Saturday, February 24, 2007

When God Speaks

While at Youth Group this afternoon, Chee Keen shared on 1 Samuel 3 ...

God speaks to us through
- His Word,
- Clear audible voice,
- Prophetic words,
- People

When God Speaks, we might be UNAWARE of it initially, but later learn to know Him through the instruction and help of leaders and through the gradual deeper knowledge of the Word. We must be willing to listen and be unafraid and sensitive to His spirit.

What God says to us might make us feel UNEASY at times. In the case of Samuel, he was faced with the dilemma of delivering negative news regarding Eli's descendants to him. We are to know that we are given the authority to speak those words unto others when God gives us the Word if it is for edification, rebuking or correction.

Even when God's message does not appeal to us, we should not be UNREACTIVE to God when He speaks but be humble and obey God's Word. In Eli's case, he had a "let it be" attitude toward God's warning which caused judgment to be passed down. If he had interceded for his sons, perhaps they would have been spared through God's mercy.

The story of Samuel also teaches us that we should not discount God on how He can speak to us.

-

What was really interesting to me was when Joanna shared the testimony of what God has been doing in her life. She basically said something that was in my heart for a long time.

The realisation that there would be no one in the world who would know me fully except God, and the heartbreak of the knowledge that there would be no one to know me fully previously.

The desperate search for someone to understand me fully made me blog. (hahas!) And when I thought I really did find some soulmate to know me, I was made to realise that I was sadly mistaken.

What a perfect example of God speaking to me through other people! Just a moment after the sharing God showed me the truth of the message. Hahas.. Amazing!

Can't wait to hear more tomorrow!

Monday, February 19, 2007

I have this urge to type something, so I thought I would just write out what I am thinking right this moment.

Well. I've been blog surfing, looking at the Allegiance blog, at friends' blogs and it got me thinking. What exactly am I doing with my life? What am I good at?

I realised.. I'm good at nothing. Bouts of self-loathe and inferiority complex starts to hit me.

You know, Hsia Pin once said that I'm good at putting people at ease. I always thought it was a nice way of saying that I'm goofy.

Hahas.. That reminds me of a joke I saw in a magazine:

Mickey Mouse finally decided to divorce Minnie Mouse after a marriage of 60 years.

The judge refused to grant the separation in the end stating, 'Mr Mouse, the fact that your spouse has buck-teeth doesn't constitute grounds for a divorce'

'No,' Mickey replied. 'I meant she was fucking Goofy!'

Hmm. Get it?

Nevermind.

Well.. it's just that I find that after 19 years, it seems like I don't really have a significant skill. That's kinda depressing. It'd be good if I were good at something. Like music for Chee Keen & Kit. Or if I enjoyed things better.. Like choir games like Chin Guan.

Hmmm....

I don't know.

I guess I'm just supposed to be content and happy. Right.

I'm trying to learn some things on my own now, now that I'm aware of this. I don't want to be Jack. I want to be Master! Hahas..

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just ranting.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

so aren't you glad?

Man, having to think up titles for entries are starting to really piss me off.

I just went to take a look at The Allegiance blog.

It's finally updated! And updated a lot.

I felt a surge of joy. Don't really know why. It feels good to know that something you created is finally put to use, I guess.

The articles are many.. I shall take my time to read them. Hahas.. And thank God that there's such a channel for me to still know His Word when I cannot be physically at the youth group sessions.

by the way...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!
to all of you out there.

Get loads of red packets.

=)

chinese new year blues.

This year is slightly more pathetic than the last. A downward spiral, I think.

We didn't go visiting with grandma and my aunties. I guess things have become quite different since grandpa died. Who would have known that his death would suck the life out of my paternal extended family?

The usual talk of why my youngest uncle didn't come for reunion dinner was brought up again. Kinda happens once a year. The family comes together to lament his absence and ponder upon the reason as to why he never came back.

The story goes like this: he left my grandparents to go live on his own after he got a stable job and income. Off he goes to become some engineering consultant (I'm not too clear on the details). Normally he only comes back during reunion dinner. Even then, he would not really mix with us, always stashing himself away in a room.

Then my grandpa died...

My uncle came back, of course.. we thought it was for good. He was pretty chummy with us, started really talking and interacting with us after so many years..

Then he vanished.

Refused all calls we tried to make, ignored smses, etc.

God only knows what he's doing now.

Anyways, also because of my grandfather's death, we found no point in visiting the other uncles and grandpeople.. It was just too.. pointless. Boring actually.. That coupled with the fact that they have nothing much to talk to us about anymore now that my grandpa died.

Strange though.. it has been 5 years since his demise. We are still feeling the impact. In fact, it seems to be getting worse. Hmm...



On another note, I still managed to get some angbao money from my maternal side!

The aunties and uncles and cousins all came visiting my auntie's house and so it was really crowded. Hmm.. I must say, I was quite intimidated by the crowd. Not a crowd person, me.

Saw loads of people I don't know actually.. Nephews and nieces I never knew I had. Hahas..

Oh wells.. blame me for being an idiot on details..


I managed to win a dollar from mahjong too! Not significant, but good enough practice for tomorrow night. Hahas..

Other than that, there's nothing much. Uneventful year, it seems.. I'm starting to miss Tekong. There's nothing to do in Singapore! Even Orchard Road is closed. Haix. Starting to feel the emptiness of being in NS and having no aim in life but be a soldier.

But I said I would be a good soldier! And so I will.

Just hope tomorrow brings more excitement. HOME!!!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Poked.

I'm on Atten C! In layman's speak it's an MC.

Why, you ask? Did I get high fever or something?

Nooo... I got poked.

Man, of all the mental horror flashes of how I would die, I never did factor in being poked.

I pictured myself being knocked down by a speeding car, being swept off by an MRT, being thrown overboard a ship, getting in an aeroplane which was gonna crash. Never quite being poked. Hmm..

Well, what happened was that the company was getting our heads shaved again because it was getting long again (I'm actually starting to like botak. It's cooling and easy to dry!), and Wei Quan (a platoon-mate) was helping me to dust off my hair from by body. And er.. there was a sudden movement and the brush got into my eye.

I couldn't open my eye at first. Quite frightening, really.. but I slept off the first night. Then when morning came and it still felt really painful, I went to visit the Holy Land. Hahas.. that's what Sergeant Alex calls the Medical Centre.

So Cpt (Dr) Chi Keong got me to CGH cos he couldn't really diagnose the problem..

Blah blah blah...

Eventually the specialist said I had abrasion on the conjunctiva and some infection. I can actually see the patch of bacteria growing. Quite freaky. Hahas.. but it's much better now. At least I can open my eyes and the pain is negligible.

This incident caused me to miss my Sit test. Really suay for me. Haix.. Is God telling me that I shouldn't go OCS, or is He letting me spend Valentine's Day outside of camp? Oh wells...

Life's as boring outside as inside. It sucks to spend V Day alone. Hahas.. At least I get to do things in Tekong..

But it's quite amusing to see Mum and Dad cleaning up the house together before CNY. Man, they had us fooled with those quarrels. Hahas.. As long as my mum doesn't insult and my dad doesn't get into ideolog, it's perfect peace.

Alright. I need to go bathe now.. Still have an appointment later at CGH..

Sunday, February 11, 2007

so little time so much to do

I thought I would just blog one entry before I book in, even though I know no one would read it. (Cos everyone is either in the army or busy working..)

The past two weeks went by faster than the previous two weeks.

I learnt quite a lot of myself.. Like how I tend to judge people, like how I get nervous when asked to step up to the plate. I actually began to loathe myself a little more. Kept thinking of how cynical I've become, how things were better in the past.

Truth is, I feel displaced. It seems like army life has left me without a place to call my own. Tekong is not my home, my home is not my home, my blog is left neglected, my friends are all busy with their own thing.. I pretty much have nothing left.

Once again, God showed me that He's there. Even as I dislike my iniquities, even as I find that there are things I cannot control, He's there to tell me that He loves me, and that it doesn't matter that I am flawed. And that He will always be with me.

I don't know if that's enough. In all honesty, I prefer people too. Hahas..

The worst of BMT is over, I guess, with field camp out of the way.. Just wish things could be slower, and I can settle down a little.

Hsia Pin talked about feeling lonely yesterday. It's strange that it's exactly how I feel. Not that there's no one around me. Just that.. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone at all.. Haix...

-shrugs- Maybe I would stop feeling this way soon. Book in time!
 
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