I bought myself the Charcoal FINE FOAM FACIAL CLEANSER I wanted from THEFACESHOP today!
Apparently it's supposed to work wonders for my combination/oily skin. Hmm.. I actually used the Acerola cleanser my sister left behind in the toilet, and it wasn't too bad, so I thought I would try Charcoal which was recommended by a magazine. I've yet to try it, but I hope it's good!
Anyway, I went to Taka with Mei Kuan and Alicia today. FOOD TOUR!
I wanted to treat mk to brownies cos it was her birthday mah.. I ended up inviting Alicia and eelings and Jamie and David too.. But David's "circle of friends" pang seh'ed us cos it was too far.
Man, you should really go Taka and eat the things there.. We had brownies, tako pachi, and dimsum.. I ordered this really good brownie called Fudgy Chewy Gooey Brownie. Oh man.. if heaven tasted of nuts and chocolate, it would taste like this. And it was only $2.80! Gotta find more excuses for me to go to Taka to eat it again. Muahahahas.. It's between the fruit juice stall and near the Haagen Daz if you are interested ; )
Don't try the Char Siew Sou from the dim sum stall. It was really bad.. and the tako pachi was a little too expensive for me. $2.20 for three balls! I bought the dim sum at $2.50 for three lorh..
Anyway, we saw the gigantic Harrold's bear there too. Man, I wish I have a super good digicam to carry around! Look at the photo larh. It's pixelated even when it's so small.. And the Olympus is falling apart on me. Haix..
I can't wait for Grey's Anatomy! I wanna know what happens to Meredith with her hand on the bazooka ammo.. In the meantime, I shall do my homework. Econs, Math, and Chem!
WO YAO JIA YOU LE! NI YE JIA YOU!! =)
PS: Mei Kuan, if you are reading this, that toxic thing is called Toxic Shock Syndrome, which is a potentially fatal bacterial infection. Hmm....
Isn't it amazing how time flies past like a supersonic aircraft in stealth-mode in weekends?
I seem to have the habit of making megaposts or multiple posts during weekends because it's easier to blog than to study.
But wow! I really did nothing this weekend. Unless you consider trying to do question 3 of Sampling Distribution for 2 days something. Frightening. Prelims are just 5 weeks away...
Anyway, I've been in sort of a down mood lately. I wonder if it's the spiritual attack I hear Ms Pan and Chow speak of. Yeah.. they sort of like to talk of the idea of being spiritually attacked.
I get it though.. There are times when I finally settle down and decide to go all out for God, and temptations come. Old habits kick it, and I won't seem to be able to control myself. Like I would involuntarily say f**k, or think bad things of others I would have never thought of before. Then comes the perfunctory "you are a bad bad person". And I can never figure out why God is so good that He forgives before you sin. Such that there's no excuse for me to sin, and at the same time, no condemnation when I do sin.
But I believe God is working in my life, molding me for something. I've been recently convicted of speaking without thinking, and often saying bad things about others without caring for their feelings. So that's slowly changing.. I'd like to think that I am more sensitive when I speak now..
Church service today was particularly touching. I could feel the Spirit touch me during worship, and for the first time, feel a strong stirring in my heart that I used to feel in KKMC.
The words from Elder Angeline was apt too. Keeping faith. She spoke of how God is faithful even when we are faithless, and how we too should keep faith to our promises, our covenant with God, the church, and to marriage. Keeping faith because we are made to keep faith, because God is so good.
I guess the most interesting thing of the sermon was finding out that God did say "I hate divorce" in Malachi 2:10. The world today is so geared towards personal gratification, instant satisfaction, that divorce rates have never been higher. It's good to know that in this Good Book, God tells us how to live life the right way.
We were also reminded, or warned, not to marry non-Christians. Hmm. I never really agreed with this, because I always thought that love overcomes all. Well, now I know I've got it wrong. Because God is Love, and He makes all things possible. And nothing would go well without His blessings. And if I were to get married, I would want His blessings. And there would be no true love without Jesus. So I'm gonna marry a Christian!! Hehs..
Seems kind of early for me to talk about marriage though.. Get myself a girlfriend first! And that would have to wait till I get out of the army. How long is that? 2 years? Wow. I wonder what I would write here 2 years later today. Hmmm...
Well, that's about all I have to say for now. Still wrecking my brains over what to call our youth homegroup. Hmm.. Hsia Pin came up with Allegiance, but I thought it was too heavy. It's difficult to come up with a cool, hip, us name! But I really wanna be involved in this. And the homegroup too.. Pray that God gives me the inspiration!!
Take care people!
Mad TV - Oprah's Vagina Monologues
I bet lian would love this! Hahas.. Notice how Barbara Bush gets all the bad parts..
Gee.. I realised that my blog entries have been sounding convoluted these days. I think I've been ambivalent on quite some things ba. Yeah. I realise that I don't know a lot of things in my life, and I don't know why things are the way they are. And many a times, I'm not happy with things. Like how I was told to look for new friends today. Ha. But hey, I must look to God and let Him guide me each step of the way to where He wants me to be.
Anyway, it was the badminton tournament today! I took part with Jin Zheng in the men's doubles category. Haix. We kena thrashed lorh! (someone tell me if it's thrashed or trashed.) 21-6. Their scoring system was kinda screwed up. You lose service and point at the same time. That means you can score even if it wasn't your service. Bad right? Sad larh.. wasted $1. Luckily we koped a few of their shuttlecocks. Hahahas..
Oh.. it was really fun though. The girls ended up playing 4v4 badminton with 3 simultaneous shuttlecocks. Hahas.. we always couldn't get it going for long. Hmm.. takes skill lorh. But it was really really fun.
Then we went for bubble tea. Wow. Actually this is one of the more pleasant days in a long time. I was thanking God on the bus for such a perfect day. Hahas. Man, too bad we wouldn't have much of these days left as A levels come closer. Stress stress!
On to other things..
A few days back, I sort of made Doreen cry in GP lesson. I know it wasn't just me. It was more compounded stresses ba.. She told me later on that she felt that her GP wasn't good enough. But because she cried after I made my essay opening paragraph presentation, and she joked the next lesson that I sort of made her cry, I started thinking that maybe I did.. I didn't know at all...
This is what I wrote for the essay paragraph in response to the news article we were given:
Re: Let The Young Lions Play Against Best Asian Teams
In the meritocratic system of Singapore, it is easy to see the rationale of the Singapore National Olympic Council in denying the Young Lions the chance to participate in the Doha Games. This is simply another aspect of our colloquial "kiasu-ism", the mentality of "If you can't win, don't participate". The Council probably sess no point in sending a team that was not performing up to mark in their eyes to lose in a multilateral Games meet. I do not believe that this is the right attitude in sports.
By the way, I got "colloquial" from here. Hahahas.. But yeah. I really see nothing special or even good in this paragraph. Man, I don't know.
It seems that everyone in class is starting to break down one by one. It's kind of scary. First it was the isolation everyone went through - just minding your own work and bochap-ing everyone else - and now breaking down. Ahh... will it come to me too? I think I have quite a stable frame of mind ba.. It's kind of like dynamic equilibrium. You add something, and I get upset, but according to le Chatelier's Principle, I work to lessen the stress on me. Hahas. Or like a buffer.. HM.
Okae.. I think I should go bathe and study now.. still have 3 days of brokeness to face. Haix to the power of infinity.
My sister was just back! It was unexpected. I was just playing maple and she popped in. Hahas.. It's nice to see her! It's kind of boring when the 4 of us ain't together. It's like.. we talk less. Hm. Miss Switzerland is right you know, family is the most important thing in the world. That's why I don't suscribe to the family member hating game. Haix.
Life is a complex thing called mess. Attempt at Tan Long's attempt at lian's italicisation of words. Hehs..
Anyway, I want to annouce that I just apologised to someone else for saying something bad again! Treat it as a kind of self-affirmation that I am on the right track to recovery. I realised today that I really do shoot off my mouth without thinking. And it hurts people. Well, that person said she doesn't care, but it doesn't mean I should do it you see. And if people don't care it's either because they are 1. super proud, 2. super empowered (think Oprah), or 3. lying. I think that person belongs to the 2nd group larh. Work of Adam Khoo it seems.. I secretly find it frustrating though. It's like a bullet-proof vest thick wall that I can never get through to.
Right, I was talking about my road to recovery. Er.. not exactly, since I don't have some addiction or illness. But yeah. My road to learning to be nice to people and not suan them. It's strange how I swore I would stop being sensitive to others some time back, and how I am trying to be sensitive again. Tsk.
Life is a scale on which we must balance.
Philosophical eh? Hahas.. I am beginning to like the italics. Curvay!!
So to cut it short, I apologised, and yeah. I shall learn to shut my trap before bad things leak out next time. Yupps.
School was sian today. I know it's gotta do with the 12am last night. I fell asleep during Econs and GP, and I just had no will or heart to go for Physics remedial, so I just went home. Finished reading Introducing Foucault! Turns out he wasn't that great after all. Hmm.. he died of AIDS due to excessive shagging with gays. Interesting eh?
Well.. nothing much to say. Unless you want to know that I now have no money to get back to Orbis from Ellinia. I am resorting to killing Curse-eyes in Tree Dungeon! Argh. Sians. I miss the cute lil Jr Grupins......
READER WARNING: This is gonna be super long. So if you were thinking of mugging, go mug, don't read. If you weren't thinking of mugging like 80% of my readers (that's like 8 people), read on, and I hope you'd still be awake when it ends.
Blog blog! Hello there! I am finally back after 1o days without blogging. Did you miss me? (I really want you to say yes! but it's okae. don't tell me.) Where have I been you ask?
Mostly hiding from negative thoughts. I didn't want to have to come up here to blog. I wanted to run away from the fact that I screwed up my Nat'ls. Yeah. My strategy was to run away from that thought for a while just to let it settle in my brain. Until I wake up one day and it seems too far away for me to hurt.
It's not easy at all. But it's something I must do.
A year ago I would have probably looked for someone to whine to and then threw it to the recesses of my brain. Well, I have no one to whine to now. I want to change that aspect of me anyway. Have I mentioned it before? It's only Dezhi now. Everything would be in my head. Life is a journey we all have to take with God alone. Every man is an island. I quote, "If we were not islands, we would be lost, drowned in each other's tragedies" - Neil Gaiman, American Gods. Well, I'm saving my tragedies for myself and saving others from drowning.
That reminds me. I still haven't read Saving The Fish From Drowning yet! That's the Amy Tan book Ma bought quite some time back. I've been caught up with clearing Time and reading Neil Gaiman and now about Foucault and also some books on growing closer to God by Joyce Meyer. Busy busy with reading! Don't worry, I mug too.
Trying to get my Physics done first. Then Chem. I am trying not to develop Chemphobia. After all, I got O for both Block Test and Midyear. It's easy to not want to study it because of the pale results. But well, I must psyche myself to work hard! Everyone say with me: JIAYOU DEZHI! JIAYOU ME! <-- That's you, not me. I mean it's me, meaning its you, not me. HM.
Spiritually, I started to find it difficult to believe in the grace of God. I started to see how wretched I really am. How I always swear to never go back to the same things, but do. How I know I must hurt God, but I still do. I came to the conclusion that I don't deserve God at all. In fact, I probably don't deserve anyone. Yet I am told I am forgiven before I sin. It gives me a huge pressure to not sin. Yet I do. So there's this voice saying "what the fuck?!" to myself all the time. It's tiring to be in this cycle all the time.
It's tough to get out of this mentality, but Dr Khoo preached quite some time back on focusing on how good God is, and not how wretched I am. So I should thank God for His goodness and look to Him for the supernatural power to overcome sin. I just pray I can do this better as time goes by.
You know, I really admire people like Alicia. How they manage to stay godly in the environment. I look at her, and I look at me. And I know I probably can't possibly be like her with my own doing. How?
I am still guilty of things getting me down. I can't seem to let go of things. If only my brain were like a sponge I could squeeze out memories of!
I have a secret. I hate walking back home from the MRT. It's always the longest stretch of road I have to take. Sometimes I would walk out in the open to look at the stars, remembering someone who loved stars for someone else. Other times I would walk and walk along the void deck till I finally reach home. It's such a long walk. Quiet, alone, dark..
I am supposed to be joyous and all! At least more joyous and less broody...
You have much to learn yet, young Padawan
Well, let's talk about other things....
XI XUN CONCERT!! Do I have one word to sum everything up? Yes. And here it comes:
BAD.
That bad? Well, I guess it's only the sound system, and the interference-sounding voices. Other than that, it's alright. The acting was great! I totally believed that a male posing as a female was worthy of a punch in the face. And it was really plausible that the girl was that ugly 3 years ago. Totally.
Wait. Did you say it was a Singing Concert? Not possible man. Concerts don't sing. People in it sing? Hmmm. Well, I guess interference sounds nice to certain people too. If you Google it, you'd probably find people liking that genre: Interference Noise. Ha..
Xi Xun was the best. I had to agree with Tan Long on that. Xin Dong was the best song in the whole concert. Di Yi Tian was not that fantastic though.. I am being perfectly honest here. No single attempt at suaning. Man, I was saying she was like a singing goddess amongst mortals. Hahas..
24 bucks!! OUCH. I am gonna be lian for once and give it 10 cents out of 24 bucks. Maybe a dollar in support for pig. So my 23 dollars are gone with the win. Maybe to the diamond ring that guy jokingly gave to the person he proposed to. Maybe to the food which feeds him. Argh.
Man, I must say, that would have to be under the column of Bad Proposals. Man, don't joke when you propose okae? Marriage is not a joke. You should be serious. And holding someone hostage on stage so that she would have to say yes is not good. Yes, she probably said yes because she loves you more than anything else, and it might have seemed a good idea to propose in front of 200 odd people, but joking every chance you've got when it's not even funny? I, for one, would never do that. Ever. Maybe I won't even propose on stage. C'mon. Stages are for SHOWS. You want a crowd, get a MALL.
See what I mean? I am a crapped up person who only knows how to speak badly of people. Xi Xun said that I always managed to make her feel bad about herself. Shows how bad I really am. Damn. I am never going to suan Lee Xi Xun ever again!
Bye Bye KRT.. I went for the farewell dinner the J1s had for us at Marina Bay. We had steamboat!!
Well, nothing much to talk about it, really. It felt much better than the steamboat we had with the OG. I didn't expect to feel that. I didn't know I wasn't at ease then until now. Hmm.
Anyways, we played the Drum Mania and Para Para! Hahas.. turns out I am quite pro at Para Para. Lols.. looks like those times I played with Cheeks back in Bugis helped. They still had Boom Boom Fire! Ah.. brings back memories.. But we are no way near the real pros larh. I saw this girl just twisting here and there and getting really high scores. Like wow!
And Brandon is a closet Drum Mania pro. He was playing the Advanced mode and got a B! I couldn't even follow the lines with my eyes and he manages to hit them so fast. Man, I only managed to get a B in the Beginner Mode. But I beat Conrad and Wei Lun! Muahahahahas.. Oh, and they have the Tian Ti Guan Ce song which was really really nice. I want the song! Anyone got?
Well.. that was really the end of kayaking. We were thinking of joining the Dualthalon, but this is really the end of serious kayaking. No more. I was kinda jealous of the J1s having training when they were talking about it. Haix.. Sad.
So that was my disjointed blog entry of today. Ha.. Ming tian hui geng hao!
I was bored of studying 2 days back, and so I decided to take photos of my bear and cupboard! Hahas..
By the way, Flickr is quite unfriendly in terms of linking photos. I can't link the actual pictures but only their thumbnails! You'd have to click on them to see the larger versions.
Here's Teddy! He's like my favourite bear. If you didn't know already, I have a small collection of bears, and he's the best. Hehs.. My mum got it for me when I was really young when we went to Lido for a movie. He's a Coca Cola bear!
And here's my cupboard where I store all my cards and pictures!
A slightly closer look at each compartment....
The LEFT side.
and the RIGHT side!
and the MAIN side.. erm. okae, I meant MAIN COMPARTMENT!
this entry was written 2 days back before it started to rain felines and canines on all of us.
The sky is fast turning black from all the grey clouds. Some music from FMA plays in my ears. The mood is almost perfect. Almost as if the world could feel what I am feeling. I'm staring out at the horizon in MacRitchie. Looking far out into the 1000m mark. Looking at the waters flowing in this man-made lake of a reservoir. Realising that all this is over for me.
It had ended 2 days ago. Maybe even earlier. Perhaps it was ordained before the Exams. And the draw merely set the Plan into action. So I lost in the heats. To Rj, to NJ, to CJ. Can't blame anyone really.. RJ wasthe champs last year for that event, NJ was NJ, and CJ... Shouldn't have lost to CJ. I know we could have matched Jey and Tim.
Since I couldn't take it out on anyone, I thought I would blame myself. After all, I am the one who has the bad strokes. Ms Choong told me I was pulling all the way just before the competition. Everything came out before the competition. Then came the thing, which we lost.
I guess I should be......
And that was the end of it. The entry. And the end of Dezhi the Kayaker. Like how Dezhi the actor rested with BYG, like how Ah Bao died with Zhang Lang, like how Mr Suan ceased to exist with Lai Ye 2004 and Xin Qu. Alas, all things must end. Even the very good ones.
That's SMRT's slogan. I was on my way to AMK to meet Chow and I saw this on the ad for the new Dhoby Xchange. It led me to think, "Did MRTs really enhance lives?"
I remember a time when the MRT ended at Yishun. That's my stop, by the way.. There was no Sembawang, Woodlands. I'm not even sure there was a Jurong East. There was a time I don't really remember when Northpoint wasn't even built, and everything was just a green field. Long time ago, that was.
Northpoint used to have a 2-storied Toys R Us. We used to go there often. At least in my mind we did. There were lego and the usual toys on the first level, then there were plastic houses and bicycles and all the things we wished we could have on the top level.
There's no Toys R Us now. Only Popular and Time Zone in its place. I don't even go to Northpoint all that often anymore. The MRT expanded, of course. Even to places where there are no people to ride in it. Perhaps the government is boosting Government Spending to create our 6%s each year. Circle line is coming soon! 2008, I heard. It'd pass near RJC and RI. Gotta ride it. I think it's coming up near Big Macs too. Hmm... Maybe one day all we would be riding are MRTs.
Moving People indeed! Though I don't feel enhanced. How about a pair of bionic arms for me?
Man, I wish it were Brazil. Hell, the match was boring. Italy dragged it all the way to penalty. Argh.. nothing exciting except for Zidane's headbutt. Feel kinda sad for him though. He can't even get his runner up medal. Tsk tsk
Ivan's house is fun though.. I got free macs. lols. No larh.. just that I haven't paid for it yet, so its free for a couple of hours. Hehs.. But hey, football is boring to watch. Hmph..
The last paper was finally over yesterday. A nightmare, really.. I didn't want to disappoint Mrs Chan, and I said I wanted to go down fighting, but it seems like I really did chao badly for the paper. The MCQ was still alright, but the short answer questions were really.. killer. Killer not in the sense that it's really difficult, only in the sense that I didn't study, therefore I don't know. Sad, isn't it?
Well, I quickly put it behind me. Disappointment can't last long in the face of the end of exams. Hehs.. We (eelings, mk, Jamie, Alicia, Genial and I) went to gai gai in Bugis after that. Eeling brought us to this cafe called Miss Clarity. It's like.. super cool! They have books there for you to read while you dine, and the food is really great. I was quite doubtful that the food could be good when I first saw the decor though. It's really... LOUD. Yeah. That loud. Colourful.. gaudy. Hmm.
Did I mention that the food's great? I bought a Chicken Cordon Bleu and it tasted like really good KFC without the oil. Somehow they managed to cook the breast just nice enough to make it tender. Wow. The sauce was really nice too.. And the mango sorbet!
The dessert is so good that it deserves a new paragraph. So I bought this Choc cake thing.. I forgot the name.. It's just super moist, hot, melting, brownie-like cake. Darn! The auntie was saying I would go crazy over it. I think I am. Hahas.. I've got to go there again!!!!
Anyone wants to go out for a meal one of these days? ;) But you might have to wait till after 12 July... My comp comes first! That's just next Wed. Argh.. quite stressful to have to rush up to my previous physical state with 4 trainings left. Just hope that I can make it. I really want to win!!!! Pray for me yeah? I am serious.
Hm.. I saw this on Rich's blog and thought I should try it out. Hehs.. turns out that I'm a natural. lols!
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, especially Mr Brown, Mr Miyagi, Xiaxue, blah blah blah.. you know, the usual blogs everyone reads.
It then came to me how blessed I was that I am not them. No offence to them at all larh.. I think their blogs are wonderful, and Xiaxue probably has thousands from the ten thousand people visiting her blog clicking on the advertisements, generating gold bars for her, from which she funds her "I am officially a Princess" life.
Okae, sorry, I couldn't resist the urge to suan her. Hahas. Anyway, seriously, I think they are real professional bloggers who are opinionated and full of passion for what they write about. Kinda like Oprah really.. and it's cool that we actually have such a syndicated blogging network in Singapore. Do other countries have this? Maybe America with MySpace, but really. So organised and so vibrant? Don't think so!
My point was: I am so blessed. So blessed because I am sitting right here blogging about anything at all. Anything off my brain, I blog. Imagine the pressure if you were Xiaxue. I do believe she did say so herself too.. The stress you have to face when you start to blog for an audience.
For the longest time, I felt that I should talk about real issues too, like what Mr Brown talks about. Maybe I should really be more concerned about the GE and not dismiss it as a sure-win thing. After all, it's a privilege not a right to vote. Or talk about Iraq, or talk about missile testings by Pyongyang. Something that means something to others than me.
Then now I think. I am actually better off writing about my life, how I always think I would die by 34, how every moment is precious, how I used to like Life is a Journey by Anastacia, how I really love venti mocha frappucino, how I used to eat double cheeseburger meal upsize change to large coke all the time...
These things have more meaning than silly quibbles over oil in Iraq. Or even arguments about the existence of a neighbour.
Man, I just came across this while looking through my archive. Something Tan Long tagged lightyears ago...
You think you's the worst? you haven't seen the worst... you in Raffles for goodness sake, stop whining and do what you have to. Which man in this world by worrying and grumbling and giving up can...
...add an hour to his life.. or succeed as a friend, student, CCA member, son blah blah...
I understand the frustration... when you've got 1 week to cramp 9 subjects, its difficult. So here's the challenging part. How do you be exam-smart? Focis on your good subjects first lar...
...so what if you lose the war? you can always win the battle... its either give up or try till the end, the person who tries always wins
A Winner's Creed: If you think you are beaten, you are; If you think you dare not, you don't; if you like to win, but think you can't, it's almost a cinch you won't; But sooner or later, the person who wins, is the one who says "I CAN".
Thanks man.. even now it helps. Wow.. I erm. I don't know what to say. You read it it too!
Hm. Is it strange how I feel I am more interesting then than now? Maybe Raffles does have some sort of magic on people. The magic of possibilities, the magic of hope. If only I could find it again....
Econs was.. Let's just say I'm most confident about Econs because I actually studied for it. I wouldn't say that it's easy. In fact I already know I have 4 questions wrong in MCQ. But I am hopeful. I don't want to put myself down by telling myself that I could end up getting a D and I would be all disappointed cos I studied at still failed. (Yes, D is a fail to me. Haix. Thinking of all the Fs is killing me)
Case study of Japan was quite a killer. I had no idea what the last question was asking. What does this mean? ".. discuss the impact of high costs on Japan's economy." All the time we were talking about deflation, GDP, consumer prices, unemployment and Japan's insane saving habits (paradox of thrift), then this pops up. How do I substantiate the effects of high costs when I have no data to? Argh. I was left with ten minutes when I started anyway. So I smoked. Started talking about how the higher costs of Japan as compared to China would bring about a lower demand for Japanese goods, hence resulting in deflationary pressure. Makes sense? Yes right?!
My hair is starting to really irritate me. All the time during the exam I was scratching it. It's like super thick at the back, and just really messy. Man, I wonder how girls actually stand having hair that is so long. It must be a daily torture. I want to cut my hair soon! And maybe go for some herbal treatment to get rid of my dandruff and sweat. Hmm.
Well. Last day le. I am gonna put in all my strength and go down fighting, God willing. Actually, it's been getting better and better. It's amazing how God works. I found it hard to pray for exams at the start. How? Am I supposed to demand good results or what? And I don't even have the right cos I am so faithless. But well, what Dr Khoo said a few weeks ago really stuck in my mind. Don't focus on how bad I am, but focus on how good God is. So yeah.. I've been praying for wisdom and His presence with me, to help me get through the exams. I actually asked for good results too.. hehs.. but only God willing.
We shall see. I have much to learn yet. Maybe a fall would help me more than I think.
Nick Lachey has this new song after he separated from Jessica Simpson. Aww. Man, makes people wonder if true love exists in Hollywood. First Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, now Nick and Jessica? And they looked so cute together!
Anyway, here's the MV, and then there's the Teen Titans version from YouTube. Really cool stuff. Hahas.. Can see Robin and Starfire.
Chemistry, of course.. Not the whole ordeal. Hehs.. No more organic chemistry, no more electrode potentials, no more ionic product, equilibrium positions!! At least for this week lah. I am planning on attacking Chem after the competition though. Ramsden is going to turn from new to gau gau (hokkien for zhou zhou (chinese for crumply)). Muhahahahas.. Imagine the headlines. From F to A: The Boy's Journey. Lols!
Oprah section! Okae, so I am hooked onto Oprah. Maybe it's fun to see others screw up. Hahas.. Kidding kidding. More like Oprah really shows how women can be liberated. Hmm. And it's not necessarily just for women. You can really see the passion this woman has for others. Like how she's helping others out with debt, poverty, relationships, etc etc. Imagine your whole life being about helping the less fortunate in such a big way! Man.. blows my mind.
So anyway, I didn't feel as if I quite agreed with Oprah today. She invited this guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You", Greg Behrendt. Apparently, this book is supposed to tell you if a guy is into you or not. What really put me off was how he was telling everyone in the audience that guys are not into them. Just because he doesn't call and smses? Just because he thought it wasn't the right time?
Well, here's what I have to say. Maybe guys can't chase after a girl 24-7, and he needs a break sometimes? And maybe circumstances are really as such that he's unable to marry the girl of his dreams yet. Like in the movie A Lot Like Love, how Ashton Kutcher wanted to get his ducks in a row, you know. It's so sad to just ask people to move on, give up just because the guy she likes didn't show enough effort in the eyes of Greg Behrendt. Hm.
Then again, he made a good point that Mr Haniss made too. If you like a girl enough, you would go all out to win the girl over. Maybe people in America are more open that way. It's either make or break, and nothing in between. Asian are more reserved I guess. Imagine if you were a girl and someone comes over and tells you he likes you and then relentlessly pursues you. At some point, you might fall for the guy. Most of the time though, he would be super irritating and maybe even a little worrying - what if he's a stalker?
Well anyway, it's supposed to be liberating for women because now they don't have to wait for guys and they can 'move on'. It occured to me how everyone just moves on. How can you move on when you haven't closed anything? How would you know where you are moving to? Are you really hoping that something would drop from the sky, and the right person would come to sweep you off your feet and make your leg pop? Girl, that only happens in Princess Diaries.
So I am of the opinion that everyone should make their intentions clear. A simple "I am not into you", "I hate you", "I love you" would solve everything in the world. That I agree with Greg. Yeah. So next time, if you don't want to hurt someone, drop the grenade before it becomes a hydrogen bomb.
Away from the book, I really liked something that Oprah said: Doubt means don't. Makes perfect sense. Wow. Hahas..
I am watching the Lucerne Festival Orchestra on Central while mugging Alcohols now. Quite amazed I am, that I actually like what I hear! I do believe that opera is my cup of tea. Hahas.. yup. It's strangely calming. Maybe it's time I dug out my Sarah Brightmans and Josh Grobans. Ahh.. reminescent of Sec 3. It would be nice to reclaim an old love.. and my iPod has plenty of space for them too.
The main reason I am watching the Orchestra, or really, the reason I am blogging right now is that I can't seem to stand mugging anymore. I have tried fruitlessly for the whole day to study for the Chem paper I have tomorrow.
Plenty of success at bingeing though.. I ate popcorn, 5 slices of bread, 1 bowl of cereal, 1 slice of cake, 1 potong ice-cream (sweetcorn one. very nice! hehs), 1 packet of chicken rice, and one double cheeseburger meal today. That's a lot a lot of calories. Not to mention the amount of carbs I am putting into my body. Argh.
Interesting observation I made though.. The more I ate, the more I felt 'sick' and the more I wanted to eat to get rid of the distaste in my mouth. Man. I must be getting some food addiction problem.
Oh wells.
Back to Chem though.. I still have Alcohol, Phenol, Carbonyl, Carboxylic Acids and Nitrogen Cpds left. That's a hell lot to finish by 12am. Haix. God help me!
Oh. The Marriage of Figaro is showing at the Esplanade mid July. I feel like going! But I know no one would be likely to go with me. I don't think I have friends who like operas. Except maybe Xi Xun. But hmm.. Don't think so. She probably wouldn't go. And no, I wouldn't want to go for Cabaret.
Come to think about it, xx comes closest to liking the things I like. Strange how I don't get more friends who like the same things as me. Hmm.. I should go join some online eGroup and make more friends man. Then again, that would mean I would lose my privacy? Argh. Opportunity cost. Everything IS about economics.
Today's Oprah was about secret lives. 1 woman was a shoplifter, and 2 others were compulsive gamblers. The show actually led me to think: we all have our secret lives don't we? I know I do. But since it's secret, I won't tell you. It's a terrible terrible thing.. Then again, as Oprah says, the best thing you can do is to reach out for help. Unless you are the type who needs to hit rock bottom before you actually ask for help. I guess I am the type that can handle things on my own. Hahas..
Seems like my entry is totally random. Here's another random thought: If we are all already clean when we dry ourselves with our bath towels, why do we need to wash them?
Oh man, it's totally cool to see how the violinists move their heads while they play. Let me go back to my tube yeah? You work hard if you still have exams like me, or play hard if you have finished. Peace out!
I have decided to make a resolution today: To be happy no matter what.
The past few weeks had me realise how whiney I have been lately. Maybe even for the longest time. People getting my smses would know. Hahas..
Well, so here's the plan. I shall simply shut off anything which makes me upset, and focus on improving things. Like how I know my midyears are probably going to suck, and how I would turn it into something positive by mugging really hard for my prelims.
Things have been worrying me though..
Kayaking. Well.. I went for training yesterday, and the timings weren't fantastic. 13+ mins for 2km, which according to Cher, we are supposed to do in 11.5 mins. That got me pretty upset. Yeah.. I get upset over such things.. Competition is less than 3 weeks away, and my timing sucks.
Which led me to think this: my midyears suck, my kayaking sucks, my relationships suck, and my spiritual life probably sucks too. What on earth am I still alive for? Thank God, I no longer think that. What matters is that I still have 3 weeks, and my midyears are not a clear reflection of my capabilities. What I have to do is to jiayou from now on. -grit!-
My dad. He is still thinking that he would die soon. He actually got a sample of a will from my mum to draw one up himself. My dad doesn't even buy insurance.. so if he draws up a will, you know he's really serious about it. He's been saying weird things too.. and it's kinda worrying that he's been staying at home and watching tele all the time, only going out to the fo2 tang2. Not healthy at all..
I don't think I am old enough yet to handle a parent dying.. He might not be the most fantastic father who's been there all the time, and cares a lot for me, but hey, he's still my dad...
My studies.. haven't been exactly up to mark. I'm working on it. Definitely..
My spiritual life, actually.. I keep feeling the urge to do more, but yet I am always held back. I want to go to homegroup too.. it's not as if I am deliberately missing it. But piano is an important part of me too.. Not something I can give up so easily. Not yet.. It's easy to say that I put God first, but it's actually difficult to do it. Haix. I'm trying to work my way around it by changing piano to Sat, but Ms Goh isn't making it easy. Just pray that God will make a way.. Hope I can do more for church too.. and that I would grow in Christ day by day..
Relationships.. This is kind of a paradox. I'm trying to not be so insecure, yet at the same time I am afraid of losing friends. Hahas.. I guess at this stage of life, everyone is focused more on themselves, and friends are to hang out and mull over memories and funny anecdotes. Seems that way to me.. I don't like that.. but it's not up to me.
Well.. back to the main thing. Finding positive things in worries. Yeah.. I'm gonna cast my worries on Him and not be anxious in anything.
I actually had a word today which I didn't share.. It was a big red arrow pointing up, and the word that came to mind was to not depend on my own understanding but look to God in everything. Felt how appropriate it was.. and yet didn't feel confident that I could stay faithful. I guess it would be a daily struggle.. Pray for me yeah?
The random ramblings of a very happy guy who used to be emo. Watch me turn my daily chaos into logical outflows!
RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME I am currently studying in university and aspires to have a career in Marketing for an FMCG. I have a recent obsession with Social Media Marketing, so you are gonna see a lot of that here.
I also do a little bit of design work, though an amateur at best. I love good design though!
Posts
