umbrella.

It seems that I am not getting any work done today. Not yet anyway.. We'll see what tomorrow brings.. And of course, I can't wait for the prelims to end! DotA!!!!

I decided to blog mainly because I had to. Just having so many things up in my head that I felt the need to offload some stuff here. Hahas.. I shall attempt to use the code language I used to be proficient in in secondary school to write this so that no one would understand what I am talking about =)

Gee.. mental block! Don't know how to codify le!

I was thinking about this in the morning: Umbrellas... Houses are really umbrellas with walls. So if we wanted to, we could live in umbrellas. Like.. just add some walls to it, and make the umbrella really big. Something like a tent right? A tent is a cross between an umbrella and a real solid house. Hmmm..

Just thought what a blessing an umbrella is to all of us. Because of it, we can actually go much faster without the fear of getting drenched. Just this morning, I was reflecting on how my trusty ole automatic umbrella helped me to get to school without getting wet. I think I left it in school though.. shit.

We all need umbrellas in life. To shelter us from the storms that come, or just to give us an anchor against the storms that rage within us. So that we don't get sick and downtrodden.

Storms that rage within us. Curious.. That's what I have been repeatedly been facing these few weeks. The helplessness one faces when he is unable to defeat his circumstances because of his very weaknesses. The inability of me to stop watching the TV at home. The temptation of reaching out to the mobile phone to sms someone so that it doesn't get too lonely.

Increasingly, really.. I find myself isolated. When did that happen? When did everyone disappear and become faraway strangers? Things that I was certain of became questionable. So right now, I am not friends with people. I am still trying to get used to the mentality that everyone I meet is merely an acquaintance. To use the mentality of someone I knew, not being friends means you would never lose friends, like how it works with hope and disappointment. Kinda sad if you think about it. At the end of the day, I'll just have to know that there are people I can trust, even if there is no one I can talk to.

Truthfully speaking, I have nothing to talk about. What sad tale can I tell? Everything is too routine for me. If you don't belong to the same JC as me, what can I tell you that you would be interested it? Nothing much, really. That's tried and tested. So that's how everyone drifts apart. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's not true. Presence is very important. After all, what is not there would not be there. The effort to stay present is too great. A retreat into the shadows of memories and the back alleys are much easier..

So here lies the rationale for the diminishing of mr suan. Maybe that's how elves fade. Like you lose all the fighting and energy from your spirit. wah.

So I was talking about umbrellas. Everyone needs one. God, girlfriend, money, car, house, friends, anything to anchor you. I am trying to live without one. Ultimately I know that God would always be there, and I thank Him for it. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's good to know that others would be there too.

What to do, what to do.. at least I am alive!

Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth.
—Souza