All these feel strange and untrue...

Perhaps it's only fitting that I leave a word before I leave tonight for betel nut girls and typhoons.

You know, Life's too short. A few years ago, I was kissing my grandma on the cheek before I went home. I was only what? ten? Now, she lies on the hospital bed once again, wanting to go home with convoluted thoughts only God can make sense of. I had a sudden urge to take a photograph of her there and then; her eyes reflecting such curiosity and such helplessness. It was inappropriate, I figured. Who on earth takes photographs in hospital wards? Am I even allowed to? And you know how old people are with cameras...

I've been sick myself for a long time - ever since chicken pox. There's a concoction of viruses in me, causing sinus, headaches, a nose block, green phlegm, and the wheezing cough that should be familiar to my bunk mates now. I've never been this sick this long before. It feels terrible. Like you have no control over how your body works.

This trip came at a wrong time, I think. Not that there would ever be a right time. Everyday something cataclysmic is happening, and there's an excuse every day. But it somehow feels wrong. It's a weird time for me, I don't know exactly why... I guess I woke up to realise how cold the day was, and I needed to sip some hot tea before I moved on to mow the lawn.

It's interesting to note that I no longer miss EPITOME. Okae, that's not fully true; I still see shadows in passers-by. But not strongly anymore. It's like this world has suddenly become tissue. Easy come, easy go. "There's nothing I have that's truly mine," as Dido put it. Perhaps this is my winter. How does Spring return?

You know, this trip might just do me some good. A vacation away from thinking; a vacation away from reality, to where people with big heads make variety shows. A vacation! Just what I need =)

我爱你 你爱我吗？

天啊！我刚看完了《不能说的秘密》
真是个不错的电影＝）
突然间也好想弹起自己的钢琴来了。。。
罗曼蒂克主义的我，心里也暖缫缫的。

原本是想要批评新加坡警队办事效率低的。
今天还是算了吧！
哈哈！

Slow Love

I feel like dying! Not really "no-breathing, lay limp" dying, but you know, the metaphoric kind. I shan't talk about how unlucky I've been. It's just going to make things worse. Just know that it hasn't been a good week. I need some comforting! Hahas...

Maybe to give you a brief concept of how unlucky, I shall put just say lost camp pass, grandma hospitalised. Hey, somehow it doesn't seem so bad summarised in 5 words!

Anyways, I just came back from TTSH. Did I ever mention how I hate going to TTSH? Or maybe just hospitals in general. I don't know what to do there. Hospitals are meant for doctors, for patients, for nurses. They have stuff to do there. I don't. I only have to face the reality that my grandma is just waiting for living days to pass (don't worry, it's not actually serious, just that people die. Eventually...), and that she can't really remember me. Perhaps I'm not lovable even by my grandma's standards. =/

There's been a mad crazy insane rush for our trip to STAGE BEND in Circwood. Many of the cadets are starting to wonder if this trip is really beneficial to us, what with so much disruption to the training programme and all the last minute prep making everyone short tempered and wonky. -shrugs- I don't know if I'm really in the mental state to cope with leaving the country in a week's time for 3 weeks... but I guess what comes comes.

I need to get away somewhere lah. But there's nowhere to get away to. I need to back off from bouncy's nonsense and all the rush here and there, and handle my mental preoccupations, and come back refreshed. Arghhh... Someone offer to sit at the beach with me a whole day? Hahas.. I guess I'll just go swim or run.

Next week will be better. It'd better be!

broken.

想你，想你...好想你

I heard this song playing just as I was walking home from the MRT station and immediately thought of Liansheng. I wonder how he's doing at JAC... Hey Lian!! Hope you are doing welll!!!

I'm missing Jamie too... As fate would have it, I would be in Taiwan when she comes back to Singapore in October. Haizzz... I miss talking to her actually. Hmm..

Tomorrow Chow and Conrad would be leaving for Australia too for air grading. Everyone is leaving! Enqing is also still at Australia on some big boat. What's with Australia and taking away all my friends?!

This past week was pretty frustrating. I've been struggling to keep my anger/frustration in check. I seem to be acting without thinking nowadays. Then there's the relapse of my "there's no one to talk to me" mentality - which is probably true to some extent. Things are happening so fast, and nothing is happening at the same time. Time in NS is like time spent doing nothing that really impacts your real life. It's quite unreal. Yes, I learn, but I probably wouldn't ever use what I learn in a real world context in its entirety. -shrugs-

There has been angst because I feel as if I missed out a lot in the 2 weeks of my pox. Now I feel like.. I don't really know what I feel. Lost, perhaps. Apprehensive, unsettled, ill at ease, angry. I don't want to feel like this!!!!

DIGRESS!

I went to watch Ratatouille with Cheeks today! We were really heng cos there was this couple who didn't want to watch anymore and sold the tickets to us when it was already all sold out. Then when we went for dinner at Crystal Jade, the number before us was not there so we got to cut queue! Woot! Thank God!

Rat was a fantastic movie. There was quite a lot of preaching about life, but it wasn't excessive. The graphics were great, and the simple storyline beautiful. 5 stars! I loved especially the scene when the food critic Anton zoomed back to his childhood. Damn funny can! Hahas.. Go watch it if you haven't you ass!

I wanted to watch Secret initially.. but it seems like it's finally gone off the box. Argh. And 881! I guess I have to learn to watch movies myself. Again. I've got to understand that people's path are straight lines that sometimes intersect and then move on... how painful. But aiyah. I'll get over it like everything else.

birthday? celebration?

I just finished watching The Exorcist II. Turns out it wasn't horrible. As in, it's supposed to be a horror movie, but it wasn't horrible. And the ending was... huh?

The day was quite busy.. Started with the supposed outing to celebrate Rich's birthday, which everyone was expectedly late. I ended up having to leave after seeing Rich for ten minutes and gorging the Mushroom Ham down my throat. What you see is my attempt to document our outing (although I think I can hardly call it that). Someone I think Rich has gone somewhere where I can't reach anymore. As we all grow, we become different people. And I guess we'd have to drift apart sooner or later. No use hiding it behind empty smiles...

Anyways, I was rushing because of a Civil Resource Mobilisation Exercise which I had to go look at. It turned out to be nothing much, even though I can now say that I know what a CR Mobex is. Hmm. And I did get to eat free food. Hahas..

And then it was a mad rush to Raffles City to take a look at the Casuarina Suites. It was nice enough, and we were desperate to make the deal, so.. we still haven't. Minor details left, and we would be totally done! Yayness =)

Ahh. Then I was supposed to go to Yen Chin's bdae celebrations too, but turns out he was at Tekong -_-" So I spent the most of the night with Cheeks wandering around Cathay and PS and tau hway at Selegie. Hahas. It was quite a nice catch-up session larh...

Anyways, I haven't been sleeping early lately.. to build combat fitness. Hahas.. Too little time.. Haix. Maybe I should sleep now. Talk later!