young wisdom.

There are some things that as a parent, you should never say.

When he comes home from a day out, don't ask "didn't they say anything about your face?" - implying, "wah.. your face so fu**ed up still go out arh?"

When he just recovered from chicken pox or when he has chicken pox, don't say "don't walk around, don't cough, go wear your shirt leh. What if the pox explodes and spreads to people?" - implying, "eh, don't spread to me hor!"

It's not that there should be barriers in a family. But you should know that what you say has effect. The bible says that "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose." in Proverbs 18:21.

Haix. What can I say?

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me!

Twitter and Tones.

is so cool.

Yes, I am slow..

So anyway, I've added it on my blog so I can just send in random thoughts anywhere anytime! Mr Brown is so smart. Hahas.

Oh, and I downloaded (PAID!) for a stupid ringtone for my phone only to realise that I have a 3G contract, and that does not include GPRS, hence rendering the ringtone useless for my non-3G but GPRS phone. Ha.

And I am still not sleeping yet.

Bleah.

Oh, this is the 201st post! Happy 201, blog!

Jamie Joan Yiteng!

I went for a small gathering with these 3 people last weekend. It wasn't really planned or anything. Huimin arranged to meet Jamie for some driving stuff, then Tiff suggested an OG outing which amounted to nothing, and then somehow I ended up meeting Huimin, Jamie and Yiteng!

Strange how it all works out eh?

Anyways, I took some photographs to decorate this blog. Hahas..

I initially met up with Joan and Jamie at Ajisen Ramen for lunch, and then Yiteng came by! Wah.. I haven't met her in at least half a year lorh! But it was slightly awkward.. I couldn't really think of things to talk about.

As usual, Joan was complaining about her work and the rest of us were listening to her whining. Hahas.. brings back old memories!



Now, this is Joan or Huimin zipai-ing outside Ajisen. She's the most enthusiastic about taking photos lorh! The other two are like.. sian sian don't want to take like that leh.



And this is a photo of me with Huimin! I think my smile a little too big. Not nice! Hahas.. and how come my hand so big sia?



After Ajisen, we moved on to this shop selling materials for scrapping. Jamie wanted to find some stuff to make something for her friend before she flew off, see. I can't remember the name of the shop offhand. Getting old you know! Anyways, Joan's posing with one of the prints from that shop. Hahas. Somehow she reminds me of the mirror in Snow White and 7 Dwarves.



FACE/OFF! Nah! It's me taking a photo through a wooden stool. Bored, I am. Hahas.. Looks quite nice, don't you think? Aiyah, any photo with me in it would look fantabulous, baby!



After Jamie finished her shopping, we gathered for a group shoot! Oh so heartwarming =)



Then I pestered Jamie to take more photos with me, since she's gonna leave soon. Won't get to see her for a damn long time! ='( Gotta capture the memories before its too late.



Finally, just before we all parted ways, as we always have to in life, we took one last group photo outside of PS. We all look so happy!

Hope we all stay cheery forever!

愛している？

For all my grumbling that I don't have a girlfriend, or I don't have someone to crush on, I find myself glad that I don't have relationship problems. It's either a boon or a boo I guess.

Reading Rich's and Shuying's blog, I find being in a relationship (or trying to be in a relationship and eventually leading into a ménage à trois - albeit not married and all), very confounding indeed. You basically lose reason as your heart takes over the operations. Exciting, truthfully, but hurtful as time passes. Maybe it's not my cup of coffee.

Once upon a time I thought if two managed to get together, everything would be alright. Because everything wouldn't really matter. So far Shuying's story doesn't seem that way. She's always bogged down with her own baggage. Jas and Jun Xiong's story has also taught me that even the most ideal relationship can break down to pieces unmendable.

Question is, of course, would you rather have a whole heart untouched and cold, or a heart in pieces which once beat with the fervour which justifies its breaking?

Here's a song dedication to Rich! I like this song quite a lot. Hm. Musically I guess..

Eve, The Apple Of My Eye
Bell X1

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back again at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Why can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But Eve is the apple of my eye

Hospital Visit III

I don't know how many more times I can go to TTSH without tearing.

It's not that I go there feeling all sad and emotional. It's just small little moments when I see how frail she has become and how old age and sickness can rob you of dignity.

She couldn't even choose not to eat because everyone was stuffing food at her. True, she needs food, and it's not good for her not to eat anything. I still didn't like the way they force-fed her though.. I thought right at that moment, "God, please don't let me die old."

The consolation is that she is out of any danger. What remains of the blood clot is the incoherence when she talks and some inability to express what she is trying to say. She would talk to my mother in Cantonese and then suddenly launch into some odd language which sounds Canto, but doesn't mean anything. She knows that she cannot remember things and that she has a problem with talking though.. She said it, ironically.. But that's a good thing. At least her reason is still intact.

We have to move her to Ang Mo Kio Hospital soon.. Tan Tock Seng is too packed and they asked that we move so that she could get her rehabilitation done. Echoing my auntie, I really hope that the clot didn't do much damage to her brain, and after rehab, she can return to normal.

I prayed for her again today. For full recovery. I was scared that she would be taken away... I don't know.. Is death better than a frustrating life of impediments?

Oh well, I should not think about such things.. On other matters, someone new shifted into the ward. A nice auntie who was amazingly multilingual and chatty. She was talking to her friends on her 3G phone via video, and I was like "wow!". I never knew aunties were that savvy nowadays. Singapore really is getting 3G!

Another old lady wasn't so nice to her maid. She hit her when she tried to put on her hearing aid. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Haix. It's not easy being a domestic helper.

Okae, that's enough for today. Tomorrow!

我好累却不想睡着。深怕明天会跟今天一样的空虚，一样的无聊。

很想莫人，但是我知道她不会在想我。真是傻！明知道不应该想得太多令自己难过，但又无法自拔。也许快乐是奢侈的吧！

明天将如同今日，凭什么不同？我也只能默默地接受。盼望不再奢望的一天到来 ...

I Think I.

There is so much to say; I don't know where to start.

I am not happy. Why exactly eludes me.

I haven't written a good piece of article for a long time now. I feel inadequate. It's as if I have been writing about the same things over and over again, and that's all there is to me.

I am not thinking. Should I not concern myself with the beheadings in Thailand or the Olympics and presidential elections next year? What am I doing with my life? I am purposeless. I am alone more than I am purposeless.

-

I went visiting my grandmother again today. She is getting better. She talks now, and she looks me in the eye. According to my uncle, she recognised him and my brother in the afternoon; she called my auntie her sister when I went there today.

"I know, I know," and "Go home early" is all she said to me. I don't think she recognised me. It is painful to see her like that. All I can hope for is her fast recovery after transferring to Ang Mo Kio hospital.

She's my favourite grandparent. I remember when I was young, she used to tug us into sleep, and she would talk to my grandfather in Hainanese until we slept. My grandfather would bring us out to buy toys or little things we took fancy on, and my grandmother would always stay at home doing the housework, getting us to eat all the food which never seems to run out. The funny thing is that she doesn't do the cooking. Hahas..

Our relationship started to get worse as I grew up. Never in a bad sense, but in a more distant sense. We moved back home, and went to my grandparents' place less. I guess I seldom took the effort to go down regularly either.. Things just changed after my grandfather died.. The life in the place was sucked away by his death.

-

The block leave which the SAF gives seems to be too much. I have nothing to do without an RO telling me what to do. I hope the next ten days would not be like today: Rotting away at home after helping out BB in their hike.

The weird model guy actually called me to go for some gig tomorrow night. But I turned him down. I think he was quite pissed off with me. Not that I care. I shall put myself at the beck and call of anyone.

But wow. I never expected that he would really call. He must be desperate. lol.

-

I stand at the edge of a cliff and scream. No one ever hears. Even if someone does, what can she do? My life is mine to bear. Tired; hoarse. I stop screaming. The silence is comforting. Just let me hold on to this solace forever. Shhh...

I have this urge to type something, so I thought I would just write out what I am thinking right this moment.

Well. I've been blog surfing, looking at the Allegiance blog, at friends' blogs and it got me thinking. What exactly am I doing with my life? What am I good at?

I realised.. I'm good at nothing. Bouts of self-loathe and inferiority complex starts to hit me.

You know, Hsia Pin once said that I'm good at putting people at ease. I always thought it was a nice way of saying that I'm goofy.

Hahas.. That reminds me of a joke I saw in a magazine:

Mickey Mouse finally decided to divorce Minnie Mouse after a marriage of 60 years.

The judge refused to grant the separation in the end stating, 'Mr Mouse, the fact that your spouse has buck-teeth doesn't constitute grounds for a divorce'

'No,' Mickey replied. 'I meant she was fucking Goofy!'

Hmm. Get it?

Nevermind.

Well.. it's just that I find that after 19 years, it seems like I don't really have a significant skill. That's kinda depressing. It'd be good if I were good at something. Like music for Chee Keen & Kit. Or if I enjoyed things better.. Like choir games like Chin Guan.

Hmmm....

I don't know.

I guess I'm just supposed to be content and happy. Right.

I'm trying to learn some things on my own now, now that I'm aware of this. I don't want to be Jack. I want to be Master! Hahas..

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just ranting.

so aren't you glad?

Man, having to think up titles for entries are starting to really piss me off.

I just went to take a look at The Allegiance blog.

It's finally updated! And updated a lot.

I felt a surge of joy. Don't really know why. It feels good to know that something you created is finally put to use, I guess.

The articles are many.. I shall take my time to read them. Hahas.. And thank God that there's such a channel for me to still know His Word when I cannot be physically at the youth group sessions.

Happy Birthday, Ivan!

We went to celebrate Ivan's birthday today at Marina Square. We went for dinner at Jack's Place then cake at Sweet Secrets.

Hmm.. I wonder how we took so much time just to do two things. Hahas..

Really, I thank God for this group of friends. They are like an oasis in the desert! We can talk about anything in the world larh. And I feel zero-ed. Hahas.. Like a rifle being equalised after a loonnngggg time. Or maybe like being cleaned up and freshened up.

Ivan looks weird with longer hair. I think I'm too used to seeing his normal cut. Hahas.. But it's a fresh look. I support it! We should all leave our hair long before NS. The aunty will snip it all off at $2. Worth the money! But then.. they have no skill larh.. just anyhow shave.

I feel like I can go back to camp and face BMT again. =) Jiayou, me!

It's about time..

.. that I hit the beaches of Singapore!! No, not to show off my hot glob, but to take photographs..

I've been waiting forever a Nikon to arrive in the mail, but it seems like I'm not going to get it. I'll have to make do with my FinePix A203. It's vulgar, I know..

I've always wanted to walk around taking photos of things around Singapore and try to expand my limited photography skills. Just never imagined that I would be walking everywhere alone though..

Now that I think of it, no one would want to walk around with me while I take photographs. Hahas.. Now that everyone is working or waiting to die, like what my brother says..

If only Singapore had beautiful sunsets and sunrises like the one I saw in Port Dickson!! Too bad I didn't bring my camera with me then. Or else you would be looking at a Malaysian sun instead of a Thai one. Too bad our little island is blocked by Indon and M'sia and all we can see are huge oil tankers and cargo ships. Haix.

So anyway, I guess I'd be going out the next few days to be trigger happy =) Snap snap snap!