keeping me without chains.

I wish you were still here. There are really time when I miss a decent conversation. Just having someone to call and talk about nothing much in particular. Was there such a time? Or did I actually imagine it? Sometimes I really can't tell anymore.

Thoughts have a way of getting convoluted when the brain stops working. And my brain hasn't been working for quite a while. Work work work is all I can think about, and the feelings are just not there anymore. The desire for something more in life. The hope that there is more to our living than 8 to 5 and getting enough money. The dreams of vacationing or being transplanted in a foreign country where buildings are actually really buildings! They are just not so much there anymore.

Replaced is a sense of being lost. I don't really know how to move on with life except to let it move on by itself, day by day lost into meaninglessness. I don't experience things as acutely anymore. And sometimes I wonder if it's because I lost you.

It really freaks me out to think that life for the next 80 years (yes I am going to be a centenarian) is going to be like this. Can it be? I certainly hope not.

Maybe I just miss you.