瞬间老化。

Life goes into overdrive; everything passes by so fast that everything looks still; a uniform blur.

I have grown so much the yesterday and today. In the blink of an eye.

The day started with the outing with Tan Long, Chow and Teckie as planned. We went to Tiong Bahru to have our breakfast at the famous porridge place which I don't remember the name of. The porridge was so-so... Hardly worth the distance we walked I think. But that was the first time in 10 years since I last ate pork porridge, so I guess it was a milestone =)

Words cannot express how glad I was to meet them again. It was a warmth from deep in my heart. It has been so long! I ended up discussing with Teckie about the themes running through Fight Club of the dangers of going to extremes and Nihilism. Which somehow led to Tolkien and themes of sub-creation, class discrimination and incest (Children of Hurin). Wah. I haven't used my brain in a long time. Hahas. Not in a discursive way, anyway.

We later went to Suntec City and then CitiLink and Raffles City, getting more and more tired every step of the way. No one slept well, I guess. Except Teckie that is. He was superrr energetic.

Anyway, we came across Starbucks while in Suntec, and they were only left with bucks and fee. See how capitalistic it is? "We want bucks and pay us fee!"
The shopping got really tiring because my feet were hurting, and I didn't sleep until 2+ a.m. the night before worrying about the tests I would have to do when I step back into Circwood. (I am still very worried, by the way!) But I guess I can't compare myself to Chow lah. He didn't sleep at all, but wasted his whole night in MOS. Literally.

We later had a nice little lunch/snack (according to Tan Long) at TCC in CitiLink as we (I) realised how tired we were of each other. Mainly 1 v.s. 3.

I guess when friends have been friends for a long time, we just take it for granted that someone will be the same way they are always. We think we know their "chao kuan" and so we start being evil to our friends because well, we are friends! But maybe we don't really know the circumstances ba? Why have we become so intolerant of each other?

Enough time wears down even the strongest foundations. You know, Jesus said "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." I think it's the same as friendships. The more I want to hold on to them, the more I will lose them. Yet I wasn't made to not care, and leave things be. I feel like I have to "water the plant" to have it grow. So what's the right way?

I went with Gracia, Conrad, Jun Kai at TPY after the outing. We had steamboat! Yeap.. all went to Gracia's place to makan. So in the end Wei Lun, Chai Kee, Yi Shin and Mark also came. That's virtually the whole team lorh! And I had a lot of fun. =)

I know I don't usually mention them, but KRT is super close to my heart. They're the only people I can say that I've been through failure and success, joy and sadness with together. And then there are the times when we rowed out for training and I would be whining about ahem and all. Hahas.. Those were the days. Wish I could relive them again!!

I might have neglected them abit eh? But seriously, Wei Lun is the best partner I can ever have, and Conrad and Gracia are about the weirdest and cutest couple I've ever seen. Hahas.. Just look at them!

By the way, if you were wondering, Conrad's laughing at Yishin because he's trying to hold in his shit. LOL!

Conrad, Gracia and I took a ride on Yishin's car to taunt the whole night after steamboat. And we went to eat at Tangshui at Thomson. Wah. Shiok. The long talk during steamboat was great too. I haven't talked so much for such a long time!! And university sounds reallyyyy fun from what Gracia is saying. I want to go leh!!

Anyway, having a car really rocks. We went all around lah. St James, Mt Faber, Dick Lee's house, Thomson... almost went to Changi. Hahas.. Superfun. I feel really tempted to go learn driving leh.. But aiyah. No money to buy car. =/

We have got to do this again soon... Training next week!

Maybe it's not how much time you spend together, but how you spend it that counts ba..

I feel so old. Like I finally realise the ideals that I had ever naivety on my part. And now the plate has hit the ground and shattered, and nothing can put it back together again.

Maybe I should take a step back and stop trying to hold the hand I never had.

Shit! Emo thought! Hahas.. That's actually good. Wah. This has been therapeutic. I feel much better now. =) Good luck to me for field camp!!

Oh has it been a hectic few weeks! I haven't seen my friends for so long.. I miss them like crazy.

Where's Tan Long, Rich, Jun Yuan, Ivan, Enqing, Teckie, Chow? I so need to go out with them!!

I guess Pro term is really so jam-packed with activities that it's hard to make time for many things. The fact that we are recce-ing almost every Saturday for the ideal ballroom doesn't help matters. And then there's my commitment to church. That has to stay..

Where did all my free time go to?

I miss so many people right now.. HAIX. I wanna go back to JC!! *whine*whine*

Life in Circwood is getting better. Thanks to God, I no longer feel the strife. I just leave it all up to Him. But things to learn are increasing, and time to learn is decreasing. Now is the right time to scream for Elysium man! Hahas.

Anyway, it's that time of the year again whererby there are consecutive birthdays. Soo... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAMELA!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHUYING!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER!!
Many happy returns to all of you, and may all your birthday wishes come true. God bless!

I'm feeling really tired from the 12km I ran this morning.. so I think I will just go to sleep. Hope I get to see you guys really soon!

Especially.. nevermind.
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Now playing: 周杰倫 - 晴天
via FoxyTunes

What Is Real / Just A Dream

There isn't enough time! Homework from Circwood is threatening to swallow me up. Urgh.

This past week had been fun. We had an Exercise from which I took this photograph. Beautiful isn't it? =) It was cool to have a chauffeur for a day. Stressful yes, but fun nonetheless.

To not talk about what I cannot talk about, I shall digress.

Well, I went for Youth Group today and got a word from God. He convicted me of what I was feeling towards Charles. Basically I hate his guts. He's too much like my father - conceited and self-righteous. Despite how I felt, I should not have attempted to gossip about him. I shouldn't even 'hate' him, I guess. He really was just acting like how he normally is. I shall try to moderate my feelings, Lord willing. I sense however that this is linked to something more deeply rooted in my life though, and that might take more to overcome...

Anyway! We had a second round of recce today, where the Rocky Hill Mess'ers went to Raffles Hotel to take a proper look at the East India Room and the Ballroom. I really like Raffles, but the date offered and the price seemed a little off. We went also to Equinox. The Private Dining Room was ill-maintained but I cannot deny the fact that the view was out of this world. Wish I had photographs, but Zhimin has all of them. Hahas. If I were to espouse in the future, Equinox would be where I would bring Mrs Wen =)

The recce was short, and we had our lunch at Suntec. Well, nothing much from then on until Youth Group, which of course, has been covered.

One thing I want to work on this next week would be effective communication with other people, and really respecting and obeying authorities in my life both in Circwood and in other situations. Yeap.. That shall be my goal for the week!

Tales from Circwood

It has been a few days here at Circwood. I’m starting to get used to the place and the people, the instructors and their fluid moods. We all get used to things after time I guess.

Just one week back, I had one of the worst weeks in my recent life. Feeling Godless, feeling lonely without anyone to talk to, and facing the cruelest things I could say to myself in my head. Never once did I tell anyone this, because I knew neither comforting words nor condemning words could do me any good. All I had to do was to work my way back to grace with the help of God. I had to get myself out of that frame of mind and out of the negative thinking.

I don’t really know how I managed to get out of it, really. I can only guess it was meeting the kayaking people, actually going to church after what seemed like so long, and chatting with Jamie over MSN.

You know that cryptic and poorly written entry posted last week? I guess what I really wanted to figure out was why I managed to feel so much better after the convo with Jamie, and I thought to myself “I feel happy when talking to Jamie because I tell myself I’d feel happy when I talk to Jamie”. Isn’t that cool how our mind works like that? Then again, I wouldn’t really know how my mind really really works. I’d have to ask God on that!

So anyway, the first day here at Circwood was spent on learning about the organizational structure of their healing and provenance branches. Day 2 was on the journey and restoration divisions of the Legion. Word has it that we would learn about the last and final pillar of The Organisation Where Everything Comes From, strength. It appears to me that they do not value Strength much. Hmm..

Generally the lectures were difficult to follow. Despite trying my best to follow what the lecturers were saying, I either ended up asleep or lost. The exception would have to be Journey. It was so straightforward that I even managed to understand a little bit more of the other branches better because their structures were similar in small ways.

The lecture by WO Bala was to me, the most interesting of all. FORMS! Learning how to account for things in the Legion. So I learnt about a lot of TWELVEs and about the Gs. Really quite interesting how there’s a form for every single thing ever. I learnt also about the Enterprise System. Not much yet, but enough for me to be quite amazed. I’m waiting for more!

Another thing that was introduced was Problem Based Learning by Captain Sima. What happens is that we are given case studies to dissect and to analyse, and then to ask questions from those case studies, and then find out the answers to the questions ourselves. In that way, I think we would have greater information retention, and the things we learn would have greater applicability in our future vocations.

As I said before, the food here has been superb, and the place is starting to grow on me, and I keep catching myself wanting to take photographs. Just today I saw the nicest lighting by the lamp above the roof to take a shot. Too bad I don’t have my Lumix DMC-FZ8 yet!! That shall change soon though! Hehehs..

Just today I got caught by 2LT Yong Chiang eating Jack ‘n’ Jill’s in the canteen. After which he asked why I was eating chips when tomorrow is IPPT. Argh. 2LT Wensheng asked me the same thing then. At first I wasn’t really bothered, because I am quite sure that the Gold is within my reach (think about the $200!!) Right now though, I’m starting to feel a little worried.. I’m terribly insecure about my own capabilities, I’m afraid. We shall see tomorrow, I guess! I’d get a bag of chips from 2LT Yong Chiang if I do get gold! Hoho!

Right now, I feel the serenity of an ocean. Now that my CPS term is over, it seems like I can afford to breathe again. It has been a good learning journey where I discovered my weakness of low self-esteem, and I think I did a pretty good job of overcoming it. I also learnt never to let anyone tell you or suggest to you what you can or cannot do. Because you know yourself best.

I feel also, that I have been made right with God, and that He has many good things in store for me here at Circwood. Can’t wait for tomorrow!