想你，想你...好想你

I heard this song playing just as I was walking home from the MRT station and immediately thought of Liansheng. I wonder how he's doing at JAC... Hey Lian!! Hope you are doing welll!!!

I'm missing Jamie too... As fate would have it, I would be in Taiwan when she comes back to Singapore in October. Haizzz... I miss talking to her actually. Hmm..

Tomorrow Chow and Conrad would be leaving for Australia too for air grading. Everyone is leaving! Enqing is also still at Australia on some big boat. What's with Australia and taking away all my friends?!

This past week was pretty frustrating. I've been struggling to keep my anger/frustration in check. I seem to be acting without thinking nowadays. Then there's the relapse of my "there's no one to talk to me" mentality - which is probably true to some extent. Things are happening so fast, and nothing is happening at the same time. Time in NS is like time spent doing nothing that really impacts your real life. It's quite unreal. Yes, I learn, but I probably wouldn't ever use what I learn in a real world context in its entirety. -shrugs-

There has been angst because I feel as if I missed out a lot in the 2 weeks of my pox. Now I feel like.. I don't really know what I feel. Lost, perhaps. Apprehensive, unsettled, ill at ease, angry. I don't want to feel like this!!!!

DIGRESS!

I went to watch Ratatouille with Cheeks today! We were really heng cos there was this couple who didn't want to watch anymore and sold the tickets to us when it was already all sold out. Then when we went for dinner at Crystal Jade, the number before us was not there so we got to cut queue! Woot! Thank God!

Rat was a fantastic movie. There was quite a lot of preaching about life, but it wasn't excessive. The graphics were great, and the simple storyline beautiful. 5 stars! I loved especially the scene when the food critic Anton zoomed back to his childhood. Damn funny can! Hahas.. Go watch it if you haven't you ass!

I wanted to watch Secret initially.. but it seems like it's finally gone off the box. Argh. And 881! I guess I have to learn to watch movies myself. Again. I've got to understand that people's path are straight lines that sometimes intersect and then move on... how painful. But aiyah. I'll get over it like everything else.

瞬间老化。

Life goes into overdrive; everything passes by so fast that everything looks still; a uniform blur.

I have grown so much the yesterday and today. In the blink of an eye.

The day started with the outing with Tan Long, Chow and Teckie as planned. We went to Tiong Bahru to have our breakfast at the famous porridge place which I don't remember the name of. The porridge was so-so... Hardly worth the distance we walked I think. But that was the first time in 10 years since I last ate pork porridge, so I guess it was a milestone =)

Words cannot express how glad I was to meet them again. It was a warmth from deep in my heart. It has been so long! I ended up discussing with Teckie about the themes running through Fight Club of the dangers of going to extremes and Nihilism. Which somehow led to Tolkien and themes of sub-creation, class discrimination and incest (Children of Hurin). Wah. I haven't used my brain in a long time. Hahas. Not in a discursive way, anyway.

We later went to Suntec City and then CitiLink and Raffles City, getting more and more tired every step of the way. No one slept well, I guess. Except Teckie that is. He was superrr energetic.

Anyway, we came across Starbucks while in Suntec, and they were only left with bucks and fee. See how capitalistic it is? "We want bucks and pay us fee!"
The shopping got really tiring because my feet were hurting, and I didn't sleep until 2+ a.m. the night before worrying about the tests I would have to do when I step back into Circwood. (I am still very worried, by the way!) But I guess I can't compare myself to Chow lah. He didn't sleep at all, but wasted his whole night in MOS. Literally.

We later had a nice little lunch/snack (according to Tan Long) at TCC in CitiLink as we (I) realised how tired we were of each other. Mainly 1 v.s. 3.

I guess when friends have been friends for a long time, we just take it for granted that someone will be the same way they are always. We think we know their "chao kuan" and so we start being evil to our friends because well, we are friends! But maybe we don't really know the circumstances ba? Why have we become so intolerant of each other?

Enough time wears down even the strongest foundations. You know, Jesus said "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." I think it's the same as friendships. The more I want to hold on to them, the more I will lose them. Yet I wasn't made to not care, and leave things be. I feel like I have to "water the plant" to have it grow. So what's the right way?

I went with Gracia, Conrad, Jun Kai at TPY after the outing. We had steamboat! Yeap.. all went to Gracia's place to makan. So in the end Wei Lun, Chai Kee, Yi Shin and Mark also came. That's virtually the whole team lorh! And I had a lot of fun. =)

I know I don't usually mention them, but KRT is super close to my heart. They're the only people I can say that I've been through failure and success, joy and sadness with together. And then there are the times when we rowed out for training and I would be whining about ahem and all. Hahas.. Those were the days. Wish I could relive them again!!

I might have neglected them abit eh? But seriously, Wei Lun is the best partner I can ever have, and Conrad and Gracia are about the weirdest and cutest couple I've ever seen. Hahas.. Just look at them!

By the way, if you were wondering, Conrad's laughing at Yishin because he's trying to hold in his shit. LOL!

Conrad, Gracia and I took a ride on Yishin's car to taunt the whole night after steamboat. And we went to eat at Tangshui at Thomson. Wah. Shiok. The long talk during steamboat was great too. I haven't talked so much for such a long time!! And university sounds reallyyyy fun from what Gracia is saying. I want to go leh!!

Anyway, having a car really rocks. We went all around lah. St James, Mt Faber, Dick Lee's house, Thomson... almost went to Changi. Hahas.. Superfun. I feel really tempted to go learn driving leh.. But aiyah. No money to buy car. =/

We have got to do this again soon... Training next week!

Maybe it's not how much time you spend together, but how you spend it that counts ba..

I feel so old. Like I finally realise the ideals that I had ever naivety on my part. And now the plate has hit the ground and shattered, and nothing can put it back together again.

Maybe I should take a step back and stop trying to hold the hand I never had.

Shit! Emo thought! Hahas.. That's actually good. Wah. This has been therapeutic. I feel much better now. =) Good luck to me for field camp!!