Monday, April 30, 2007

zZz

So this is what superboredom feels like.

I've spent most of the day watching TV, eating, and playing DotA all at the same time. It's a pity Jamie is sick and everyone else is working or in OCS. I'd much rather go out than stay home like this!! Sigh.

Anyways, I spent the morning at CBRE wearing a bombsuit to go through obstacles. The bombsuit really makes me stupid. I couldn't do the wooden puzzle in the end no matter how I tried. Argh.. But no matter! I want to go to BMTC more than CBRE. Hahas..

There's nothing much else really going on.. What else could be happening for an army boy like me? Maybe just the fact that NUS Law didn't acecpt me. Neither did SMU Law, I think. But I will work hard for my dreams. It's hardly over! There's still the first year of university to get there!

Alrighty! I shall leave you to your own stuff. Stop reading. Off you go!

Till next time when I come up with something emo to say....

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I just updated Suan Journey again. Go read it!

Something Stupid

I'm feeling stupid again. Stupid as in emo stupid, not dumb stupid, you stupid!

The past week in camp has been highlighted by the feeling of being alone in this world. There's Zhixue calling his girlfriend every night beside me, Nai Cheng calling his mum everyday across the room, Yongshan calling his friends, and then there's me, not calling anyone, not really smsing anyone because I think I am a nuisance.

Then there's the thought of having no one out here since my family is absorbed in their own little worlds where we don't really care for each other in a very apparent sense, and the rest of the people are in camp in SAFTI.

How did I end up with so little friends I can talk to after living for 18 odd years?

I know why. It's not that I can't talk to my friends. It's me. I'm the person thinking that I'm a nuisance. The only thing preventing me from calling people is my unwillingness to. Why????

I can't really explain it. Maybe I don't want to depend on others. Because if talk to others too much, I might just like it, then I would be even more miserable when those people are not there for me to talk to. And that goes in a vicious cycle. Argh.

Oh wells. The only way out is to stop being silly I guess..

It's pride man. Wanting to feel important in someone else's life. That's pride like what Uncle Kuan Yew preached about today. How to I get past it? Do I want to get past it?

In time I will just forget about this I guess.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Away I Go.

I am just here for a blitz post.

Wanted to post up the sermon for today in SJ, but I don't have enough time now. Need to be at the MRT by 1930hrs! Ahh!!

Nothing much to say, other than the fact that I feel much better as compared to yesterday, and the fact that my grandmother still doesn't remember me. -ouch-

She still doesn't say my name nor recognises me. Perhaps I really don't matter much. Maybe that's why I don't want to go there that often. Hmmmmm.

Aiyah. Shall not ruminate on such things. Another time perhaps. I gotta go.

Love y'all!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Carried On Wings.

Hello folks!

I'm started a new blog at called suanjourney to document my walk with God. Go check it out HERE if you wish to. Maybe you will see different perspectives of me. Maybe I will too..

I tried out WordPress just for fun.

Oh, and I found out why I wasn't happy. I felt that I was alone. But now I'm not. Hahas. Not spiritually anyway.

Okae. Cheers everyone!

Out.

I Am..

I didn't intend to blog this book-out. These few days have been pretty depressing for me, for no particular reason. That's really odd for me; I haven't felt like this for quite some time now.

Contrary to the insistent beliefs of Rich and Teckie about my cynicism, I've been mostly happy for a long long time now. Then suddenly this bout of disgruntlement hit me. I wasn't really happy with what I was doing - nothing, basically.

I need someone I can talk to to talk to. Perhaps I need a stranger who knows nothing about me.

Anyways, I shall not say much further here. What good does words do?

I blogged mainly because I saw something I think Liansheng would like. ALANIS MORISSETTE! singing My Humps by the Black Eye Peas, no less.



It sounds very Alanissy, i.e. emo. Quite a nice interpretation of the song really. Very funny. Hahas.. It got me smiling.

Also!, (oh shit I forgot what I was gonna write).

Hmm. Well, I'm trying to watch Heroes, but the server is not exactly working with me. It's perma-stuck at 8%! Disgusting. So now I don't know what Hiro and Ando would do in Las Vegas. Grrrr..

Ah.. now I remember. I'm here to promote BB 60th Tees! Just drop by their website through the link and look at some of those tees. I want to buy!! But I shall wait till 1) I have the money 2) someone approaches me so that it goes to their donations. So if you are reading this, 60th juniors, ask me. =D

I like this design especially. It's like really cute!


If you are interested, do drop them an email alright? It's really cheap at only $15. Hurry, before the prices go up.

Okae.. For now, I can't think of anything more to say. It's been a good distraction, but now I have to go back to sulking. Hahas..

Maybe I just wish I were a little more whole.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Hello, stranger.

One quickie before I get whisked off to Location X for more grueling training.

Time is more precious now. More than ever. I only have 1 and a half days in the real world now. 5 and a half in a sea of green and grey. Haix. It's all passing too fast!

I have a humongous blister which I could show you if only I had my Sony camera which I crave for. I hope it doesn't impede any of the fast marches or IPPTs or endurance runs we are going to do. Going in with truckloads of plasters just in case..

On a more interesting note, I just found out yesterday that someone from MINDEF still reads my blog. That's quite scary. Considering that I can technically get charged for anything in the world. I feel like I'm in a very good position to get extras, being the a______e IC. Oh wells, shit happens when it happens, as 2LT Mahran likes to say.

On the personal front, I feel that I have reached a new understanding of myself these 2 days again. I found out, after so long, that I am actually not looking out for a relationship. There's just no spark left in me for that. Perhaps it died a long time ago together with my silly naivety. So for Jamie who was trying to insinuate something, sorry, but it's impossible.

But maybe she's right on something else... If I don't like Alicia nor eelings, I must be gay. Hahas.. Unfortunately I don't like guys either.

Haix. I think it's because people I ever liked all have boyfriends. Hahas.. Nah.

This discussion with myself is so gratuitous. Hahas.

More importantly, I am more affected by the condition of my grandmother. She has improved immensely now, being quite talkative and all.. but.... she doesn't remember my name. That kills me. I feel like maybe I'm just not that relevant. At least she mentions my brother, sister and cousin. Maybe I don't really exist in her head. Haix.

Let's not talk about depressing stuff anymore.. I suddenly miss someone whom I know will not miss me. Because well, dinosaurs are more memorable than silly Dezhi. It's no big deal really.. just that sometimes I wish I could talk meaningful crap to people again. I haven't in a long LONG time.

Oh wells.

Adieu people. Back to where I would lead with pride.
 
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