thoughts.

The days are rolling by without much eventfulness. The date for the closure of this chapter of my life looms closer, and attempts to lengthen it has been coming from so many persons at work. Frankly speaking, I am very tired and jaded from work and really do not wish to continue. Yet, because of the peculiar situation we are in, I guess I could really extend my services for a while more...

For the longest time, I have been waiting for the day when all falls down because I know that this sort of workload is unsustainable.. or at least it is too much to be, yet the day of reckoning and break down never came. Honestly, I am really pretty amazed at my capacity for work. Thank God for His providence and blessings.

However, even though the fort is still being held, I am increasingly feeling the strain in my mind. I haven't been to church for 3 weeks, with this Sunday being the fourth. I haven't went out with my friends for two weeks, and I haven't really had time to think for eons. It's about time I took some time off to sleep, to just walk around, to emo, to stare into blank space, or even to go out with a random girl to feel 幸福.

The vigour I brought to my work so many months ago is all but gone, and I have become a complainsome bitch whom I hate. That is not to say that I am not working as hard, just that I have become more grudging in my belief that I should do everything to the best of my abilities. It's a difficult principle to work by and I am barely hanging on. I need someone to whine to, yet I need to be steel and stable and the pillar upon which so many rely on.

I think I have reached a conclusion: that I will not extend my service any longer. I will still go back to help, but I don't believe it is in the best interests of anyone that I stay beyond my time. Perhaps this is the only way out. I only pray that my understudy would be a hardworking and humble one who is willing to learn and empathise...

Lord, please allow me to rest.