Saturday, March 24, 2007

Fuel for the Long Haul.

It was hectic the past 2 days ...

:: Lunch with Pamela. (22/3)

Well, we initially planned lunch at Newton Circus. I didn't know that it is barely open for lunch. I should have known! I only ever go there at night.

So anyway, we went all the way there, only to realise that it's closed, mostly. So we made our way to Novena Square.

Wah.. it was the first time I went to Velocity. Pretty boring really.. Feels really small and dead. I guess the crowd just haven't gotten in there yet. But imagine a shopping mall with only sports shops. Pretty boring ain't it?

We spent some time walking around, with Pamela telling me mostly about her newly born cousin. Hahas.. Somehow Pamela always has a way of making me feel un-awkward. No silences. =)

We eventually found this Korean restaurant at Square 2 and decided to eat there. OMG. The food there is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! We were actually waiting for something bad to enter our palate, but nothing was bad! A set meal only costs about $8 - $10, and they give you free appetisers such as kimchi, preserved vegetables, pumpkin porridge, etc. And they all taste great. This coming from a guy who does NOT like kimchi! Man!

You can find this shop at the Korean floor of Square 2. If I'm not wrong, it's the 3rd floor. Drop me an email to tell me that you found it delicious okae? (Okae, I'm imagining I have a Xiaxue/Mr Brown/Mr Miyagi/any-other-famous-blogger sized reading crowd here)


We later on went to visit Kayne at Thompson Medical Centre. HE IS SO CUTE! But I felt quite awkward amongst aunties and uncles I didn't really know, so I couldn't exactly gush out right there. Hahas.. And Norman and Elise are super cute too! Like hyper. I would want kids like them. So free and so energetic. Ahhhhhhhhhh!! I suddenly want kids. Hahas.

Man, I just thought of the cutest yet perhaps unromantic proposal: Will you be the mother of my children? Girls would probably cringe about now.

So anyway, I had to leave when Kayne's mum had to breastfeed him. HMM...

...

:: BBQ at Rich's. (22/3 - 23/3)

I don't particularly like BBQs. It's too much smoke and uncooked food for me. But this barbeque was nice. Nice in a homely sense of the word. We had Ivan, Rich, Tan Long, Enqing, Chow, Liansheng, WOO CHIAO (like never seen him since aeons ago!!) and Esther (Rich's sister).

I must say, Esther and Liansheng can really barbeque well. I tried and I burnt everything. Hahas..

Anyways, it was the usual stayover at Rich's house thang. We played Ivan's PS most of the time, and then we played DotA too, and Taboo! Check out Rich's blog entry for our hilarious answers to weird questions. =)

Let me give you a sample..
Rich: um, um, anal what? anal what?
Teck Heng: anal mountain high enough?
Answer: probe
It was Chow's and Tan Long's birthdays, by the way.. Strange that no big deal was made out of it. We had no cake or anything, only the big bottle of Absolut Vodka which Chow brought from his chalet and no one really drank. It's like 40% alcohol. Would YOU drink it?

Well well, we later went on to eat chicken rice for lunch at a supposedly famous stall when we got sufficiently awake.. It's not really good. Hmm.

Then DotA! again, where I got totally thrashed by Tan Long. Gee. It's super imbar with Tan Long around. Haix. Don't think I would be able to get as good as him. But hey, I'm proud of my Enchantress. Hahas..

...

:: Dinner with Jamie, Alicia and Bee (23/3)



Jamie decided to treat me to dinner to make up for all the pang-sehs, so we got Ali and Bee too. Too bad MK couldn't make it. I really wanted to see her. Hmm.

So anyway, I was quite happy to see Jamie too. But she was her usual self larh. Nothing special. A bit tired-looking though. Those black-eyes, are really black!

We met at Dhoby Ghaut, and took an eternity deciding on what to eat. Ended up watching a bouldering competition outside. I totally feel like learning rock climbing now! If only I were not enslaved to our great nation. Oh well, I'm not complaining. Just pondering about the possibilities if life were different.

Anyways, after the girls had enough boy-ogling time, we went on to Sakae for a party set. It's amazing how that little about of sushi can satisfy me everytime.. But this Sakae was really quite bad. Their sushi fell off before it reached the mouth. It would just disintegrate by the time it lands on the shoyu and wasabe. Irks!

It was nice catching up with the girls though.. Look at some of the pictures we took! =) Jamie wants to go to Australia for further education, and Bee and Ali were basically discussing how to spell ophthalmology. I was bored enough for a while to remember that I was going to SISPEC, bringing a tinge of sadness to my eyes. I didn't know that bothered me until then. Hmm.

THANKS JAMIE FOR TREATING ME TO DINNER!

After dinner we basically walked around PS aimlessly looking at little trinkets and stuff. There was this shop called Made With Love that really caught my eye. I actually saw it a couple of months ago, but forgot about it. Man, I wish I could do all those scrappings too without coming off as being too gay. They are really pretty you know.. I'm amazed at the sheer number of scrappings and creative photo albums they have made.

If you ever go to Plaza Singapura, you MUST go there. It's on level 3.

We later went on to the gratuitous deed of eating 50c ice-cream on my treat. Ahh.. So heartwarming. Hahas.. Well, at least until I had to rush off for Mr Bean's Holiday!

...

:: Mr Bean's Holiday (23/3)

Tan Long decided to have some section/clique movie thing, so we went watching Mr Bean without knowing that his section mates would be there. HMMM..

The movie was really funny and whimsical, I would say. But Ivan didn't seem to like it. I can see why.. It was a little forced, I guess, and it left us with nothing much, except that we watched a Mr Bean movie. But hey, some of the scenes were really good.. Like when Mr Bean was miming a song, and when the video was playing at the end..

They filmed the whole scene in France on purpose so that Bean would not talk, I think. True to the Bean spirit, he did lotsa crazy things. Hahas.. Go watch it. But on DVD.

3 Stars!

Well.. That ends my very hectic 2 days.. WAH. Finally. Okae.. I have to faster post. My battery running low le. Till next time! Auf Wiedersehen!

Back to Green.

I got into SISPEC.

For those uninitiated to army-speak, it stands for School of Infantry SPECialists. It's a command school, meaning I would have people under me eventually.. And it's just one step under officers.

It's disappointing not because I couldn't get into OCS (okae, I'm lying. Partially because I couldn't get into OCS) but because the rest of my friends are there. Like Tan Long, Rich and Enqing got into OCS. I feel so loseristic as always.

But that's okae. I'm still going to do my best there. Wish me luck!

It's a strange feeling, really. I was just beginning to feel like a civilian again after these 11 days, and suddenly I realise I have to go back to the army. I don't want to leave my friends behind! They would all disappear soon..

Jamie is going overseas, the clique is separating to different (very busy) command schools. Man, who knows what would happen in the future?

It feels great to be a civilian, I tell you.. The feeling of having nothing physical to do, when you can play the piano when you feel like, go out with friends, watch movies, play the PS, go to bars, shop around.. That rocks. I'm going to miss this time.

Maybe I should stop whining. God will make everything work out for my good, I guess. Yeah..

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I AM FREAKING PEEVED.

If I have enough money in the future, I would definitely move out.

Man, I am supposed to be out now. I am supposed to be on my way to Zouk. Argh.

Why am I still at home? Because my brother decided that taking a taxi to see my grandmother at the hospital was too extravagant. And my mum (as usual) thinks I should stay at home. What do you want me to stay at home for? Do I add to the ambience? Does it amuse you for me to stay at home?

Damn. It's times like this when I think that maybe army is better. At least I wouldn't be at home doing nothing. I hate doing nothing. I can't stand this place. There is no reason in this place. Every argument is flawed, and someone wins it because he is older. Ha.

Crap lah. Fluffing cheesebuns!!!! Argh. I feel like punching someone right now. Give me something to punch!!!!!!

Looks like it doesn't pay to want to get to the hospital earlier. Next time I would just go when no one else is there. Fluff!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

虚惊

My uncle just scared me by typing a message in CAPS about my grandma shifting hospital to AMK.

I know about it already, but it's heart-stopping to get an sms with the word GRANDMA as the first word in capital letters. Gosh. My heart literally skipped a beat.

Thank God nothing is the matter.

Oh happy day! PHOTO EDITION

Photographs are in order as I promised! (Did I promise them? Aiyah, just assume I did larh!)

Special mention to the photographer Rich. I koped all the photos from his blog. Hahas.. Makes me think I should really get my own camera soon ...



The story starts with Dezhi, Teck Heng and Rich going to Siloso Beach..
Oh we look so happy! Hahas



Rich pulling me in to camwhore with him. Hmm. Not I want okae!



Attempts to look nonchalant on Teckie's part. I was just cut out. HM! =(



My my, Rich is taller than 3m!!! Hahas.. he must be jumping for joy cos of that.



Teckie trying to change with an ang moh passing, apparently to "explore the far reaches of the British Empire", according to Rich. Oh hello, my dear native! I see you are swapping your loincloth for something of civilisation!



Teckie still changing.. Lalala



And we left footprints in the sand. That's mine at the top, Rich's at the left side, and Teckie's six-toed foot on the right. Hahas.. Teck is a freak!



Under my suggestion, Rich took this photo. Hmm.. It doesn't have the right accents and contrast to pull off the distant look though..



Oh this one I LOVE! The sun paints a perfect picture with the couple picnicking. How absolutely gorgeous. It's times like this when I think "I should get myself a girlfriend!". How frivolous, I know.




After walking the entire length of the beach, I got reeaaallllyy tired. Hahas. As you can see, Rich still had the energy to pull off a Xiaxue tongue look.



Now, this is us having dinner at Sakae @ Sentosa. Hahas.. why is it upside down? Cos Rich's camera was upside down. Duh!!



The beautiful new musical fountain called the Song of the Sea. Wah.. Really. Looks like the Aurora Borealis. Again, girlfriend thoughts arise. I must be a hopeless romantic (i.e to say, desperate)



Harry's Bar! And that's Rich on the right, if you can spot him.. Wonderful place. Go there!

What Rich says is true really. It feels great to have guy (non-gay) friends. Hahas.. We can just play all we want and waste our lives away. Now, how often do YOU get to do that? =P

愛している?

For all my grumbling that I don't have a girlfriend, or I don't have someone to crush on, I find myself glad that I don't have relationship problems. It's either a boon or a boo I guess.

Reading Rich's and Shuying's blog, I find being in a relationship (or trying to be in a relationship and eventually leading into a ménage à trois - albeit not married and all), very confounding indeed. You basically lose reason as your heart takes over the operations. Exciting, truthfully, but hurtful as time passes. Maybe it's not my cup of coffee.

Once upon a time I thought if two managed to get together, everything would be alright. Because everything wouldn't really matter. So far Shuying's story doesn't seem that way. She's always bogged down with her own baggage. Jas and Jun Xiong's story has also taught me that even the most ideal relationship can break down to pieces unmendable.

Question is, of course, would you rather have a whole heart untouched and cold, or a heart in pieces which once beat with the fervour which justifies its breaking?

Here's a song dedication to Rich! I like this song quite a lot. Hm. Musically I guess..

Eve, The Apple Of My Eye
Bell X1

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back again at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Why can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim


In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But Eve is the apple of my eye

enlarged balls?

Take a look at AussieBum's loading animation! It looks really lewd. Kinda fun actually. Hahas..

Oh happy day!

I return home surprisingly happy. It's been a few days since I've been feeling this happy!

Went out for gymswim with Rich, Teckie and Chow this morning, and we eventually went to Vivo cos Rich's classmates wanted to go Sentosa and we decided to crash.

Wah.. His classmates are totally out of my league. I just have a problem with people with thick accents. Like. Not Singaporean enough for me. I know, personal bias! But I can tell they are good people. It's just I who is the anti-social b***h.

Anyways, his friends, Aysuria and Victor had to leave, so it was left with Rich, Teck and I to walk around.. (Zhaoyu had to leave for church stuff) Erm.. we basically went around looking for sunglasses for Teck's friend, and a weighing scale for my sister as birthday presents. Hmm..

I wonder what we were doing in between though.. we seem to have spent quite a lot of time. Hahas. Oh! I was looking for khaki bermudas. There was this shop called Island something which had really nice clothes. Too bad they cost a bomb! Like. $105 for bermudas. Man! Do they think army boys are rich? Fine, they probably don't target poor dudes like us.

We went for Ben & Jerry's later on then, and Rich treated us to a Merlionster! Wow. It was orgasmic. The brownies with ice-cream was great. I liked that they added bananas too. Although I really am not a fan of their ice-cream. Too thick and sore throat causing for me. Erghs. Island Creamery is much better. Less taxing on my oesophagus.

It was at B&J where I got a call from SMU to tell me that I got through for Law! Supposed to get an interview somewhere near the end of March. Hope my new unit lets me get off to go man.. THEY HAVE TO!!!!! Law law law! I really hope I get into NUS Law too. Law law LAW!!!

Okae, back to the day. We eventually made our way to Sentosa after walking to Harbourfront Centre and then back to Vivo. The monorail is amazingly hard to find. Grr. We went there on a whim, really. It was already too late for a good tan, and everyone who was supposed to go left, like I said earlier..

We went anyway. Using the new monorail! It's quite cool really.. They now have cards for entry into Sentosa. It's only $3, and the pass works like an EZlink card. Tap and enter. Easy peasy.

The train had interesting handlebars which rose from the ground instead of a rod which goes right through the whole train vertically like typical MRTs. The seats are bright yellow and look more uncomfortable than they really are. The view.. well, wasn't really nice, unless you are into oil tankers. But the short stretch of water dividing Sentosa and mainland Singapore is pretty pleasing though.. A peaceful green and blue. Ahh.. Serenity.

We went to Siloso Beach. It was beautiful. The sun was setting, and the water was lapping in slowly. I kept thinking to myself, "if only a girl was with me right now!" It's unfortunate that I have no girlfriend to share such moments though.

ANYWAYS! We spent some time taking photos, walking in the sand, etc. Basically we walked from one end of Siloso to the other end. And we saw the nicest sandcastle (more like sand compound) ever! Apparently some company having a function there had it made. Hmm.

When we were all really tired of walking and all, we took the tram to Cafe Del Mar, thinking it would be a sight to behold, and it would be really cool since there was so much hype about it. Guess what? It was a bloody container. It looks as permanent as whyteboard marker ink in rain. All white, neon lights on the inside. It gave us a "don't come in, I am not a nice place to be" feel. And so we left.

We decided to settle our dinner at Sakae. Got a party set. Quite delicious really. Exorbitant portions. I was full before I finished. I was quite surprised, really.. I never expected myself to get full on sushi without eating their buffet lunch.

There was of course the mandatory chit-chat, where I started talking about my feeling like I haven't really held a real conversation with anyone since ______g and ____n. People change all the time, I guess.. Nothing we can do to stop them. It all got slightly depressing.. But at the same time, I felt it was heartwarming. We hardly get to talk like that anymore. Recently it has always been about army, and things and other things. Never really about thoughts. So that was great. Wonderful!

Then came more shopping at Vivo. Logically we made our way back to Vivo (duh!) Teck got kind of stressed looking for white sunglasses for Cher (his friend). I found it weird that he actually called her to ask exactly what she wants. I guess it makes sense that then she would definitely like her present, but what about the element of surprise and pleasure at getting something you didn't know you would get and YET still like? I prefer getting people things without them knowing what it's going to be.

We were also looking out for caps too, because Teck came to the conclusion that he looks good in caps. Or maybe he looks ugly without. Or maybe he just likes the idea of a cap. The sad thing is that he didn't get a cap. I did. And man, do I love my cap!! Muahahahas.. When I laid my eyes on it, it was like WHAM! BAM! ALAKAZAM! I knew I had to buy it. Even IF I don't look nice in it. But I think I do.. I do!!

Harry's Bar was next. Randolph rocked. He was the one-man-band playing guitar there. Somehow his guitar allows him to loop his music and the beating of the guitar to come up with some really beautiful music. He sang With Or Without You by U2. His voice was thick and baritone with a relaxed feel to it. It was great.

Then there were the people playing pool. I am convinced that I would need years of training before I can play pool in a bar. They are like. Inhuman. Superb. Their cue ball freaking spins! Disgusting!!

The drinks were great too.. My favourite was my second drink, Pina Colada. Hahas.. both Rich and Teck warned me against it because they said it was going to be a bad combination, but it turned out great. Even they had to admit that it was good. *beams!* I liked Teck's kahlua with cream too. Sweet and rich texture. My third would be the passion fruit margarita. Sweet! The ice was quite refreshing too.. Much better than the screwdriver I had in EskiBar. I'm never going to Eski again! Feel like going to Harry's in Esplanade though... I've got a feeling it would be great.

Oh, they had killer nachos too. OM!! The cottage cheese and the salsa was wonderful. And their beef is tastes better than that in Carl's Jr Chilli Cheese Fries. Simply delicious man.

Harry's impresses me totally. Like 4.99 stars. I want to try Hard Rock Cafe next. I heard they have huge burgers. Hahas.. But that's another story for another day. Right now, I have to sleep.

Goodnight people..

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Pride.

If only you saw the look on Uncle Simon's face this morning. It was golden. It was pride. The warm feeling of seeing your son accomplish something. Chee Kit was executing some very nice drum rolls during worship. Wonderful for a newbie. Truly amazing.

Perhaps the reason why the 3 of us turned out to be such defeatists is probably because our parents never did show such pride in us before. At least not to us. It was always, "Why didn't you get better?" or "Did so-and-so do better?". That's why there was a general trend of us 3 slipping in grades in secondary school.

Sometimes I think why I am so low on self-esteem, and I can't help but wonder if things would be different if my parents gave more affirmation to my deeds. Like if they supported me more in the things I did, like drama or piano. Maybe everything would have been different. I would have turned out to be a fuller person because I would want to fulfill the expectations of parents.

I don't blame them though. It was a different generation back then. People were not as articulate about their feelings then as compared to modern times. Parents hit children to show concern. Parents left kids alone because they had so many children to begin with. I understand how these things can be carried forward to us when they raised us..

But. Could things have been different?

Looking at some people I know, they emanate confidence like some spring. I have to act it. Slowly I am gaining some self-assurance and affirmation on my strong points, like being a people person or being able to speak well, being able to write, etc. Slowly I sense myself feeling better about myself. Yet there is always this self-consciousness which keeps me from putting my whole self out there for people to decimate.

And the fact that I think that people will decimate me. How come other people are forever half full while I struggle with half emptiness?

I can only thank God that these things are improving for me, and I know I will eventually walk out of such emotional baggages. Until then, there's CCC to help me realise my potential and really give me a space whereby I am not looked down upon (real or imaginary) and where people are so kind and real and supportive. Never before have I experienced this before CCC.

Speaking of which, I was thinking of starting a new blog on top of this to chart my spiritual journey, so that things would not be so convoluted here.. That's still in preliminary stages though.. I don't really know if I want to do that and risk sounding like a schizophrenic with two stories in two blogs.

What do you think?

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Hospital Visit III

I don't know how many more times I can go to TTSH without tearing.

It's not that I go there feeling all sad and emotional. It's just small little moments when I see how frail she has become and how old age and sickness can rob you of dignity.

She couldn't even choose not to eat because everyone was stuffing food at her. True, she needs food, and it's not good for her not to eat anything. I still didn't like the way they force-fed her though.. I thought right at that moment, "God, please don't let me die old."

The consolation is that she is out of any danger. What remains of the blood clot is the incoherence when she talks and some inability to express what she is trying to say. She would talk to my mother in Cantonese and then suddenly launch into some odd language which sounds Canto, but doesn't mean anything. She knows that she cannot remember things and that she has a problem with talking though.. She said it, ironically.. But that's a good thing. At least her reason is still intact.

We have to move her to Ang Mo Kio Hospital soon.. Tan Tock Seng is too packed and they asked that we move so that she could get her rehabilitation done. Echoing my auntie, I really hope that the clot didn't do much damage to her brain, and after rehab, she can return to normal.

I prayed for her again today. For full recovery. I was scared that she would be taken away... I don't know.. Is death better than a frustrating life of impediments?

Oh well, I should not think about such things.. On other matters, someone new shifted into the ward. A nice auntie who was amazingly multilingual and chatty. She was talking to her friends on her 3G phone via video, and I was like "wow!". I never knew aunties were that savvy nowadays. Singapore really is getting 3G!

Another old lady wasn't so nice to her maid. She hit her when she tried to put on her hearing aid. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Haix. It's not easy being a domestic helper.

Okae, that's enough for today. Tomorrow!

Geriatric is me.

I must be a greying net-user. Or blogger, to be more precise.

Notice how I almost never put photos up anymore?

And I haven't updated my friendster in more than a year. The most activity I have on it is just approving pending friend requests.

What happened to my life?!

My flickr is quite dead, and so is my tagboard, with only Shu Juan's occasional shouts. Hahas..

Maybe it's time to get out there and start living instead of playing DotA and watching movies all the time. There has got to be more than this! I should start reading more so that I have more interesting things to write about. Hm.

-

In a stroke of coincidence, I am currently watching GREY's Anatomy (lame!). Wah.. Never realised the wonders of internet until I went to this site which my buddy Daniel introduced. It allows you to watch all the seasons of hot drama series like Heroes, Desperate Housewives, etc!! I just hope it doesn't get too popular, or they'd have to pull it off. But since I love you guys, and since there should be an incentive to read my blog (muahahhahas), here's the link.

Surprisingly it doesn't take a long time to load. And it's totally free!

-

Well, I should be getting back to Meredith. I'm really bored, aren't I?

Gym, KBox and many things.

I woke up to a journey down to Tampines for gymming with the clique. It's been a long time since I stepped into a gym. Not since enlistment, in fact. It feels nice to work out my muscles after so long. Can't lift as much, but at least I'm doing something about it..

As usual, everyone was late. In the end only Rich, Zhaoyu and I gymmed because the rest desisted. Hmm.. This is probably the first time I am talking about gymming. I must be too bored or too tired. Hahas..

Well, there's nothing much really.. Just worked on abs and arms and quads. It's very exasperating how I can do so many sit-ups, how I work like crazy over my abs, and they still look like shit. Haix. What to do? My genes are fluffed up. :(

Fast forward to lunch! We had a nice meal at Changing Appetites in Marina Square.. Their Chicken Curry Rice is really quite good. I expected the small portions I would get from Swensons or some other restaurant, but it turned out to be quite sizeable and filling.

It was especially great because Enqing paid for my meal! Hoho! That's cos he owed me a treat for standing in for him for the BB March camp hike. Massive savings! I actually felt quite guilty about it and so paid for the money needed to make the set a meal with a soup and a drink.

After getting all our pubescent (haha!) stomachs filled, we went for KBox!! It's been a long time man.. As usual, we have hit-the-ceiling chow, rapping Ivan, silent Enqing, hyper Tan Long, cool-as-glass-blasting Rich and only-can-sing-jay-chou me. Hahas.. It was fun larh. Lasted a little too short for my taste though.. The last time we went, we had all the way till 6am. This time, it was only 2-6 pm. A short 4 hours!! Not enough. Oh wells, like what my secondary school teacher Mr Wong loved to say, "Time flies when we are having fun".

The day more or less ended with dinner at Billy Bombers and LAN-ing at Paradiz. Bombers was good too. I can see why there has been much murmurs of its standard. The lamb shanks I had hardly stank, and their sauce was just enough to cover any stench without being too strong and overpowering. The burgers tasted quite nice too, with the patty being tender. It's not a place I would visit often though.. I think it's not somewhere which one would desire to go back again and again unlike Miss Clarity. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, just unspecial.

DotA was boring. We only played half and half a game, and then the LAN shop had a power failure, forcing our butts up to another affliated LAN shop on level 2. Tan Long ended up hosting all other maps like Hero Siege and Tower Defence.. Argh. It's not that I'm not open to new games, but some of their AIs and gameplays are just not there in terms of standard. It was painfully boring to play. Haix. But since all the rest were playing, there was no choice but to follow suit.

And that ends my day. At least it's another day gone!

Forecast for tomorrow would be swimming and then Youth Group in the evening. Ahh!! 9 more days to next camp!! I want it to come soon, and yet I don't want it to ever arrive. I want to ORD!!! Get me to uni where all the girls are! Hahas..

Did I say this already? I feel weird with no one to crush on. I know it's irresponsible of me to say this, but at every point of my life, I had always somehow been afflicted with relationship torment. Now that I am free of that, I feel.. empty? Where's the heart-pounding and the angst? I am afraid that I might have become immune to such things, like a scab forming after a cut, blocking out everything. That's why, to all those in relationships now, cherish it. You have something beautiful in your hands.

What can I do with this void? I guess I can only wait for the days to pass and for God to ease it off me. Meanwhile, I hope you'll never fade away..

Ask me out to shop around or just hang out if you have nothing to do too yeah?

iRack

I am finally posting a video again!

This one is supremely funny with satirical jabs at the Iraq war. You'd see why..



YouTube video link

Thursday, March 15, 2007

我好累却不想睡着。深怕明天会跟今天一样的空虚,一样的无聊。

很想莫人,但是我知道她不会在想我。真是傻!明知道不应该想得太多令自己难过,但又无法自拔。也许快乐是奢侈的吧!

明天将如同今日,凭什么不同?我也只能默默地接受。盼望不再奢望的一天到来 ...

I Think I.

There is so much to say; I don't know where to start.

I am not happy. Why exactly eludes me.

I haven't written a good piece of article for a long time now. I feel inadequate. It's as if I have been writing about the same things over and over again, and that's all there is to me.

I am not thinking. Should I not concern myself with the beheadings in Thailand or the Olympics and presidential elections next year? What am I doing with my life? I am purposeless. I am alone more than I am purposeless.

-

I went visiting my grandmother again today. She is getting better. She talks now, and she looks me in the eye. According to my uncle, she recognised him and my brother in the afternoon; she called my auntie her sister when I went there today.

"I know, I know," and "Go home early" is all she said to me. I don't think she recognised me. It is painful to see her like that. All I can hope for is her fast recovery after transferring to Ang Mo Kio hospital.

She's my favourite grandparent. I remember when I was young, she used to tug us into sleep, and she would talk to my grandfather in Hainanese until we slept. My grandfather would bring us out to buy toys or little things we took fancy on, and my grandmother would always stay at home doing the housework, getting us to eat all the food which never seems to run out. The funny thing is that she doesn't do the cooking. Hahas..

Our relationship started to get worse as I grew up. Never in a bad sense, but in a more distant sense. We moved back home, and went to my grandparents' place less. I guess I seldom took the effort to go down regularly either.. Things just changed after my grandfather died.. The life in the place was sucked away by his death.

-

The block leave which the SAF gives seems to be too much. I have nothing to do without an RO telling me what to do. I hope the next ten days would not be like today: Rotting away at home after helping out BB in their hike.

The weird model guy actually called me to go for some gig tomorrow night. But I turned him down. I think he was quite pissed off with me. Not that I care. I shall put myself at the beck and call of anyone.

But wow. I never expected that he would really call. He must be desperate. lol.

-

I stand at the edge of a cliff and scream. No one ever hears. Even if someone does, what can she do? My life is mine to bear. Tired; hoarse. I stop screaming. The silence is comforting. Just let me hold on to this solace forever. Shhh...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Déjà vu

I took a cab straight to TTSH from Singapore Discovery Centre right after our National Education trip.

Somehow TTSH always gives me a sense of dread. Both my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother died in Tan Tock Seng. Somehow they don't give much attention to saving old lives. I guess medicine is more economics than healing.

This time round, it's my paternal grandmother in there.

She fell down in the toilet some time back, and we all thought she was okae. In fact, she was perfectly alright except for a big bruise on her left hand when I saw her last week.

Then I got the message a couple of days back that she was hospitalised.

Apparently there was a blood clot in her brain. (didn't female leads always die like that? At least my primary school teacher died from that...) The clot is applying pressure on her brain causing her to lose memory.

They only found out when some relative realised that she couldn't recognise her.

When I got to TTSH today, she couldn't even speak. She stared straight at me with a dazed look then turned away. And then she repeated the same action. Did she actually see me? I hope I will be able to find out from her when she recovers...

The ward she was in was frighteningly similar to the one my other grandmother was in. Same class, same position when I came up from the lift. Also right in front of the nursing counter. I can only hope that the outcome would not be the same.

Anyway, I prayed for her full recovery there.. God will come through for her. It's also quite interesting that I saw "With God all things are possible" as I passed by a school in the taxi today. Maybe He is telling me something.

Man, seriously, I'm not prepared for someone else to die just yet. So please don't..

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Results Aftermath.

I'm actually quite surprised that Ma didn't say anything negative about my results.

There can only be two explanations.
1. She didn't expect much of me,
2. She was content that I could get into university and that my results were okay.

Well, I realised just this morning that I am actually very content with my results. I could have done better if I prepared better, but this results is more than I can ask for. Thank God!

Angeline was preaching today on giving glory to God and overcoming pride. I think I really understood what she was trying to get through to us because of the results. It's really God that's made it happen, not me or anything else.

I could ask God why not 4As, why not better results, but I have come to know that God made it as such that I am satisfied, and I cannot boast. Quite amazing really. Hahas..

On other fronts, I'm busy with scholarship applications. Or rather busy with trying to make applications. It's irritating to fill in all those CCA things over and over again. Don't think I have enough time for BrightSparks before book-in. I guess I would have to do this next book-out.. Companies wait for me!!

I'm starting to feel like I need to talk to people more too. Starting to get that familiar stuffy feeling. Air air! Hmm.. Haix. This is the problem when you no longer have a crush. The magic seems sucked out of the world with nothing to occupy me. Gee.. That sounds really irresponsible. Hm.

Oh well.. Time to go back to Tekong and to wait for each day to pass. Man, Solomon was right. Everything IS meaningless. Give me something to do!!!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Pursuit of Busyness

I got Amathematics Bphysics Bchemistry Deconomics A1generalpaper !

Okae, that was just for those who wanted to know.

Hmm.. I am okae with the results but I know I could have done much better, especially with Economics. I want 4As!! Hahas.. But I can't complain about my results ba. Hehs..

Well, after being out for the whole day yesterday, I now have loads of things on my hands to do! I just registered for SAT I and submitted my application to SMU. Now I have to sift through all those scholarships and rush to apply for them, hoping that they would accept an ABB student. Hmm..

Is a student only as good as his results? Why does it have to be the determining factor when being asked for interviews? Grrr..

Okae, I should get down and dirty with my BrightSparks bag. Later!
 
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