thought troubles.

I've been feeling rather beaten lately. The word "gay" really gets to me somehow, perhaps because I am very aware that my voice is kinda weird. So I've been really defensive about related topics ba... Like when Wen Tian mentioned that my friends are effeminate, I got quite uneasy. These things get to me because these are things I cannot change. I cannot change my voice to be "ungay", I cannot act more "alpha male" by littering my sentences with more smelly vaginas because I just don't do that. I guess I can only take solace in the knowledge that I am in fact, not gay.

Other than this, the two days at work got me quite worried too. Worried because I don't know if I would be up to the mammoth task. Do I acutally have the core competencies required to be a QM? There seems to be so much to do! And my upperstudy does them so well. How can I ever hope to replace him and build the relationships he took 2 years to form in 10 months? To their eyes I am just an NSF who is a passing figure in their lives. How do I even begin?

So there you have it. The two things that are cracking my head now.. =(