Sunday, June 29, 2008

It must be difficult reading my whining about the arduous nature of my work. It is something that I'd rather not do, yet there can be no relief from the sad sad stress that I face. A shopping spree didn't help, glorious PS3 games didn't help. I don't really know what will. I need to ORD soon before it all overflows and consumes me.

I have been thinking lately of the future that lies ahead of me. A part of me fears that what I'm going to do for the rest of my life would be to work and work, imprisoned behind a computer. That's perhaps also why I keep getting pictures of some vehicle running me down whenever I cross a road. It seems like a suitable way to avoid painful living where dire dreams are not fulfilled.

I am not depressed or suicidal though, just a tad bit morbid these days. I miss the carefree days where I didn't have to worry much about what the next day brings. Now I dream of work and worry about it in weekends. It's not a good life. Yet who will be able to really understand what I speak of? The sad fact is that the problem is my own to solve - and that it is unsolvable by wit, only by time.

I wish things were brighter. How did everything become so awry in my mind's eye? When did life lose its splendour and food its taste? The weight is too great. I pray I won't collapse.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

最近因为工作量很大的关系总是觉得很烦恼。就算是周末也觉得很无趣、很无聊。也因为生活的乏味,开始胡思乱想。

我好累啊!做不完的工真的是很令人难受,属下又没有想像中地能够体谅我的情况。如果兵役是一个能辞掉的工,我早就不干了。

其实不是真的那么坏,但是有时后好想能对某个人发发牢骚,诉诉苦。神啊!饶了我吧……

Saturday, June 21, 2008

*

God it's true. I am stupid and emo.

I spent the whole of my taxi trip thinking about *. I guess I am partially just bored stiff with nothing else going on in my life except for my work. And my driving. And my piano lessons. And church. And. Yeah. That's actually all.

I must stop thinking about *. (Hah! I patent * as mine!!) It has become a sort of habit I can't really quit. But I know it just takes time. And time is what I have against *. Busyness and stress will make me forget!

All this *ring (pronounced as starring) is getting quite fun. Hahas. **** **** *******. LOL!

the blog roll problem.

I am quite pissed off that the new "blog roll" function cannot work for my Mac. Is it because I am using a Mac, or because I am using an OSX that is not even the minimum requirement anymore? But it's not supposed to affect what! It must be Blogger who are not doing their scripting properly.

HEY BLOGGER! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, CAN YOU TELL ME WHY BLOG ROLL IS NOT WORKING FOR ME?! I CAN'T ADD BLOGS TO THE LIST!!

you are so fat, that when you jump for joy, you got stuck!

I have been getting repeated comments that I am becoming FAT. Urgh. First it was CSM, then G4, then CCO, then Amy then DYG1 then MAJ Tong, and now Tan Long today!! OMG.

I don't want to become Mr Potato Head! I must do something to change this man. (Like start training for the StanChart Marathon!) It just seems though, that the more I train, the fatter I get. Is it just a coincidence? Or is it just some excuse I came up with to not run? Hmm. I really really need the Nike Sportband to help me!

Someone get it for me =)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I am considering telling the guys the truth about RQ's condition. It seems like everyone else knows about it, and its not very fair to them to not know. Yet. What will they do? I'm not confident they will not spread it or say insensitive things.

Man, if only my men were a sensitive and considerate lot.

Monday, June 16, 2008

_ ______ ____ ___

I wish I were some talented litty person who could immediately launch into an archaic poem to hide what I want to say under. But what I want to say, many have said before, and I afraid it would be all too transparent.

Down in the little paved streets
Under the dim lamps
You stand, a shadow cast upon earth.
Are you watching or waiting?

And the time keeper patrols, keeping me
Here in a lost memory
I am entombed, yet enthralled
Am I ever going to be freed from the prison of my making?

Two runners running on skew lines
Different paths that would be destined to never meet again
Worlds apart.

Two lands linked by a chasm
Different thoughts will never reconcile.
Hearts that yet murmur rumours of the other.

God. It's been a long time since I tried this. It's HARD! I am gonna stop here. Anyway, it doesn't really makes much sense to me. Hahas.. I just want to say _ ____ ___. Hahas. I'm feeling the satisfaction of doing a Rich.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Truthfully, I am feeling quite emo now. Yet emo is not something I bring out to the table to talk about anymore. I have long learnt how to deal with it: to suppress it. For those who want to know more about it, I find nigahiga quite informational (more funny actually).

Let's not talk about it though...

nyKRT team tee.

I have the feeling of pregnancy. The feeling of delight when one sees the product of his creative energy. Ahhh~


The Kayak Racing Team tee is out! I only designed the back. The front is totally the effort of our dear Audrey. But would you look at that?! I've had this design for 3 years and finally it's out in print!! And everyone on the team would wear it. I feel for the first time, proud!

The 952nd Saturday of My Life.

It is oddly comforting for me to have so much time on my hands on this very Saturday unlike many of my other Saturdays. I would have thought it disconcerting to stay at home for the most part of the day, tempted by my beautiful Mac; or having to listen to the petty little quarrels that my family is so fond of. The true story, however, was quite unexpected.

I was not at home all day bien sur! I was out first thing in the morning for my piano lessons. I was not much good, as usual. I wonder when a wondrous gift will descend upon me, afterwhich I would require no practice to play very well indeed. Yes, I hope all the hours of my life for such a miracle to happen!

An interesting highlight of the day was probably the fact that I queued up for 4-D just for amusement in my waiting for my dear Mother and Sister. They were unfortunately quite late in meeting our appointment. You can imagine what I was forced to do at the end of the queue! I ended up buying a Quick Pick ticket. Singaporeans hate people who queue only to give up their slot, you know. They would give those dirty looks that say, "did you just stand in front of me to irritate the hell out of me by taking up space?" or "wah liao, don't buy queue what f***?"

The Singapore Pools proved to be much too efficient on this day, such that I still had to buy a set of The Straits Times to wait out for my family, who are no doubt putting on the finest cosmetics of sleeping clothes to venture out into the Market. By the time we finally got to our Brunch, the duck was very much dead, roasted and braised.

Afterwards in the afternoon, I met up with Pamela for some soup at the Soup Spoon. Calories added to my already generous belly! I must say these days are horrendous for me, what with the low security I have of my personal image. Not to mention the various disadvantages of feeling plus-sized such as backaches, bad hair, etc.

Anyways, I suspect I was a decoy for meeting someone else. Hmm..

Another keyboard lesson was in order in Hsia Pin's house in Pearl Bank where I learnt to play various songs such as Be Still and O Praise Him. Nothing very remarkable I'm afraid. My phobia of playing has not really resided. I wonder where the source is from really, but I cannot find it. Everything that is of my hand just somehow sounds bad. It seems that the world is as ill at ease with me as I am with it.

On a side note, Jonathan Strange has finally arrived in my reading. The book is promising to be quite a good read despite its imposing appearance. Do dig in if you manage to procure a copy. Or ask me nicely enough, and I would find the nearest chance to loan it to you.

With that, I should retire. Have a pleasant Saturday night. Au revoir!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Money makes the mind go materialistic.

It's PAY DAY!!! Actually more accurately, it's ONE DAY BEFORE PAY DAY!!!

I am really thinking of getting myself the Nike Plus Sportband. Ahhh.. Yes, yes, I know I said I won't buy anything from a money grabbing conglomerate like Nike.. but it's a watch. And I probably can dig a hole in my Mizuno's to fit in the sensor right? right??

I actually wanted to stay in camp today to save some money, but I forgot my darn keys. (BOOO..)
So I ended up going to Starbucks to read Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clark. It was pretty cool, really. The New York Cheesecake I had for dinner was also tasty =)

I tried buying Sara Bareilles, but apparently the Sembawang Music Centre in Northpoint is too backwater for them to stock her. (WTH?) I ended up whiling away in Popular - which really isn't as bad as it sounds. I think my lot and calling in life is really to start a bookshop cafe and stay in it all day =D. So anyways, I ended up buying a pen so that I will not buy something else. And I must say it writes really REALLY well. It flows like grease and makes my words look oh so pretty! Hahas. Himbo! The downside is of course, it looks like brown things you pass out of your body (choose shit or bogey). Look:
Unappetising!

I so want to get a FOUNTAIN PEN! I don't really know why. I'm just obsessed with it. I saw a $20.15 one at Popular. Yet I think I probably will get some crash and totally regret when I really do get one. Get a grip man!

Okay okay. I should go bathe and sleep now. Ta ta!

Fear of Men.

It is of my opinion that one should not be caught up with the opinion of others. Quite recently, I have had the experience of dealing with the aftermath of someone who just so. He allowed the words of someone else to get to him and eat him from the inside.

How deadly the fear of man is! And how powerful the simple words that come out of our mouths are. I am so much the same. I asked a question just yesterday to fulfill my curiosity of how others thought of me. Yet I realised - how would it matter? It simply does not.

It does not matter if I am fat or thin, handsome or ugly. Even intelligent or otherwise. Simply because everyone would think something else. And I am as real as I think I am. I am only fat when I think I am. Sometimes I think Sis doesn't really think that she is fat. That is how she lives with it.

What really matters is God's opinion of us. At the end of the day, we only account to Him. Yet why don't we see that? Why do we so want to please others by being the thin and handsome guy? I guess it's all instinct?

This is really a reminder for me to do things for myself and not for pleasing others. Now, that's a hard thing to do where I work - the world of balls. I shall persist!

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Crikey. Why must Microsoft Word hang right when I was halfway into translating the sermon?! I so hate the rainbow-coloured twirling circle on my Mac now! I hate Microsoft more. Argh!!!

iPhone 2 Leaks


Can it be? Will Apple announce the iPhone 2 on Monday's WWDC keynote?! I certainly hope so! The new one seems to adopt a matte black back cover as compared to the shiny silver (think scratch prone) one we have now.

I certainly hope that the rumours of the upgrades (5 MP camera, GPS, 3G) are true because iPhone just seemed so disappointing despite all the hype that was generated. Hopefully this one lives up to everything we hope for! If, that is, it comes out at all...

Fingers crossed!

See Cult of Mac article

mahjongggg~

I have finally progressed to "The Unfinished Symphony" by Frank Schubert after being stuck on Scheherazade for weeks. Yayness! Hopefully I can progress real quick and take exams! (dream dream dream oh dreeeeam..)

There was also a small mahjong session at Tan Long's today. I think it was the first time in a long time where we decided not to get everyone because well.. it might end up like the last time where not everyone could be involved.

I know I should have did something about my hair!! I look so bad in this photograph! I kinda insisted on taking a photograph so that I can post this here. Hahas.. unfortunately every photo turned out to have something wrong with it. This, I think, is the best we can get.

So anyways, I won money!!! How unchristian of me. Hahas.. But one indulges in such occassional indulgences. It fast got tiring though. As a matter of fact, I am still suffering from a slight migraine right now even as I try to translate Pastor Angeline's sermon into Chinese. Hopefully I'd be able to do a good work of the translation tomorrow!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Thank God It's Friday!

I never used to understand why there was such a phrase as "Thank God It's Friday". Shouldn't it be "Thank God! It's Sunday."? Yet lately I have been finding myself living for the weekends. Just waiting during the week for the precious two days to come in which I will not have to go back to dear old Mandai Hill. I guess I have grown weary of fighting the paper mountain alone... RQ when are you coming back?! The truth is, it's a question no one can really answer. And as Commander of the QM Platoon, it's a truth I have to take in stride and with fortitude.

You know, work's not all bad. I know I make it sound like that here. But it simply isn't true. I have a bunch of good kids who try to do their jobs well. As a matter of fact, I visited Kelvin today at his home. He had a knee injury sustained during BMT, and he's resting at home after surgery. I tried to buy him $25 worth of things as was the entitlement, yet I couldn't find much to buy. Ended up getting durians (my treat) and a watermelon and apples. Hmm. Pretty strange things to give, if I would say so myself. Kelvin is one of the better kids. It's really quite sad that he has to have MC until July.

Anyways, I was supposed to have my off day today, but I felt quite compelled to go back in the morning to clear up my shitload of indents before the week ends. And truth be told, it feels quite good to have some things off my back! Plus the fact that I ran 9KM today. Yay! Fats be gone! And thank you toinh for the perpetual reminder of my FTT failure. And also to Chor Seng for telling him in the first place =/ I expect to really get balloons hor!

The actual highlight of the day was definitely the movie night with me family. We went to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull cos Mum had free tickets for us all.

I went straight to Great World City for the dinner buffet after visiting Kelvin. The food was well, so so. I would say that the event was pretty small as compared to what we have seen in the mess. So anyways, I should get on to the movie. Personally, I felt that having a "aliens came to Earth millenia ago to impart technology and knowledge" plot was a little cheesy. Given the fact that we have already heard this story a million times! But it was a fun action movie to watch. I especially liked the parts where Indy rolled into cars (not a few times!) to push the bad guys out of the cars. And despite what Tan Long said about Cate Blanchett having a minimal roll, I felt that she had the perfect Ukrainian accent and she acted sufficiently this time. I give the movie 4 stars!

I also saw the Nike Band on our way home. You know, if Nike wasn't a money sucking conglomerate which forces me to buy a Nike Plus shoe just so that I can use the Nike Band, I would actually have bought it. But no. You have to have a shoe just for the device. How lame is that?! I have decided to find some way to circumvent this!!! Say no to monopolisation and restriction of consumer sovereignty!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

keeping me without chains.

I wish you were still here. There are really time when I miss a decent conversation. Just having someone to call and talk about nothing much in particular. Was there such a time? Or did I actually imagine it? Sometimes I really can't tell anymore.

Thoughts have a way of getting convoluted when the brain stops working. And my brain hasn't been working for quite a while. Work work work is all I can think about, and the feelings are just not there anymore. The desire for something more in life. The hope that there is more to our living than 8 to 5 and getting enough money. The dreams of vacationing or being transplanted in a foreign country where buildings are actually really buildings! They are just not so much there anymore.

Replaced is a sense of being lost. I don't really know how to move on with life except to let it move on by itself, day by day lost into meaninglessness. I don't experience things as acutely anymore. And sometimes I wonder if it's because I lost you.

It really freaks me out to think that life for the next 80 years (yes I am going to be a centenarian) is going to be like this. Can it be? I certainly hope not.

Maybe I just miss you.

300th

I failed my Final Theory!

SAD.

I got upset enough to not want to meet Liansheng at VivoCity. And I basically slept/stoned my off day away. Haix.

gravity.

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here till the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch; you keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. Set me free, leave me be... I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity...

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

sara bareilles

I'm falling in love with Sara Bareilles! She's tall, she has long hair, and she has a cool spelling name! My kind of girl. Hahas..

I first heard her "Love Song" on radio, but only managed to find out her name from the mahjong session at Ivan's last Saturday. Then I went to look her up in YouTube. And it was wow! She is a fusion of KT Tunstall with the vocals of Sara Groves. There is also this tinge of Corrinne May. This is exactly the kind of music I love. Jazzy and yet not exactly so. Hmm.. Plus the fact that she plays the piano!

There was this particular song that really caught me up because of what it said.

I am going to go buy her CD the moment I get my next pay!
Work has been hard as usual.. I am starting to develop a tendency to procrastinate because of the things that keep piling and piling. And because I procrastinate, I feel more and more stressed because things keep piling up even more. You get the drift.

It's horrid.
 
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