desiderata.

Something I found in the depths of past reams of schoolwork.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful

Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, 1927

Funny how I just found this after Dad talked about the treacheries of others. And how I was just lamenting the loneliness of life in my current job.

ramblings of a deranged mind.

I am currently really bored with nothing to do on my hands. Hence, I started searching names in my blog. Some rather interesting reads turned up. This might sound rather egotistical, but I quite like the way I write. It sounds like I am talking to myself. Or maybe to some unknown person (predator -gasp!-) from the freakin' wide web.

You know, I almost wanted to publish a post about how I first really fell in love (one-sided, but still quite unforgettable) as my Valentine's Day post. It's right there in my drafts! I stopped writing it halfway because I thought it was too personal. Plus the fact that the person I liked never really liked me. I found later on that it was just some fun thing which thoughtless people do over the Net. Ouch. Hahas.

It's really rather bittersweet because of how funny the whole thing is. Man. I would say that's why I'm never an advocate of meeting people online. How would you ever know how the person really is like? If you are really lucky, you meet someone who is truthful and what you wished for. If you are not, then it's better just to treat it as something fun and leave it as that. I didn't. I've always been quite a serious kind of person... so I treated that relationship quite seriously. Obviously it ended badly lah! If I can say it ended at all, since it didn't technically start.

Thinking about it now, it's really rather funny. I still smile thinking about it. Good learning experience lah. Hahas. At least now I know more, I know exactly what I am looking for in a relationship. I know "true love" can only cover real problems for a while, but not get rid of them for good. Geez. I hope I don't end up single after so much enlightenment!

Wow. Quite amazing how an entry out of boredom developed into this eh? Now I guess I have to balance daring to make a move and protecting myself from being hurt. So drama! Hahas. Someone should totally produce a drama series about me. =P

Okae lah. I shall stop talking randomly and go find something else to do. Like play Sushi-do on Viwawa....

endex.

Finally it has ended. Funnily with clearing the rubbish from MEGA MEGA HAPPY HOUR with "seafood". Sometimes I really have to accept the fate of being a logistician. First in, last out. Tiring sometimes, sucky sometimes, but it's quite alright =)

There was something that almost made me tear just yesterday, or should I say the day before...

Kelvin was tired of CCO asking him to cover for Jason the perma-MA mess steward, and he was getting really emo about it, saying how it was not even in his job scope and all... I could understand where he was coming from. Sometimes boss doesn't really think about how the men would feel about certain things. He just keeps wanting things to be done for face's sake.

The men were discontented because they always had to cover the mess boys' arse while they went off on their long term MCs and MAs. Sometimes it's really unfair. Kind of when you work so hard, only to see your colleague come in late in the morning and take random days of off. It's demoralising. I totally understand.

What was difficult to get across to them was that the work needed to be done regardless of how we felt. Yes, it's not necessarily fair, it's not necessarily in our jobscope, but somehow someone has to step up to the plate and do the thing. That would mean us. Us. Not one person. Because at the end of the day, no one singles out one person. It is always US. The QM Platoon. We as a whole have to work together seamlessly to provide the service to the Division to the best of our capabilities. That's what I hope to see in my platoon. But how do I get them to see this ideal without being cynical? I've been hitting walls.

It was at that moment after telling them during RO that I expected more from them than just doing their jobscope, and then seeing the guys going to the mess to carry the beer even though I told them that they could go home, that I really saw what a great bunch of guys I had. They didn't have to do it. They could have left it to others. I told them not to do it. But they did. They chose to do more. At that moment, I almost couldn't stop my tears from flowing down.

Yes, perhaps I am too drama and emo. But really. Thank God for my platoon. Even though every one of them has some peculiar thing about them, but each of them works hard. Each of them tries to do their best. That's all that I ask...

Great job guys!

tribulations end when the cheerful mind starts.

My Division is too fat and exercising, so time has been scarce for me to blog. At least two people today tell me that I don't update my blog. Hahas.. You know, that may be a piece of really good news considering how I mostly only bitch about work on my blog.

I'm glad I had some reprieve from rations and accommodations and people on top stressing me to do stuff for a day. Yes, the weekend was really really short. One day short, to be exact. But it was fun! Fun because I got to go to church, and because I got to meet my friends out for kBOX! It's not super fun fun, but peaceful fun fun.

I got to sing until my voice cracked. And sing the songs I like. And feel emo while singing certain songs that made me think certain things. Eh. I was thinking one of the songs could be for my crush... Except for one thing though. I don't think I feel the way about my crush like before anymore. That makes her no longer my crush. Hmmm.

晴天
曲/詞: 周杰倫

故事的小黄花
The small yellow flower from the story

从出生那年就飘着
Was wandering since he day she was born

童年的荡秋千
Swinging on a swing in her childhood

随记忆一直晃到现在
Swinging her memories all the way until now.

ㄖㄨㄟ ㄙㄡ ㄙㄡ ㄒ一 ㄉㄡ ㄒ一
re sou sou xi dou xi

ㄌㄚ ㄙㄡ ㄌㄚ ㄒ一 ㄒ一 ㄒ一 ㄒ一 ㄌㄚ ㄒ一 ㄌㄚ ㄙㄡ
la sou la xi xi xi xi la xi la sou

吹着前奏望着天空
Playing an opening theme, looking into the sky

我想起花瓣试着掉落
I think of petals trying to fall

为你翘课的那一天
That day I skipped school for you;

花落的那一天
That day the flower fell;

教室的那一间
The space of the classroom;

我怎么看不见
Why can’t I see it?

消失的下雨天
That rainy day that disappeared -

我好想再淋一遍
wo hao xiang zai lin yi bian
How I want to be rained upon again

没想到失去的勇气我还留着
Never thought that I still kept my lost courage

好想再问一遍
How I want to ask again:

你会等待还是离开
Will you wait or will you go away?

刮风这天 我试过握着你手
That day that the wind blew I tried to hold your hand

但偏偏 雨渐渐
But unfortunetly, the rain kept on

大到我看你不见
Falling until I couldn’t see you

还要多久 我才能在你身边
How much longer until I can be beside you again?

等待放晴的那天 也许我会比较好一点
Waiting for the day to turn clear, maybe I’ll be a little better then

从前从前 有个人爱你很久
Long ago, a person loved you for so long

但偏偏 风渐渐
But unfortunetly, the wind kept on

把距离吹得好远
Blowing, widening the gap so much further

好不容易 又能再多爱一天
So difficult, (I have) another day to love again

但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜
But it seems that, at the end of the tale you still said, “Goodbye”

Kinda missed the times when I still had a crush. Hahas.. Seems like if I was innocent enough to have crush, it would me I would still have some meaning to live for. Like "True Love" to look towards, see? But aiyah. I'm not that idealistic anymore. Sad hor? Means I truly am a cynical bitch now. Argh. Hahas.

Okae lah. Cannot talk so much le. I have to go bathe and get back to camp. Work starts! Survivors ready! Time to outwit, outplay, outlast. GRRRRRR!

odd one out.

Somehow there's always a feeling like I don't belong in whatever situation I am in. This strange thought inside of me that tells me that I am supposed to be alone, and that no one will understand me, and that other people are just having a lot more fun without me killing the picturesque scene.

I guess this is partly the reason that I don't think that I have a lot of friends. It seems like I am quite myopic in my friend vision and I seldom see past my field of vision.

I'm trying to change that. Even though it is tiring to take the initiative all the time, I will. Even though it is tempting to just go out all the time, I am trying to reserve time now for rest, and for possible last minute gatherings or outings.

I wonder why I feel the way that I do sometimes. But for now, before I know the exact reason, I will do everything to fight it. VICTORY is mine!