Crushing my bubble.

Today I received almost complete confirmation that I did not get the Study Award. I applied for it earlier on, hoping that I might have a chance at it. Sadly I let my expectations build up along the way as well. I guess I thought I did more than the average Bizader for the school, and that I had enough community service in my resume as compared to others. I never did think or rather, I guess I forgot, that CAP is KING.

Suddenly everything that I am doing is put into question. Why am I slogging at Rag when I know that there are next to nothing returns? Sometimes it's hard to hold on to idealism when all I see is others thriving while I suffer for being altruistic. Is it really better to play the world's game? The sad thing is that no one really understands and I seem like a stupid ass who is too rigid for my own good.

I should have listened to myself. Expectations only bring about disappointments.