Sunday, October 18, 2009


I was relieved of my Chinese ministry duties today. Truth be told, I do not know yet what to make of it. Zi Jun said that it was because she didn't want the ministry to become one of the factors in my deciding whether to stay in church or to leave.

If you ask me, I am really still asking God to show me what I should do. With what has happened, I don't believe I can personally just carry on and pretend like everything is fine and dandy. I also realise that this is God's way of showing me that I would have to test what I believe in.

All these years, I have taken what has been taught and preached as truth without really consciously filtering what I believe in and all in a matter of weeks I am suddenly thrown in a circumstance where I have to decide, or realise, what exactly I am believing in. Is Christianity all about doing good as so many understand it? Or is it all about the Holy Spirit as others have preached?

I was confronted with the fact that I do not really know as much about my beliefs as I would like to admit. A fact that I intend to change. I can really only seek God to show me the way. Even if there are costs in following Him, even if there is opposition and misunderstanding..

He is no fool
who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose - Jim Eliot

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