Isaiah 40:31

Right at this moment I'm thinking how strong the human spirit is. Just maybe two weeks ago I was feeling really really down because of something that happened at work, and now I feel like I have more or less recovered from it. It's not like that problem has disappeared. In fact, it's probably going to get a lot worse from now on... but I feel like I have to strength to fight whatever is going to come my way.

I don't know if it's a type of denial, an escapism from the gigantic weight that is about to fall - or have already fallen - on me. I guess I would have to wait to see if I crack to find that out.

It was through this ordeal too that I managed to test my social safety net. I must say, it wasn't much of a social net. Before you go away thinking that my friends are superficial and inconsiderate folk, let me emphasise that the failure of the net is solely my fault. I've come to realise that I'm one who would withdraw when shit happens. I like to sleep it off, cry to myself, scream silently in my heart until it goes away. Or forever stab myself if the issue never ever resolves (thinks longstanding one-sided something).

I have also come to realise that my "clan" as Pamela puts it, is actually more of a 'meet and play' sort of clique than a 'hey sista let's solve this bitch togetha' sort of clique. We never ever mentioned it, nor was there much of an event big enough for us to notice it, but hey, we all know I guess. Take the example of The Great Withdrawal of Astro back in JC days. Or even the example of how we still don't know who ______ is. Or the example of how Astro is not talking now. Maybe it's because we are not girls.

So anyways, I want to thank Jamie for calling a few times (and trying to call a lot of times) and Tan Long for picking up my call that day where I half-cried a little... and of course, Pamela, who doesn't know the story but allows me to sms like nothing is wrong. Hey, you may not know that what you did helped, but it did. So thank you. And of course, thanks God for Holy Spirit touch me. No really. Thank God because I know this peace that I have does not come from anyone else but from Him and the Holy Spirit who comforts me.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know I will face it like how a toilet bowl faces shit. I will flush it outta my system! Bring it on, asshole!