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There are times such as a time like this that I feel an urge to blog but cannot, mainly because the SAF is afraid that blogging would introduce viruses into their computer network. Nah. I'm sure that's not the real reason.. maybe something more sinister like not wanting funny happenings in here to be leaked out to the civilian realm. Whatever the case, I can't blog!

Like the genius I am, I came up with a solution to go around this problem. I am typing an e-mail to myself! How cool is that? After all, blogging really is just typing a message to yourself. I'm just doing it the old-fashioned way.

Anyways, I just finished a 2 x 3km run (i.e. 6km for you math-unsavvy folk out there) because the Wing Comd decided that we shouldn't join the rest of the Wing in their 16km route march. Now, there are two conspiracy theories as to why:

1. Someone thinks that the reason is that we are not "physically conditioned" to join the Wing for the 16km. Hey, after all, us SISPEC s**ts only completed a 28km route march. Hardly good enough for the OCS standard man.. 16km is just too difficult for us.
2. Wing Comd finds that there's no need for us to do another 16km since we have already done our 28km in SISPEC. Now, that sounds more logical doesn't it? Sometimes I wonder how people think.

It's never really the tangible aspects of how they treat us here that makes me feel ill at ease. It's these small little things that tells me, "hey, you are not supposed to be here". Little things like what they call us, to what they ask us to do - mainly fatigue work. Hey, I totally understand that it would be better for us to do fatigue work - after all, we don't get to participate in the activities anyway.. But can you blame us for feeling used? For being treated like we are the Filipinos?

There are definitely good people here who try to assimilate us. But I know too that it would be hard. After all, we haven't been here for 12 weeks, and the fact that we don't get to go through the "tough trainings" like 16km and Exercise Spade with the rest of the cadets sets us apart even more. It's like we are slacking all the way. Personally, I don't mind doing a 16km again. Although I can't speak for the rest of the crossovers, but I really think it would help us to blend in.

That said, maybe we are all waiting for the end of Service Term when everyone would go their separate ways anyways, so there would be less hassles of getting to know people.

Well, I think that's enough said about my dilemma here in Jurong West..

There's something else that's been occupying my thoughts, but I don't think I can share it. I'm starting to get slightly paranoid. As is natural when you start to care about something too much! I don't want to end up suffocating the baby by holding it too tight, to use a metaphor. After all, I know in myself that I shouldn't be thinking so much. My priority should be doing well here in OCS. Hm.

I'm just intrigued, that's all.. like never before. Not something I can describe actually, even if you were to ask me why. But I know at the end of the day that it's my own business, and I need only to keep it to myself, and everything would be alright. Ask not for more, and this moment would stay forever.

Hahas.. I bet you are puzzled as to what I am saying =P. That's the point man, that's the point. Hmm.. I wonder if I would one day become a great philosopher and expound about nothing at all like what I am doing now. Hehs. It would be fun, you know. To be remembered as someone who changed the philosophical landscape, by really, just blabbering.

I digress! I think it's time to end this little entry.. I can't wait for book out on Thursday! See you soon!!