Tales from Circwood

It has been a few days here at Circwood. I’m starting to get used to the place and the people, the instructors and their fluid moods. We all get used to things after time I guess.

Just one week back, I had one of the worst weeks in my recent life. Feeling Godless, feeling lonely without anyone to talk to, and facing the cruelest things I could say to myself in my head. Never once did I tell anyone this, because I knew neither comforting words nor condemning words could do me any good. All I had to do was to work my way back to grace with the help of God. I had to get myself out of that frame of mind and out of the negative thinking.

I don’t really know how I managed to get out of it, really. I can only guess it was meeting the kayaking people, actually going to church after what seemed like so long, and chatting with Jamie over MSN.

You know that cryptic and poorly written entry posted last week? I guess what I really wanted to figure out was why I managed to feel so much better after the convo with Jamie, and I thought to myself “I feel happy when talking to Jamie because I tell myself I’d feel happy when I talk to Jamie”. Isn’t that cool how our mind works like that? Then again, I wouldn’t really know how my mind really really works. I’d have to ask God on that!

So anyway, the first day here at Circwood was spent on learning about the organizational structure of their healing and provenance branches. Day 2 was on the journey and restoration divisions of the Legion. Word has it that we would learn about the last and final pillar of The Organisation Where Everything Comes From, strength. It appears to me that they do not value Strength much. Hmm..

Generally the lectures were difficult to follow. Despite trying my best to follow what the lecturers were saying, I either ended up asleep or lost. The exception would have to be Journey. It was so straightforward that I even managed to understand a little bit more of the other branches better because their structures were similar in small ways.

The lecture by WO Bala was to me, the most interesting of all. FORMS! Learning how to account for things in the Legion. So I learnt about a lot of TWELVEs and about the Gs. Really quite interesting how there’s a form for every single thing ever. I learnt also about the Enterprise System. Not much yet, but enough for me to be quite amazed. I’m waiting for more!

Another thing that was introduced was Problem Based Learning by Captain Sima. What happens is that we are given case studies to dissect and to analyse, and then to ask questions from those case studies, and then find out the answers to the questions ourselves. In that way, I think we would have greater information retention, and the things we learn would have greater applicability in our future vocations.

As I said before, the food here has been superb, and the place is starting to grow on me, and I keep catching myself wanting to take photographs. Just today I saw the nicest lighting by the lamp above the roof to take a shot. Too bad I don’t have my Lumix DMC-FZ8 yet!! That shall change soon though! Hehehs..

Just today I got caught by 2LT Yong Chiang eating Jack ‘n’ Jill’s in the canteen. After which he asked why I was eating chips when tomorrow is IPPT. Argh. 2LT Wensheng asked me the same thing then. At first I wasn’t really bothered, because I am quite sure that the Gold is within my reach (think about the $200!!) Right now though, I’m starting to feel a little worried.. I’m terribly insecure about my own capabilities, I’m afraid. We shall see tomorrow, I guess! I’d get a bag of chips from 2LT Yong Chiang if I do get gold! Hoho!

Right now, I feel the serenity of an ocean. Now that my CPS term is over, it seems like I can afford to breathe again. It has been a good learning journey where I discovered my weakness of low self-esteem, and I think I did a pretty good job of overcoming it. I also learnt never to let anyone tell you or suggest to you what you can or cannot do. Because you know yourself best.

I feel also, that I have been made right with God, and that He has many good things in store for me here at Circwood. Can’t wait for tomorrow!