walls.

JEDIT members would probably benefit from this article.

-

I've been feeling very lonely these days. It seems like something that only happens after Commissioning. During the Exercise, everything was okae because everyone was busy. I was more tired than anything else. I didn't even manage to squeeze out a nice goodbye message for Jamie who left on a jet plane.

Right now, after the Exercise, it feels... feels like I can't really talk to anyone. Or SMS anyone. I wouldn't know what to say. It's almost as if I now live in a totally different planet from everyone else. I have no one to tell what I want to say to. I'm not even totally sure what is it I exactly want to say. Sounds like I have felt this before. Hahas.

Anyways, it was the QM/CCO Branch Cohesion yesterday, and we had a great time at Downtown East swimming, barbecuing and all. Had an uber expensive lunch too. $173.30! Wah. That's cheap considering we had 14 people and that there was this meal I had with EQ and Tan Long that costed $300+ at Carnivore. But man, it burned a hole in my pocket yesterday. I'm left empty. Argh. Guess I'd better tighten my yao dai (belt)!

These guys, the storemen. It seems like they are all I've got left. Mum and Dad are primarily worried about money and what the sub-prime crisis would mean to us (Dad thinks the world, Mum thinks the family). We are not exactly a family that brings our personal problems to the table to talk about them. Friends... well. I don't know. I'm having a hard time getting through to people lately.

So as I was saying, all I've got are the storemen. Yet there are things that I cannot tell them. Because they are men, and I am an officer. I never believed in this before when 2LT Yong Chiang talked about it. Never believed in the holier than thou bullshit. But now I understand. It's true... there is a difference.

So I am actually effectively left with myself... and God. Perhaps this is God taking the initiative to get me to get to Him. Hahas. I think my walk has improved a little? I'm starting to think God more. Yet at the same time, I am aware of my little indiscretions. Compromises. What a thin line to walk! I guess I need to constantly remind myself that God is faithful even though I am faithless.

To sum it all up, actually... It's just a feeling of unease in me. A restlessness. Bleh. Can't get rid of it. Hope it gets away.