Do your best.

3 more official days to the end of my Basic Section Leader Course. These ten weeks have been grueling, and perhaps more lonely than BMT because all that I've been through can only be kept to myself.

What did I take away with me?

Like what I told the panel in the OCS interview, I feel that the major learning points I've had was how the sergeants related to each other and how they treated trainees individually. There are those who treat us like dogs, screaming at us all the time to get things done, and then there are those who genuinely bother to care about us; those who win the respect of trainees.

I guess that is really what leadership is about. Earning the respect of your men and getting them to work for you willingly because of who you are, not what you are; getting them to have awe for your knowledge and capabilities instead of just the rank.

What intrigued me most was that there are such extremities in viewpoints in BSLC. I would have thought that people who have chosen to be commanders would at least be positive and enthusiastic in carrying out their tasks. I found only people who are even more negative and slack than those I've known in BMT. They don't see merit in doing the right things, only in doing the easy things. I can't exactly say that it's the wrong mentality. It's their choice way of life, so live on!


The downside of BSLC though, is that I feel like my world has shrunk to Pasir Laba camp. Who else do I know? The outside world is alien to me now, nothing but a theme park I visit on weekends to pass the time. Where are my friends I've held so dear? Just across the bridge but yet so far away from me now..

What of my family? I am starting to see the minute cracks more and more, and I'm getting tired of it. The frustration and hypocrisy in all that happy day to day just drains me whenever I'm back. Are we really happy or not?

All these I tell no one, for no one would really listen to it for what it is. No one except God, that is. I've tried to confide, but I guess it's just not in me to say such things to people. It's too frivolous to be worth mentioning.

But thank God for the many mercies He has shown me throughout the course, and for His grace in his blessings. Thanks to Alicia for the book for my birthday which has been a wonderful read, taking up some of the time I've had to stop me from wandering thoughts. I can't complain, really..

Right now, I just await the end of my course and for the next posting order to arrive. What happens then, only time will tell..