Mannequin Reality

I have become so adept at hiding my feelings that it scares me a little.

When did I begin to do this? I used to be brave and even proud to have feelings unlike the typical dude. It was what drove me to be wild and out of the box and loud-mouthed.

So much has changed since years back when I used to trumpet the ideals of true love and bliss like it would be the best ice-cream that you've ever had.

The world has changed since then, and I too have changed since then.

Divorces are now common unlike only a few years back. Hurts are more real. Things seem more unsalvageable than ever, a quagmire one can never escape from. Differences. Considerations. Impossibilities.

I dare not be that brave anymore. Dreams are meant to stay as dreams, a fantasy never to be fulfilled. Hasn't experience shown enough? My mentality is slowly morphing to become like someone's whom once disagreed with. Why bloody your heart when you can protect it with a layer of stone?

Yet does this emptiness hurt more? The ability to be a hypocrite is both a blessing and a bane. I used to hate hypocrites, yet now I cannot deny that I am one myself. What would you have me do? To show would reap nothing but an answer I have a concept about. A dread which I don't want yet to grasp. I'd rather not know, even if I know I know.

Life goes on, with blood dripping still from stone. As if it could have had any difference what heart was made of! I know the way out; the band-aid which I can apply on the cut, yet I desist. Sick self mutilating crazy person.

I'm just feeling emo. Snap out of it.