Sunday, July 19, 2009

It is very difficult to write about what you truly feel when you know that there are people reading it. I guess that is why most people write mostly stuff that don't matter on their blogs or prefer to dedicate their blogs to subject matters instead of having a journalling sort. I guess I have to learn to move towards that too..

I quarrelled with my brother yesterday and it became very bad. Somehow I always find no middle ground with him. Sometimes when you demand respect from others, you would need to respect others too. If you think everyone as beneath you, or that everyone's opinion is somehow wrong or warped, how can you convince anyone of anything?

I'd rather not talk so much about it though. Things will be better when I move out.

Friday, July 10, 2009



I am feeling emo tonight.

I actually intended to bitch about the car getting in the way of my escaping from home. Somehow owning a vehicle is not as exciting as I imagined. Probably because I turned out to be the only person who is driving. It's an immense pressure, really. And a pain in the ass when you are shoved with the responsibility of chauffeuring the entire family around. The sad fact is also that I cannot go anywhere with the car without some tacit approval from The Family. So I am as good as an ahmad, really.

I believe I ever mentioned that I never liked staying at home. It just gives me a feeling of stagnation. I never could do anything at home. Studying was always done away, so was reading.. Perhaps the only thing I do well at home is blog. I guess the aversion is very much psychological. I feel vexed whenever there's anyone home other than me. I prefer to be alone and doing my own things. That seems to be a recent development, actually, but I am starting to treasure my moments of solitude. I am looking forward to staying in PGP and staring at the ceiling fan! Hahas..

Somehow the more I learn of myself, the less I understand of me. Hm.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I am a Rock



Mr Tan Yew Meng played this for Literature Class in Secondary School, and it's sort of wedged in my memory over the years.

I was just lamemting to Cheeks on Monday about how songs used to mean things in the past, while all the songs now are just meant to get stuck in our heads. Think "poke poke poke poker face poke poke poke poker face" or Love Lockdown. Do we even know what the songs are writing about? Do we even care?

It didn't use to be like that. People used to write about the society, about personal pains, about love. Think Hey Jude, or even this song.

Songwriters still write about such things of course, but somehow they are just not getting through as much as frivolous songs like -fill in the blank-.

Makes me wonder what mindless creatures we are becoming.

Just dance.

As much as I desire to assimilate into this new phase of my life of clubbing and being too cool, drinking and making merry, I somehow just cannot will myself into such.

Before I ever stepped into a club, I thought that there must be something great about it for everyone to be so addicted to it. When I did get my chance at BDCV, it didn't turn out to be quite the intense fun I expected. Subsequent visits were the same. I mean. What is the fun of getting yourself drunk and dancing till your back aches? I guess I am just not of the body type that gets super high when alcohol hits my bloodstream..

For me, the best feeling in the world is to laze in a kayak. Or to sit in an air-conditioned room reading a book, listening to soft piano music. Or even just eating ice-cream with friends at Island Creamery (I don't really like Ben and Jerry's cos it's too thick).

I guess that makes me a 宅男! Hahas..

The point is.. I've got to be truer to myself. Yes? That's what makes people like Alicia or Jun Yuan so remarkable. They are just so.. themselves all the time. Knowing exactly who you are and what you want is such a precious gift. I wish I had it too. I wish I knew I wanted to be a doctor when I was in primary school because half my family are doctors, or that I wanted to be a nurse so that I can care for others, or that I wanted to be a fashion designer because of magazines I read as a child. But God has other plans for me..

I'm just so damn lost...

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Scourge.

The past few days were spent at NUS Sports Camp 2009. Where we had lotsa fun cable skiing, windsurfing, basically trying out at ton of sports. The people were not half as fun as the Biz Camp people though. Somehow everyone is quite glued to their own friends and not that outgoing. We didn't cheer half as much too, probably because most of the time was spent rushing from activity to activity.

At the end of the camp though (albeit an untimely end), I feel like we bonded slightly more. Most people climbed out of their holes to mingle. Including me. Hahas. So it was fun, I conclude. It's quite difficult to precisely describe the whole camp, but suffice to say that I more or less enjoyed it. =)

The very sad thing is it had to end because some people kena-ed H1N1 on the fourth day. And just yesterday, I heard news that more people were getting feverish including some of our councillors of So Zai (take care hor!)

So very very sadly, I have decided to really quarantine myself so that I don't get the look when people realise that I have been to sports camp and is walking around. No sense of civil-mindedness! Now I know how the SARS infected people felt when they wrote all those stuff on the forums about marginalisation and discrimination. Bleh!

Oh wells. see you guys in 6 days!
 
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