=/

I have been feeling quite moody these few days due to a series of events and thoughts that I have been having.

Topmost in the list would of course be my brother's decision to go PMS on all of us. You see, we wanted to buy a car for the family, and he set out looking for it and all. Then he decided that it was too much effort and got angry all of a sudden. And we all don't know why. I guess it's not meant to be eh? But I think that family is more important than any car. It just seems like no one shares my thought. I'm starting to realise that my family is quite a self-centred one. It seems like we are all living for ourselves. Haix. I never saw it like that, but increasingly it seems that way. And I don't know how to even start to be the change that I want to see. =/ Perhaps the easy way is the grow up, work up enough money and move out like my uncle did. Is that why he did that?

There's also the eternal feeling of fatigue throughout the week. I feel like work is draining so much emotional energy from me that I don't feel like doing anything during the weekends. That's part of the reason why I didn't want to go for worship prac this week too. I just want to stay at home and lie down and rest.. But it's not helping. No amount of rest seems to stop me from feeling tired. Haix.

Well, then there's also the other thing. I have come to a point where I realise the only way it could go, but something in me just refuses to recognise that fact. I wilfully cling on to hope that will not be realised. And I realised that I have changed over the 4 years, and things will never be the same again. And I have lost that feeling forever. It's just not the same anymore, and frankly, there's no use holding on to it. But I can't seem to let go. -Mega sigh!- And in the midst of this all, it feels like I am failing God. Because of this small part that I really really don't want to let go.

I know in time, everything will turn out well. I will probably loosen this grip, and everything will seem so funny in retrospect. =/