这首歌令我想起了两年前的《白云岗》。在这个时候也似乎十分适合我的心情。
《寂寞的季节》
(Season Of Loneliness)
作词：娃娃 作曲：陶吉吉
风吹落最后一片叶 我的心也飘著雪
爱只能往回忆里堆叠 oh~ 给下个季节
忽然间树梢冒花蕊 我怎么会都没有感觉
oh~ 整条街 都是恋爱的人 我独自走在暖风的夜
多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节
艳阳高照在那海边 爱情盛开的世界
远远看著热闹一切 oh~ 我记得那狂烈
窗外是快枯黄的叶 感伤在心中有一些 oh~
我了解 那些爱过的人 心是如何慢慢在凋谢
多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节
又走过风吹的冷冽 最后一盏灯熄灭
从回忆我慢慢穿越 在这寂寞的季节
还是寂寞的季节 一样寂寞的季节
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Wah Biang eh!
Hello babies! I'm back from ______, if you didn't already know =)
How are you feeling? Hope you are fine yeah? Hahas..
Only when I came back did I realise that I have an unposted draft sitting right here in Blogger. Gee.. I have no idea what I wanted to type the anymore.. but I guess I would just post it incomplete as a record of my life.
It's been a very boring two days for me since returning from that-place-which-shall-not-be-named. With everyone I know either in their camps or working, or overseas or studying in polys, there ain't nothing much I can do. I guess I'm not much of a self-pleasuring person. It's times like these when absences are felt strongly.. but I shall not whine about it!
Reading and playing Go did flash past as ideas to fill time once in a while, but I ended up digging out The Sims 2 to play again. Guess what? I managed to get to the top of the Science and Medicine career in two days!! And the new character is just 5 points away from maxing out all his skill points.
It's amazingly difficult to keep him faithful to one partner really.. I've tried being only friends to the neighbours, but he would start bringing colleagues home, and one thing leads to another, and they fall in love, and everything becomes messy because he's supposed to be engaged already. Man!
Other than playing the Sims, I've been trying to finish up the Absolut Vodkas I bought from DFS at amazingly cheap prices. That means downing at least 2 Vodka Oranges each day. Not very good lah hor? Especially with the 50% alcohol content from Absolut 100. Eh, Gracia, you want to help me finish it? I just want the bottles! I guess I have to be patient..
Life in general feels pretty purposeless without being in camp, and without exams to study for. There are enough times when I catch myself watching TV and surfing the net endlessly and think to myself that I no longer have A levels to study for, and then feel how pointless all these temptations are. What good is TV without examinations?!!
Oh well.. I guess I'd just live day to day.. Hahas.. I really need to fall in love to fill time.
How are you feeling? Hope you are fine yeah? Hahas..
Only when I came back did I realise that I have an unposted draft sitting right here in Blogger. Gee.. I have no idea what I wanted to type the anymore.. but I guess I would just post it incomplete as a record of my life.
It's been a very boring two days for me since returning from that-place-which-shall-not-be-named. With everyone I know either in their camps or working, or overseas or studying in polys, there ain't nothing much I can do. I guess I'm not much of a self-pleasuring person. It's times like these when absences are felt strongly.. but I shall not whine about it!
Reading and playing Go did flash past as ideas to fill time once in a while, but I ended up digging out The Sims 2 to play again. Guess what? I managed to get to the top of the Science and Medicine career in two days!! And the new character is just 5 points away from maxing out all his skill points.
It's amazingly difficult to keep him faithful to one partner really.. I've tried being only friends to the neighbours, but he would start bringing colleagues home, and one thing leads to another, and they fall in love, and everything becomes messy because he's supposed to be engaged already. Man!
Other than playing the Sims, I've been trying to finish up the Absolut Vodkas I bought from DFS at amazingly cheap prices. That means downing at least 2 Vodka Oranges each day. Not very good lah hor? Especially with the 50% alcohol content from Absolut 100. Eh, Gracia, you want to help me finish it? I just want the bottles! I guess I have to be patient..
Life in general feels pretty purposeless without being in camp, and without exams to study for. There are enough times when I catch myself watching TV and surfing the net endlessly and think to myself that I no longer have A levels to study for, and then feel how pointless all these temptations are. What good is TV without examinations?!!
Oh well.. I guess I'd just live day to day.. Hahas.. I really need to fall in love to fill time.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
It hasn't really sunk into my head that I am going to ______ tonight. I'm not prepared for it.
Neither has it sunk in that I won't get to see Jamie again until a very long time from now on. I guess in the past we don't think much of not seeing someone again. It just comes very naturally that when you leave a certain environment e.g. school, you leave the people behind too. Well, Jamie is a little outside the box of NYJC, so it takes a little getting used to I guess. Plus this time it's another country.
Experience tells me that I would get over this. But I'm just typing this to whine. Hahas.. It's not easy lah, having a friend leave like that. But decisions have to be made, and I wish
Neither has it sunk in that I won't get to see Jamie again until a very long time from now on. I guess in the past we don't think much of not seeing someone again. It just comes very naturally that when you leave a certain environment e.g. school, you leave the people behind too. Well, Jamie is a little outside the box of NYJC, so it takes a little getting used to I guess. Plus this time it's another country.
Experience tells me that I would get over this. But I'm just typing this to whine. Hahas.. It's not easy lah, having a friend leave like that. But decisions have to be made, and I wish
Saturday, June 30, 2007
背影
Do you know how the French Revolution started?
France had a system of lordship and serfhood. Basically a serf is a farmer who tends to the land allotted to him (or more commonly taken away from him) by his lord. Now, serf had to know his place, and farm enough to pay the "rent" for the land in terms of taxes and also to have enough for his family.
The French monarchy was obviously infamously unaware of the sufferings that this system caused, as epitomised in what Queen Marie Antoinette said, "Let them eat cake." As we all know, desperate people are dangerous people. Think Cultural Revolution, think Berlin Wall, think, more recently, the 2nd Gulf War.
And so the serfs rose up against the oppression of the lords who had no real right over them, killing them with farm tools and the guillotine they created.
Now, what has this got to do with what I'm going to blog about?
Simply that I was just passing excrement (ahem) in someone's place, and this thought came to my mind: "I should know my place." Typical Dezhi thought, I would think. Something that is low on esteem and filled with self-belittlement.
But spend some time to think about it. I have a Lord who has every right over my life. He bought it, after all. Have I really thought about what my place is? What I need to do is to obey, and not heed the spirit of rebellion that is within me. Maybe that's why there's been so much difficulty and heartache along the way. Simply because it's not God's way. Makes total sense.
Now if I were me when I was in Secondary Three, I would not believe that I would say such a thing. I believed in freedom, in doing what you want as long as it harms no one and you feel good about it, and in that elusive idea of love. You know, it being universal, selfless, blah blah blah, all that jazz.
I believe in God now. So if you have something to say to me, please don't. I feel like I've grown older over these years. I've learnt a lot of things. So I should know better. Just need to learn once again not to get caught up in the moment, I guess.
So what I'm saying now is that I should emancipate myself like what the serfs did. Break free from the bondage that has held me, and focus on the things I want to achieve. Like get a Vespa! Get a 2B license before getting a Vespa! Get a non-SLR-but-has-manual-options camera! Learn Japanese! Buy a new MacBook Pro if I have extra money (not likely)! What else arh? I think that's about it for now.
Anyways, I saw 2 Vespas at Thomson Plaza today! Gracia was suggesting we share a Vespa. Hahas.. Doubt it will work, but sounds very tempting sia! That would cut the price I have to pay to about 4 thousand bucks up? I think I will be putting a meter up to show my savings real soon =) Presuming I survive ______, the place I am going to.
Kayaking was fun today. I feel like I can do a K1 better now after Wei Lun pang seh me to take a K2 with Jun Kai. I lost to Piper and Cheryl and the J1 in a T1! Quite sad larh. But I guess 1 year of non-rowing really makes a difference. Especially because I didn't do any warm-up rounds! It was like "okae, Dezhi, go challenge them!" Aiyah. I pulled all the way and threw strokes into the wind. Obviously, I died by 500m. Boo! But hey, I loved going back to MacRitchie and capsizing as much as I want. Exhilarating!
I'm now in Jamie's room after playing LAN with the kayaking gang. There's a class gathering going on now with pizza and the last ever game to be held in the National Stadium playing outside, but I'm blogging alone here. Oh melancholy! Hahas.. Drama darling! No lah.. just don't feel especially in the mood for talk with my irritating sore eye in my eye. So hello blog! I've got a feeling I'd become some geek who only blogs before soon (that's if I'm not already that).
This is not bad, you know. There's no climatic ending and sendoff, but at least there's an ending. Another chapter is half closed with no clue as to what the future of the story would bring.
That's the beauty of life isn't it? Nothing is ever final.
France had a system of lordship and serfhood. Basically a serf is a farmer who tends to the land allotted to him (or more commonly taken away from him) by his lord. Now, serf had to know his place, and farm enough to pay the "rent" for the land in terms of taxes and also to have enough for his family.
The French monarchy was obviously infamously unaware of the sufferings that this system caused, as epitomised in what Queen Marie Antoinette said, "Let them eat cake." As we all know, desperate people are dangerous people. Think Cultural Revolution, think Berlin Wall, think, more recently, the 2nd Gulf War.
And so the serfs rose up against the oppression of the lords who had no real right over them, killing them with farm tools and the guillotine they created.
Now, what has this got to do with what I'm going to blog about?
Simply that I was just passing excrement (ahem) in someone's place, and this thought came to my mind: "I should know my place." Typical Dezhi thought, I would think. Something that is low on esteem and filled with self-belittlement.
But spend some time to think about it. I have a Lord who has every right over my life. He bought it, after all. Have I really thought about what my place is? What I need to do is to obey, and not heed the spirit of rebellion that is within me. Maybe that's why there's been so much difficulty and heartache along the way. Simply because it's not God's way. Makes total sense.
Now if I were me when I was in Secondary Three, I would not believe that I would say such a thing. I believed in freedom, in doing what you want as long as it harms no one and you feel good about it, and in that elusive idea of love. You know, it being universal, selfless, blah blah blah, all that jazz.
I believe in God now. So if you have something to say to me, please don't. I feel like I've grown older over these years. I've learnt a lot of things. So I should know better. Just need to learn once again not to get caught up in the moment, I guess.
So what I'm saying now is that I should emancipate myself like what the serfs did. Break free from the bondage that has held me, and focus on the things I want to achieve. Like get a Vespa! Get a 2B license before getting a Vespa! Get a non-SLR-but-has-manual-options camera! Learn Japanese! Buy a new MacBook Pro if I have extra money (not likely)! What else arh? I think that's about it for now.
Anyways, I saw 2 Vespas at Thomson Plaza today! Gracia was suggesting we share a Vespa. Hahas.. Doubt it will work, but sounds very tempting sia! That would cut the price I have to pay to about 4 thousand bucks up? I think I will be putting a meter up to show my savings real soon =) Presuming I survive ______, the place I am going to.
Kayaking was fun today. I feel like I can do a K1 better now after Wei Lun pang seh me to take a K2 with Jun Kai. I lost to Piper and Cheryl and the J1 in a T1! Quite sad larh. But I guess 1 year of non-rowing really makes a difference. Especially because I didn't do any warm-up rounds! It was like "okae, Dezhi, go challenge them!" Aiyah. I pulled all the way and threw strokes into the wind. Obviously, I died by 500m. Boo! But hey, I loved going back to MacRitchie and capsizing as much as I want. Exhilarating!
I'm now in Jamie's room after playing LAN with the kayaking gang. There's a class gathering going on now with pizza and the last ever game to be held in the National Stadium playing outside, but I'm blogging alone here. Oh melancholy! Hahas.. Drama darling! No lah.. just don't feel especially in the mood for talk with my irritating sore eye in my eye. So hello blog! I've got a feeling I'd become some geek who only blogs before soon (that's if I'm not already that).
This is not bad, you know. There's no climatic ending and sendoff, but at least there's an ending. Another chapter is half closed with no clue as to what the future of the story would bring.
That's the beauty of life isn't it? Nothing is ever final.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Same side of the moon.
Before long I would be going off to an undisclosed distant land for training. It came so fast that I feel nothing really about it. Tiny bits of hysteria flashes past my mind once in a while like what if I die there? or would I get to see you again?
I guess some things never change. While Ivan is thinking about what else to add into his computer or when would be the best time to buy that Wii, and while Tan Long is thinking about what to eat for dinner or when to have a DotA session, here I am sitting here thinking about the same thing over again.
I'm not a cynical bitch as much as a self inflicter of pain. I remember once reading Shuying's entry about this. Or was it? It was around that period lah.. About how this self-pity can be gratifying. Maybe I indulge in feeling emo?
Anyway, the past few days went badly, and I have every right to feel sad okae! Jamie unfortunately fell sick just before social night, so I had to go alone. I didn't want to ask someone else because I was thinking it wouldn't be fair to her (the other person) cos I would be sulking anyway. Then when I finally got to Sentosa Tanjong Beach, I immediately regretted. Imagine everyone with a date but me. Evidently I was sullen and quiet. Strangely, I did enjoy myself, looking at all the couples having fun, and just immersing in the general atmosphere of reminiscence.
So anyway, most of the evening was spent feeling really weird, and I'm really thankful that eelings was there. Tan Long too. The sky was beautiful and many couples took the chance to take their wedding photos there. I saw at least 5 of them! Like wah.. I'm gonna take mine in an unexpected place. A multi-storey carpark!
Today was spent stoning at home because well, Jamie can't eat chocolates no more, and she can't stay out too late, so I thought we should just give the date a miss. And so all that I looked forward to for this week just went poof!. Of course I would be disappointed. So please stop asking me not to be disappointed. But it's alright lah.. I'm experienced now in such things.
My main concern is just seeing Jamie again before going off to ______ and her going overseas. Wouldn't want someone to just disappear without a word like that. We all know how all relationships are fragile, and once it becomes too much of a hassle, everything falls apart (think 6B, OG, 4H, KKMC, etc..) . I'm just trying to keep a picture memory of her before she disappears.
Well, I guess I have no real say in determining whether I can ever meet her, judging by the last two dates. If I don't, here's bon voyage and bestest blessings to you, Jamie!
I'd be kayaking tomorrow! Hehs.. Meeting the J1s for the first time. They are so dead! Wah. It would be fun =) Heard from HP's sms that the youth group would be fun too. Can't wait! Even though tomorrow would mean just one more day left for me...
Don't miss me guys! I know you won't =) Eh, and if you are reading this, please tag. Argh. It's like dead lah. Show me some love! That applies to you, Tan Long's mum, and Tan Long's sister! Hahas.. okae, that's real strange.
I might blog again tomorrow.. see how ba. If I don't, please wish me luck. Thanks much, and I love you all!
I guess some things never change. While Ivan is thinking about what else to add into his computer or when would be the best time to buy that Wii, and while Tan Long is thinking about what to eat for dinner or when to have a DotA session, here I am sitting here thinking about the same thing over again.
I'm not a cynical bitch as much as a self inflicter of pain. I remember once reading Shuying's entry about this. Or was it? It was around that period lah.. About how this self-pity can be gratifying. Maybe I indulge in feeling emo?
Anyway, the past few days went badly, and I have every right to feel sad okae! Jamie unfortunately fell sick just before social night, so I had to go alone. I didn't want to ask someone else because I was thinking it wouldn't be fair to her (the other person) cos I would be sulking anyway. Then when I finally got to Sentosa Tanjong Beach, I immediately regretted. Imagine everyone with a date but me. Evidently I was sullen and quiet. Strangely, I did enjoy myself, looking at all the couples having fun, and just immersing in the general atmosphere of reminiscence.
So anyway, most of the evening was spent feeling really weird, and I'm really thankful that eelings was there. Tan Long too. The sky was beautiful and many couples took the chance to take their wedding photos there. I saw at least 5 of them! Like wah.. I'm gonna take mine in an unexpected place. A multi-storey carpark!
Today was spent stoning at home because well, Jamie can't eat chocolates no more, and she can't stay out too late, so I thought we should just give the date a miss. And so all that I looked forward to for this week just went poof!. Of course I would be disappointed. So please stop asking me not to be disappointed. But it's alright lah.. I'm experienced now in such things.
My main concern is just seeing Jamie again before going off to ______ and her going overseas. Wouldn't want someone to just disappear without a word like that. We all know how all relationships are fragile, and once it becomes too much of a hassle, everything falls apart (think 6B, OG, 4H, KKMC, etc..) . I'm just trying to keep a picture memory of her before she disappears.
Well, I guess I have no real say in determining whether I can ever meet her, judging by the last two dates. If I don't, here's bon voyage and bestest blessings to you, Jamie!
I'd be kayaking tomorrow! Hehs.. Meeting the J1s for the first time. They are so dead! Wah. It would be fun =) Heard from HP's sms that the youth group would be fun too. Can't wait! Even though tomorrow would mean just one more day left for me...
Don't miss me guys! I know you won't =) Eh, and if you are reading this, please tag. Argh. It's like dead lah. Show me some love! That applies to you, Tan Long's mum, and Tan Long's sister! Hahas.. okae, that's real strange.
I might blog again tomorrow.. see how ba. If I don't, please wish me luck. Thanks much, and I love you all!
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