Friday, December 31, 2010

The Last Day of the Year.

It was another sleepy day for me. I woke up at eleven and actually still intended to eat my regular eggs and toast breakfast. I decided against it in the end because I figured I would need more calories to last me through tonight, and so opted for the U-Mian instead. And now, after watching Prince of Persia with my father, I thought it would be good to spend some time blogging and putting down the things that I have been thinking about lately to paper (or more accurately, screen).

Changes

I was just thinking about this the other day - I have definitely changed this year. Some part of my innocence has been robbed from me by the University system I feel. Endless chasing after the grades and making sure you hit your participation points by everyone around has rubbed off some of the effect on me. The result is a CAP that is the highest I have got since I have entered Uni, albeit lower than many others.

You see, I never did believe in the faking. The answering of questions because it would earn you marks. And I still don't believe in it. I believe in liking what you study, and studying hard because you have a passion for it. A case in point? My Asian Markets and Marketing Management module. I absolutely loved the content and how Prof Xiao Ping taught with such conviction. That's why I always made sure I had something to bring to the table, or something to share whenever she asked questions. And I really think that's why I got an A- for the subject.

An opposing example might be Macro-economics, I guess. Our tutor seemed perpetually bored in the lessons and gave us nothing in teaching. Although I was also interested in Economics, I felt so dreary having to sit through the tutorials that one day I just gave up trying the tutorial exercises, even though I still did the necessary to maintain our participation grades.

Well, the point is, I can FEEL myself changing. Feel myself getting used to the system. Well, it isn't exactly a bad thing, but I feel that somewhere along the way, I have started to rely too much on myself and less and less on God. I used to live my life trusting that God will provide no matter what. That my grades were how they were because that is how it's supposed to be. Now, I fear for my future because I don't know where I can go with the grades or experience I have. A little chat with Ryan on Wednesday got me frightened that I didn't have an internship to show for, and that it might cause me to have a horrible future of mid-tier jobs. That really got me thinking. Is that how I am supposed to lead my life?

Relationships

Another highlight of this year is of course the fact that I got attached to the lovely Miss Oh Kai Li. Last night we had this conversation about how she thinks the flame has died. Meaning the excitement of being attached and being loved and going places together I guess? Well, I don't think so. The flame hasn't died for me because I still yearn to see her everyday, to listen to her talk about her day and her thoughts, to see her being real stupid and spout nonsensical rubbish while shopping. LOL.

But I can't deny that we are running out of places to go. It's like we are hunting down places like animals or something, and these places are starting to go extinct. And the time that we have together is decreasing because she's working and I no longer have a car to drive around during the wee hours of the morning.

I still can see us being together for a long time though, even though Mother claims that we are not "steady" to my aunties, I really think we are in it for the long haul. (Which begs the question, who the hell came up with the term "steady" anyways? And who the heck still uses that term?! Gosh!)

Weight

It's an endless battle against myself. And I seem to be losing lately. I am at my heaviest ever, and nothing seems to be working. I so much want to go back to kayaking, but I know both NUS Canoeing and Canoe Polo wouidn't want a noob like me. Which leaves Dragonboating. LOL!!!

But seriously, I am taking over the reins and working out every single day at the gym just so that I can pass my IPPT before going over to Maastricht. And I have The Spartacus Project blog to show for. It's just a very long-drawn process. I wish I could have some free personal training help =( Maybe I should ask if Eng Keat could help me! Or new friend's brother. Hahaha.. Just a thought.

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Well, I think that very much sums up my year. Brief eh? There has been so many things, that words will not adequately say everything. I managed to find my direction in terms of interest and career also. So i am just working slowly towards my goal. It may not be easy to excel and yet keep to my philosophical grounding, but I can definitely try!

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