, but I can't really sleep right now. If only Shuying were awake now. We could exchange one-worded replies. Hahas.. Really, she is likely to be the only one I know who would be awake at this hour..

Have you ever been breathless before? Not the running-till-you-are-breathless kind. The breath-taken-away kind. Tan Long, I know you haven't. I doubt Jaden has either (did I spell it right? Or is it Jayden, or Jaedon?) It discomforts me. Makes me feel as if I don't have control over my own emotions.
Emotions are a powerful tool. Some accuse charismatics of using music and impactful speeches to manipulate emotion to gain their scale of popularity and eventually - money. Now that I am in a charismatic church, I can make no such claim. I can only say that all churches are different, and Jesus warned of false prophets and antichrists in the end times, so those are probably it.
It is, at the same time, one of it's kind. Exhilarating. It doesn't mean anything though.. I believe something only means anything if we consciously choose it to be. I don't intend to do that. I can't deny that there's nothing quite like it though.. The feeling of smelling the proverbial freshly cut grass.. Hahas.. Nothing quite like it!

Okae, I see that blogging about being breathless is quite laborious. At this moment, I can think of nothing to add.

I guess what I want to say is that.. is that.. I had fun today and if only everyday were like today without having to go through all those complicated things that would mess everything up.

Man, I feel stupid. This is going to come back to haunt me, I'm sure.. And the fall would be so far down.. To quote Shuying again, "the more the hope, the worse the disappointment". Thankfully I learnt not to hope for anything and be content with everything.

Then again..

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Reads

Due to the recent lack of purpose and focus in my life after the said end of studying for the rest of my life until 2 years later, I've taken up a hobby I've long neglected - reading.

I started by discovering that the gracious NLB actually allows me to borrow books even though I have fines! Thanks to this, I borrowed three books, The Firm by John Grisham, See No Evil by Michael Ridpath, and Gridlock by Ben Elton.

I managed to finish Gridlock this morning while waiting for Tan Long to descend upon us at Bishan from his oversleep. It was grueling, the book. Comedy as a medium to reflect social issues such as the excess of cars are not appreciated by readers such as I. I found the book too flippant for my taste, where people die easily without sentimentality for the character. The pace of the story too, was choppy and weird; the ending anticlimatic, yet admittedly fitting and well. It was natural for the story to end in a way that left the reader thinking that the traffic problems that we face are impossible to solve because of the economic impact and the lack of political will. Indeed, even if a miracle engine were to surface, it would take a long time for its integration into our society, by the time which it would be laid to waste by oil moguls - that for one, is fact.

Thank God for Toyota Prius in the real world!

Right now, I am on to The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. One should never attempt Oscar Wilde when out of love! Such desire and longing lies in his prose that one easily gets infected by his ideas of decadence and the immorality of mortality. I haven't finished half the book, but already I see how Dorian Gray would be corrupted by Lord Henry, doomed to live out his immortality in existentialism, living each experience out to the demise of those around him. We shall see!

Oscar Wilde, I must say, is a master at his craft. Already I am falling in love with his work. Such use of emotions is hard to come by. Ben Elton for one, is like rubble as compared to a great statue of David when put beside Wilde. I might want to dig out more of his works from my little library to keep away the cold and lonely nights here. Hahas..

Well then, I am about done here. Maybe 2 months would be over in a flash.. but if everyday were like today, I wish it never would.. I had fun! May there be fun tomorrow too!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Movie Review // Step Up

Ay ay~! :))

I'm back after the A levels! Woot! No more studying for 2 years!

Here I am giving you a movie review on Step Up, a movie I watched after the Econs Paper with Huimin. Hehs..

The story's simple:
A bunch of street kids break into an Arts School and wreck their stage set and Tyler, played by Channing Tatum, gets caught by the security guard after helping his friends take off. So he gets sentenced to 200 hours of community service at the Arts School and eventually helps out this girl Nora, played by Jenna Dewan, choreograph her dance piece for a showcase.

The whole idea of the movie is how a street kid with no future planned out, living in a foster family, starts thinking about what he wants to do for the rest of his life other than stealing cars and play ball and fumbles upon dancing. It helps that he dances real well too, and he finds love along the way.

Nothing fancy about the film, but I love it for the meaning behind it and the cool dance moves. It's the kind of movie that makes you want to become a dancer after watching it. Really empowering. So go watch it if you are sick of seriously dull movies or overtly mushy romance comedies. It's worth it.

3.5 STARS!

I'm like hooked onto Hip Hop music cos of this movie. The groove's superb man.. I'm gonna get myself some Sean Paul when I get me money. Go get their soundtrack if you can! It's gonna be better than the movie.

Go visit their MySpace! It's really cool with the music vids and trailers and all.. The interview was quite inspiring too, with the kids talking about how dancing finally pays off and how people should follow their dreams....

One thing though... if you are going to Cathay, go with someone who can drink coke. I bought myself two cups of coke because I didn't know Huimin was sick enough to not drink coke and cos Cathay doesn't allow you to buy a bigger popcorn without two drinks!!!! Argh. My bladder was bursting by the time I came outta the theatre! I bet my control skills went up several notches just by withholding my river there. Lols.

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

A life of boredom?

Finally a day of rest before the end of A levels tomorrow!!

The day was spent unwisely on the Net and watching Gong!! (shh.. my ma is not supposed to know.) I felt kinda stupid later because the Channel U repeated the exact episode tonight which I watched again.

Right now, I am trying to do more Chem MCQs to get myself familiarised with the timing and format tomorrow. 40 questions in 1 hour! It will be a madhouse man.. not least because most of everyone would finish tomorrow. Wah.. people already starting shouting and screaming after Econs yesterday lorh. I don't know what will happen tomorrow lorh. Hahas.. but I am looking forward!

I really can't imagine what I am going to do after.. Sure, we can play DOTA for a few days, go explore Vivo City, blah blah blah.. but what am I going to do after?! Life would totally lose focus. Argh.. I hope I don't fall into some depressive pit of emptiness and purposelessness. Maybe I should get myself a girlfriend for a month! Hahas..

But really.. I think I would focus on slimming down. Hmm.. work towards 8 pecs for abs! Maybe I will go kayaking again if circumstances allow.. I heard KRT's changing coach because Mr Lawrence and Mr Mark Lim are leaving the college.. Wah. I hope everything works out and Cher stays!

Okae. I hope everything goes well and life doesn't suck after JC...............

Friday, November 10, 2006

God Speaks...

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

"God hates the sin, but loves the sinner."

I read these two statements from two different blogs and they just popped out. It's as if God is trying to tell me something here...

Dr Khoo talked about grace last Sunday. About getting what we don't deserve as opposed to mercy, which is not getting what we deserve i.e. eternal damnation in unquenchable fires. Grace. I must say, I really still don't get the concept of it. Like what Dr Khoo said, it's not something that we would get after listening to a sermon. (Or was it Joyce Meyer's podcast?) Hmm.. anyway, I find it hard to believe that God would forgive someone who sins over and over again.

It's like running on a treadmill... Walking on the same spot all the time, never really moving on. How does he tolerate that?! It's all the self-condemnation suddenly negated by a single scripture of his promise to cleanse.

I can't believe it, but by faith, I will.

Politics

Taking a tiny break from the A levels, I decided to concern myself with Parliamentary matters by watching TV (hoho!) and of course, there's the hot topic recently, the Midterm Elections of the US.

If you didn't know already, the Democrats won with Nancy Pelosi making a grand speech about what America wants and what the Democrats can give. The skeptic in me tells me that a few years from now, they would be exactly the same as the Republicans. Lost and unpopular.

More and more, democracy seems to be a farce to me. It seems that popularity matters more than truth in a democracy. There's no lack of examples here. Just look at the GMA saga in the Phillipines, Thaksin in Thailand, Chen Shui Bian in Taiwan, and now Bush in America. It appears to me that with a certain degree of media manipulation, the people can be turned against you, no matter how popular you are. Bear in mind that all these leaders were voted in with very strong mandates.

With such media proliferation and opposing viewpoints, it's no longer possible to safeguard your governance from detractors. I tend to give these politicians the benefit of the doubt (perhaps with the exception of Bush). It's amazing how a lack of evidence combined with immense media hoo-ha can kill politicians. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Where is legislation in these countries? How can democracy stand without solid evidence to back opinions and accusations?

That perhaps is the Achilles' heel in this system. Without the support of the people, even if what you are doing is correct, or even essential, for example, staying in Iraq until further stability is achieved, you will not succeed. Look where economic reforms got Arroyo? Do we as the 'people' not see what's really good for the long run, instead of mere tax rebates and what's good for our pockets?

I am beginning to see a glimpse of why MM Lee opposes free media. From America, we can see just how powerful the media can be in manipulating the hearts and minds of the people. Perhaps its better that Singapore is moving at a much slower pace with the people agreeing with most of the government's policy, yet getting a greater say in law-making, as one MP proposed yesterday in Parliament.

One drawback though.. Singapore politics are just so boring for that. Hmm.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

你听到了吗?我把《宫》的音乐放了上去。好听吧? 听不见的话可不要怪我!是你的电脑慢。=P

对自己无法再上音乐的我,也只有听听歌,想想事吧。。。

今天的数学考试还不错。我会再接再厉的!

Monday, November 06, 2006

HDB Hysteria

An article in primary school criticised the Singaporean creation of HDB apartment blocks as inhumane. The minute living spaces were seen as jail-like by the more land-abundant first world countries (think Europe's vast vineyards and America's Wyoming which has less that one person living in it per square mile); unfit for human consumption.

HDB flats were a novel creation, since replicated by Hong Kong, Shen Zhen, etc. Think about it.. Condominiums are really just more expensive flats with less space and an eternal lease to it until Vogons decides to build a Galactic Superhighway through it!

The then younger me who didn't know better blasted that article to smithereens with my mental ray, banishing to Suaneverland. Now I know.. the Brits were right.

Staying home and not talking to anyone for most of the day for days on end has taught me just how small my room is. I can't imagine how life would be like if I have to stay the rest of it in this five-room flat!! Coupled with my I-think-I-have-no-friends and My-life-is-pathetically-void-of excitement mentality, I am surprised that I am not dead or in need of Valium yet.

It's HORRIBLE. God. Who knew talking to people was so vital for Mr Suan's survival? I need to feel that my world is bigger than my room too. Maybe that's why I go out most of the time. There's this drive to be larger and to expand myself. HMM. Maybe that's why I was fat! Hahas.

The days without blogging were torturous too. With so many thoughts running around in my head, it was hard not being able to type them out. I know, they are the same thoughts over and over again, but forgive my angst! I must say, I am a lot less angsty than before, now without any fantasies of living happily ever after with someone I love while playing the piano in the background and my wife listening to my grouses.

I quit piano! Haix. See the destruction in people's lives and dreams National Service brings? There's no way I can start playing like Nobuo Uematsu any time soon, I think.

Indeed, these four walls around me offer little comfort, but shove the fact that I am little and tiny in the world in my face.

Ironically, the only way I can get out of this is by studying really hard and becoming successful enough to knock off one of the wall for a bigger room, but here I am blogging. Hahas.. (sense the subtle use of irony? Guy who guesses it right gets a prize! I don't mean the obvious one hor..)

Well, well, its time I got back to A Levels Mathematics Paper 2 9233/2 2002............

See you again soon!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hiatus

I bid thee farewell, my cute people!

I am to diminish into the neverending towers of A level guides and books in search for divine wisdom and knowledge and multitudes of cash in return for it. Ye, the examinations beckons!

Good-by, my good people, good-by, until we meet thus again when the moon shows its full face once more.

I am falling in love...

1 day left to 'A' levels General Paper!!!
If you are reading this, you must be crazy like me.

I have been thinking a lot about what I would get after 'A' levels. Escapism larh..

VESPA GRANTURISMO!

Of course I would have to get a 2B license from SSDC first. Hahas.. And a Vespa would probably have to wait till I gather enough bounty from NS..

I want to become a jazz pianist too (if I can ever continue my piano lessons). Yup. I am recently hooked to jazz piano music. There's actually a podcast on iTunes that teaches jazz chords but.... its too long. 50 mins per clip! Oh man..

If I can, I want to tio vay piow too. That means strike toto. Hahahass..

Yes, I am still dreaming. Someone wake me up.
 
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