Friday, May 30, 2008
I feel so accomplished! Hahas.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
When was the last time I saw or thought about something in wonder? I remember the Physics lessons we had with Mrs Chan, and the way she allowed us to see the Eureka moments in our thinking. There was really a sense of satisfaction when you found yourself really getting something for the first time.
I believe I am starting to really get what the Word of God means too. Like what I told Tan Long, I feel like there is a sort of revival within me, a new hunger for what being a Christian really means. What exactly does God call us to be? I have found that the stereotypical view of a Christian is so far from the truth.. and how different the world sees us!
A great example of this is how the bible tells us how useless and unworthy we are without God (Ps 16:2) and yet the world expects us to be the epitome of goodness and perfection. That's exactly what the Bible teaches we cannot achieve! (Rom 7:18). Strange huh?
Anyways, I was really talking about the wonder that we had as children but lose as we grow up. Why is that? Is it because the world pollutes us too much? Or could it be that we have taken so many things for granted? The air that we breathe, the trees that we see, the clouds in the sky... these are all blessings and wonders! Yet here I am wondering when I can get my own car, and if a million bucks would drop on my lap. Hahas..
I guess it's all phases in our lives, and we really have to find back what is the most important in our lives: faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and of the utmost, love!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
For the longest time now, life has been a very very flat line. Every day starts with me waking up at 6.30 AM and wishing I had more time to sleep. I will proceed to change into my clothes and then going for work. I will then feel faint in the car because I was dehydrated by not drinking water in the morning (don't ask me why it happens to me). Then work starts. And it's of course the same old thing over again, worrying about things that rightly concerns others. Logistics is all about getting other people's worries dumped on you and having you to solve it. What satisfaction! Anyway, work ends, and I go home for dinner. And I sleep. And then it starts again until the weekend comes.
Its all so uneventful that it's painful. It's also a very lonely job. Haix. Now that even RQ is not there.. I basically have no one to talk to. Why can't I have a normal NSF life like everyone else? I need a break. Even though no amount of breaks is enough.. I need respite. I need to feel again. I don't want to be buried by work and worries!
Argh! The agony!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
I once dreamt of acting. Of being everyone and no one at the same time. Of wearing the fancy clothes I saw on television. Of living a life which everyone is interested it yet no one really cares for at the same time.
I once dreamt of falling in love. Of playing the piano to a her in my old age. Of sitting on the beach and just listening to the waves lapping on the shore while watching the sunset. Of strolling in parks. Of kissing her softly. Of meeting her in some romantic way, like we were swapped at birth and were fated to meet.
I once dreamt that I could reach the sky if only I tried. I thought all that was in the world merely waited for me to seize them. I dreamt that I could be a lawyer. Or I could be a singer. Or I could be a successful do-nothing without having a thing to worry about.
Then I woke up. And realised that it was all a lucid dream.
I don't believe we can ever fully understand the inner works and intents of God. But we can be sure of His promises. That He wills things for our ultimate good and not for our harm. In times of such tragedy, there are so many lessons that we can learn.
In the midst of the tears and blood, we see the warmth of human kindness. So many countries are despatching the aid teams needed for Burma and for China. So much money has been donated. The Chinese Embassy in Singapore has a queue longer than any other place with the Great Singapore Sale on because we the people want to do our part, be it so minuscule, to help those that cruelly have to survive the quake.
In all of these, I ask myself, "am I too desensitised to all these?" I shivered when I first saw the photographs of devastation; of people standing on heaps of unrecognisable rubble. Day by day, more and more of such photographs came flooding in through the tube, the papers, the internet. I begin to realise that we hold such great power in our hands now. Never has there been such a great movement to relieve a disaster of this magnitude. Not even for the Asian Tsunami. We have such power because of the Internet and the interconnectivity of the world we live in.
There have been so many times where we have blamed globalisation for our woes these past years. Terrorism has spread and become real because of globalisation. The bird flu has become a pandemic threat because of globalisation. Yet consider this. Consider the quake. Could we have been able to help China; could we have been able to help Burma had it not been for globalisation? Would we have even cared if our government didn't have vested interest in China?
I believe the quake has also opened such a wonderful platform for the world to know the China in the new millenium. The China that is not the stereotypical Communist country, nor the patriarchal nation we always perceived it to be. In the past weeks we have seen the deeds of the Chinese people and we have realised that they too are human. They are not aliens that we cannot relate to. They are not merely "foreign talent" brought here to replace us to extinction. What a wonderful opportunity for us to work together as Common People (tong bao)!
Surely, no one wanted such a thing to happen. But since it has, we need to learn how to move on. I pray for all those who have died in the quake and those who are injured or displaced. May God's peace be with them even as they go through such a difficult time. Yet may they one day find the courage to stride confidently into the future without a fear of the past.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It actually feels good to be back home typing away on my buloggggg! =) I am beginning to feel more human now. Finally away from my bosses who pressurise people by insinuation. I hate that! Like say what you want to say instead of placing it in a roundabout way. Whatever!
I'm totally craving for 韩剧! I need some emotional recharge. I'm been in neutral gear for the longest time with no upheavals. Is that part of growing up? Like finally becoming immune to things, or doing things that does not require emotions. Its basically just execution all the time without much thinking. I am so going to hate working life. Maybe I just need to be in a relationship. LOL.
Anyways, I'm starting to realise that I have been spending too much. That 600 plus bucks was to big a hole for me to feel no impact. My phone bill just came and it was another big shock. Did I actually call others so much? Did I even talk so much? I should totally scale down now and start using my office and home phone. And that also means lessening the number of calls I make.
Did I ever mention that my sentences don't lead into the next one? They are disjointed. Hmm.. I guess it's because life is generally boring now and each paragraph can contain such minimal information. Or perhaps I'm never one who goes into much details. I am a macro person. Leave micro to the biologists!
I'm just tired. Someone give me a hug in Facebook. Hahas.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Frame: Element Proton-D
Fork: RockShox Judy TT
Tires: Panaracer Smoke II
Crank: Sugino Impel CSS II
Bottom Bracket: Shimano ???
Front Derailleur: Shimano Deore LX
Back Derailleur: Shimano Tourney RD-TX30 6
Shifters: Grip Shift
Stem: Truvativ XR
Brakeset: Shimano V-Brake
Seat Post: -
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Cher is like the most zai kayaking coach I've seen, mainly because he's my only kayaking coach. Hahas.. We bought a Durian Fudge Cake (ewwww....) and a bottle a beer for him. It was quite hilarious because we actually forgot to get a lighter. So he blew a candle imaginarily. Lols.
It was really good to go back for training after so long. It really feels like I'm old, now that I am labelled a "J4". Like. Man. And I think both Chai Kee and I agree that we are too old to comprehend the little things that the juniors do. Hahas.. They are so carefree! Like abusing their lives because they have so much time and they are not tied down by work. Their minds are not numb and immotive yet.
I think I am going to make training a weekly thing. Hmmm.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
当然，除了工作，还有很多事情。比如说我的脚踏车被弄坏的例子。原本借给Ken骑回CMTL拿钥匙，他却借给别人来骑，害到我的frame坏了。现在要换一个好的aluminium frame要五百块！心好痛啊！我也不想逼Ken还那笔钱，因为我知道数目很高，也不能说完全是他的错···只好suck thumb咯！
I also watched What Happened in Las Vegas with Zhimin and Jiaming today after meeting up with them at Sembawang Camp. I was there for the Supply Workplan Seminar and thought I might as well catch up on old times with them. Turns out that quite a number of them work in 1st Bn! It seems like Ken and I are the only two people who are chucked into a forgotten outpost called MHC. It's not fun when you feel like you are the only 2nd Left in the whole Div doing work only you know how to do.
Anyways, I'm glad I have leave for tomorrow. At least that means that I can rest a little bit. Hahas. Looking forward to the weekend!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
My birthday kinda started with a lot of smses.. which I am thankful for. Wah.. I was about to sleep then suddenly all the smses started coming and all.. Thanks to all you guys and girls who sent me smses yeah? I feel so loved =)
Anyways, I spent my birthday playing mahjong for the most part, and then eating zi cha at Chong Pang. And feeling quite pissed off because my sister was so lazy. Like. Argh! But then I decided to be happy since it was my birthday, see?
Then today I went to buy myself a birthday present! So now I have two things off my wishlist. I got my W910i from Mum, and I got a sling bag from myself! How cool is that? I'll leave the rest of the things to a sugar mummy who might take interest in me. LOL.
Anyways, really thanks to all who remembered my birthday, even those who got reminded by facebook and friendster. Hehs.. I really want to go watch Liao Zhai now, so I guess I'd leave blogging to when I am more emo =)
Sunday, May 04, 2008
I don't know if it's a type of denial, an escapism from the gigantic weight that is about to fall - or have already fallen - on me. I guess I would have to wait to see if I crack to find that out.
It was through this ordeal too that I managed to test my social safety net. I must say, it wasn't much of a social net. Before you go away thinking that my friends are superficial and inconsiderate folk, let me emphasise that the failure of the net is solely my fault. I've come to realise that I'm one who would withdraw when shit happens. I like to sleep it off, cry to myself, scream silently in my heart until it goes away. Or forever stab myself if the issue never ever resolves (thinks longstanding one-sided something).
I have also come to realise that my "clan" as Pamela puts it, is actually more of a 'meet and play' sort of clique than a 'hey sista let's solve this bitch togetha' sort of clique. We never ever mentioned it, nor was there much of an event big enough for us to notice it, but hey, we all know I guess. Take the example of The Great Withdrawal of Astro back in JC days. Or even the example of how we still don't know who ______ is. Or the example of how Astro is not talking now. Maybe it's because we are not girls.
So anyways, I want to thank Jamie for calling a few times (and trying to call a lot of times) and Tan Long for picking up my call that day where I half-cried a little... and of course, Pamela, who doesn't know the story but allows me to sms like nothing is wrong. Hey, you may not know that what you did helped, but it did. So thank you. And of course, thanks God for Holy Spirit touch me. No really. Thank God because I know this peace that I have does not come from anyone else but from Him and the Holy Spirit who comforts me.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know I will face it like how a toilet bowl faces shit. I will flush it outta my system! Bring it on, asshole!
I was kinda watching Wanda Sykes as recommended by Tan Long, and eventually got to Kathy Griffin, and then Oprah and then Ellen and then Oprah again on Youtube.. and I found this really sweet voice of Esmee Denters. It's almost diabetic, the saccharine quality..
I wonder if JEDIT started a YouTube channel, we would be as famous as all these famous YouTubers. Hmm.. We played with this idea since the end of JC days, but I think we never really got about doing it. Now we are just old unfunny people with the hay chucked outta our days. It sucks to feel old! I think it's the non-exercise talking. Get off your ass fatass!
Anyways, do go listen to her. I especially liked Like A Star and of course, this video, Stop and Stare by One Republic. Yeah, you go Netherlander!
> Esmee Denter's website.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Your view on yourself:You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
I got this quiz off Pamela's blog. We are either very alike, or the quiz is totally bogus. But hey, it's quite true that I'm the independent sort and tend to be very serious about love ;) And yes, I do like determined and girls with a mind of their own. Hm.
The men have been getting more sian since RQ got out of action. So I thought this would be a good idea to cheer them up and get Rainer to familiarise himself with the platoon again. The idea of the day was to have a day of watery fun at Wow Wow Wet followed with some good food before we fall out for the day so that they can enjoy the long weekend.
And so we met at Pasir Ris at 9AM in the morning and had our breakfast at White Sands Mac. I tried the new McGriddles. Hmm.. It was basically just the regular SME dipped in maple syrup. Not bad... but not good either. I also learnt one thing about my boss. He doesn't drink coffee! That's quite amazing, because RQ is a coffee addict and me, I loooovvvveeee a Venti Mocha Frappucino.
The people were generally late, and I was starting to feel quite uncomfortable because boss kept asking me where everyone was. Hmm.. A single cohesion day is the product of many man hours of planning and admin work you know. Imagine the AI I had to do, and RAWR I had to complete before we could all go out. Bleh.. Now appreciate the times you go out with your friends without having to consider the possibility that you might get dehydrated along the way, or get into an accident because you didn't have 7 hours of sleep. Man!
Anyways, we finally got to Wow Wow Wet after we finished our breakfast, only to find out that it was closed.............
SAD!!!!! Ruzaidi didn't tell me that the place wouldn't be open until 1PM!! In fact he said it would be open lorh! WTH. Like that how do we go in to enjoy the sun and water?! With my newly imbued camera phone, I immediately gathered the whole platoon so that we can cam whore so that I can whine here. WHINE!!!
With that huge disappointment and my hours of planning down the gutter, we decided to head over to Princess for Iron Man. It was quite funny because 5 of us had to squeeze into CCO's car. I was thinking of how hilarious it would be if you kept seeing people coming out of the car. LOL. Anyways, Princess was only $7! That meant $98 flying out of my bank =/ The moviewwas quite good I guess.. but there were places in it where I almost fell asleep. 3 stars! That's the max I'd give it.
The day ended with makan at Pizza Hut. We celebrated Michael Nicholas' birthday too.. Muhammad wanted to smash cake into him, but we didn't manage to do that in the end =( It would have been fun! But hey, I guess it was fun enough. Nicholas got a nice peppermint chocolate cake and we got a wholesome meal filled with calories. Yayness!
Chow En Ping Chih! Pong! Hu!
I went over right after a G4 branch farewell dinner for Mr Lim and David. Mr Lim would be leaving for ROC as messing warrant and David, of course, has gone over to the brigade side as DYS4. The steamboat was really good! I didn't know Whampoa had such good steamboat even though church is so near and we went there twice. Hmm.. Look at us enjoying the food!
G4 Branch having a heck of a time makaning. Always makaning =)
I managed to be the big winner at mahjong that night. Hehs.. but I'm not really sure I'd be able to get my money back from chow. Seems like he's in some kinda financial trouble. Just tell me if you need any help yeah? I will try with my limited allowance. Hahas..
Anyways, I think the main reason we were at Tan Long's house was to celebrate Jun Yuan and my birthday. It was quite funny seeing Tan Long whisper whisper to the others pretending we were not gonna know, and putting the birthday cake in the freezer which we will definitely open to get ice. Lols.. Strangely, I wasn't particularly excited about my birthday. Hmmm.. I guess it wasn't how I envisioned it. But thanks for the book guys! I totally need to learn how to bed girls. Hahahas.
Clockwise from Left: Enqing, Wei Ping, Rich, Me! And Rich being squashed by Enqing's hand.
As you can see, I also had lots of fun with my new camera phone! Mum bought me the W910i I wanted. So now I have to same phone as a lot of people i.e. Pamela and Zhimin. The camera is really not bad in good lighting... At least I look thin in the photos. Hahas..
We had lunch together after the stay-over at the usual Bedok Chicken Rice place. See how we managed to totally eradicate two whole chickens?! It was kinda freaky. No wonder I'm putting on weight!
Empty plates after Chicken Rice lunch
Rich's pose is so Xiaxue! And Ivan's acting cool.
And of course, after lunch we had a DotA session at the Kao Peh Receptionist Club where the person manning the counter has a perpetual stick stuck up his ass. It was totally close man, the match. Didn't think I farmed well though. One of the worser AM matches I played =/ Yes yes, I know I'm not good at DotA...
Kao Peh Receptionist Club Lan Shop
And it ended with the DotA and with me feeling really queasy. Urgh. It must have been the lack of water and not sleeping well. I think I really am getting old before I've really had enough fun. Bleh!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
There are just some people in different stages in your life that you can never conceive living without. It might be the form teacher during primary school, or that best friend when you were in secondary school. It could be anyone. Yet sometimes God tests us in that way, I guess. It's not easy.. in fact, it's very very difficult. It's hard for me to put all these into words because I haven't been writing about what I feel for a long time now. There's just been too much curtains decorating this window to my soul.
Suffice to say, everything is at least more peaceful now. I have come to terms with what I have to take on now, and I can face it. I won't dare say things are better now though. Because they aren't. I could definitely live without all of these. It's totally crappy. I can't begin to describe how bad it has been for me. It's like reliving moments years ago when I saw someone close just slipping away without the ability to do anything to stop it. It makes me want to scream stop it! It makes me want to tell everyone that hey, I love you, so please don't disappear okae?
I should just convince myself that I'm just being emo. I'm just being emo.